Why Are People So Nasty?

It happens pretty much all the time: a small jabbing comment, a joke at our expense amidst a group of old friends, a line of sarcasm, a sneering assessment, a provocative comment on the Internet. These things hurt a lot, more than we’re ever allowed to really admit. In the privacy of our minds, we search for explanations, but anything satisfying and soothing is usually hard to come by which is left a puzzle at the casual in humanity that circulates all around us and suspect that perhaps it’s we who are somewhere deep down to blame for falling victim to it. Here is what we should actually think: a truth as basic as it is inviolable. Other people have been nasty because they are in pain. The only reason they have hurt us is because they are somewhere deep inside hurting themselves. They’ve been catty and derogatory and foul because they are not well. However outwardly confident they may look, however virile and robust they may appear, Their actions are all the evidence we need that they cannot in truth be in a good place. No one solid would ever need to do this. The thought is empowering because nastiness so readily humiliates and reduces us. It turns us into the small damaged party. Without meaning to, we begin to imagine our bully as potent and even somehow impressive. Their vindictiveness demeans us. But the psychological explanation of evil at once reverses the power dynamic. It’s you who has no need to belittle, who is in fact a larger, steelier, more forceful party. You, who feel so defenseless, who is all along actually in power. The thought restores justice. It promises that the guilty party has after all been punished along the way. You might not have been able to write the scales personally, they left the room already or kept the conversation flowing too fast for you to protest and in any case, you’re not a sort to make a fuss. But, a kind of punishment has been delivered cosmically already. Somewhere behind the scenes, their suffering of which their needs to inflict suffering on others is simply incontrovertible evidence, is all you need to know that they have been served their just desserts. You move from being a victim of crime to being an audience to an abstract form of justice. They may not be apologizing to you but they haven’t escaped freely either. Their suffer is proof: they are paying a heavy price. This isn’t merely a pleasant story. A person who feels at ease with themselves can have no need to distress others. We don’t have the energy to be cruel unless and until we are in inner torment. Along they way, the theory gives hints at how we might when we’re recovered from the blow deal with those who dealt it. The temptation is to get stern and cruel back but the only way to diminish the vicious cycle of hate is of course to address its origins which lie suffering. There is no point punching back. We much as the old prophets always told us: Learn to look upon our enemies with sorrow, pity, and, when we can manage it a forgiving kind of love.

100 thoughts on “Why Are People So Nasty?

  1. All you need to know is that they are being nasty to you, because YOU have something that THEY don't, and that they are eaten up by jealousy! I LOVE nasty people – they make me feel good about myself!!

  2. So true .. but to just take it and take it and stand back gives them more power and they end up like little Hitlers destroying peoples lives jobs companies and countries…its best something is done to stop these naughty children /adults in their wake as early as possible..mental hospital if necc or just taken away and given a good hiding ..

  3. The problem is technology. Young people are absorbed on their cell phones too much and are rude when they do not return greeting someone. Manners needs to be taught in schools, society, homes. Young people tend to think they do not have to be kind to us older folk, who didnt need phones to communicate. People were basically friendly many years ago. Not anymore.

  4. Oh give me a break, "People are nasty cause they are in pain"? What a load of bullshit,people are mean cause they are stupid shit bags,who don't give a fuck about others or their feelings.Stop making excuses for these pathetic loosers.😡

  5. As true as this is, there is a problem with it: the passivity suggested here only makes you look like more of a victim & your bullies (or jerks – take your pick) will only increase the pressure until you relent. And face it – we all have our limits. I just went through an episode of this garbage last night, where someone who thinks herself better than everyone else (but really is a sad case of misplaced anger) decided to belittle me & another person on a stupid GAME chat. And it's one of these dumb app games! The problem is society – we allow this behavior to get worse & worse & people are perpetually addicted to emotions. Like vampires, they feed off the suffering of others. And people wonder why I have social anxiety disorder! People who bully & torment others are just vile & unfortunately, not responding eventually no longer is an option. So what do you do then?

  6. Expains this pres drump and his angry maga mob that cheers on his bullying insults while he fondles the flag faking patriotism

  7. I think more in Darwinian terms: people can't get past the primitive idea that when they meet a prospective equal, injuring that other somehow makes them the fittest and therefore worthy to survive. This system serves us just fine if we happen to be a lion or a moose in the rut, but we as human beings are supposed to have what we call "civilization" and like to at least pretend we've evolved beyond all this.

    Feeling good about yourself can be hard work: you can learn to sing, or become a doctor. You can write a book or raise a child. There are thousands of things you can do, but all of them take determination and courage and time and hard work.

    -for those looking for the cheap and easy you can just hurt somebody and walk away feeling superior. It's just a momentary fix though, you'll probably need to do it again tomorrow or next week.

  8. They won't get away with it unless you pay attention to them. In other words, you just should ignore these people. They don't deserve the time you spend thinking about them. You sure have more important and more interesting things to do with your time

  9. "A forgiving kind of love" towards those who are cruel to us? That is some backwards BS. I have spent the first 40 years of my life doing that. I can assure you, it is a monumental waste of time. I hope that SoL starts to teach how to have boundaries towards abusers and how to love yourself by permanently disengaging from cruel people.

  10. Plenty of people live in anguish and hurt no one.
    This reason does not explain that plenty of social predators exist who do not care about other people one iota, not to mention disorders of those who have no empathy or conscience like Narcissists Sociopaths or Pyschopaths! The enjoy giving pain to others!

  11. I'll take down anybody's energy if they are coming across as attention seeking. It's vulgar to be an attention whore. I will obliterate their mood, energy and anything else I can do if I see and feel that energy from someone. It's the calling card of overt narcissism. I feel it's my life's mission to pop their balloon.

  12. This video is EXACTLY what I needed to hear I am dealing with a bully at work and I'm at the end of my rope with her. She enjoys making people cry and enjoys people being distressed by her. She belittles my ideas then takes the credit for them. I really needed this video

  13. Society itself is cruel, nasty and nastiness is contagious. When people are nasty to you, you also start to hit back and retaliate nastily and become cynical and view the world as same way

  14. Don't point fingers y'all.
    You don't know what they've been through. Be grateful you haven't had the hardship they did. Ever had a parent with a severe psychological disorder? I hope you haven't. But some people do live under Shakespearean tragedies and life is hard for them. Don't judge them. Or hurt them. Help them. They're hurt enough.

  15. This video tries to display the nasty person as some kind of a victim. I tried being nice and forgiving, but eventually their behavior starts to take its toll on you. The best thing to do with a toxic person is get away from them!

  16. So the jade you get turns you into? Does this horned shadow follow you until you get an apology? I am sorry that the sugar if life wrecks your enamel of spirit…. cactuses love hugs

  17. Jesus said, 'Forgive them father, they don't know what they are doing'. If you want forgiveness then practice forgiveness. However, you don't have to be a doormat. Forgive and forget or forgive and move on. Nobody after all is perfect and we all let ourselves down at times and could do better.

  18. The culture that disallows individual self expression in the name of political correctness or community norms causes internal deadlocks which lead to cruelty . Life is cruel and it sometimes creates cruel ppl. This must be excepted

  19. There are plenty of nasty bullies out there that are doing just fine. They bully because its the fun, cool, socially proper thing to do so they can bolster their own social status at their victim's expense.

  20. It's not that suffering is some kind of punishment to them being cruel, it's that their cruelty is arising because of their suffering and inability to deal with it.

  21. I was sabotaged, belittled, and bullied in every workplace…tried to make friends, but the clique environment never gave me a chance.

    Used to bother me…now it's just a speckle spray of water, however, i do have two co worker friends i talk to and i hang with them instead

  22. Sunday Morning (09/01/19), Intersection of 7th St. and Poplar, Terre Haute Indiana, 7th Federal Court District. Whomever was driving the Red 3/4 ton Truck, Diesel, Extended Cab Tinted Windows you need to CHECK yourself. You intentionally provoked the situation and are a enemy of the United States of America.

  23. I used to be the kind of person who would not take solace in the fact that my tormentors were suffering as well. I found this fact pretty horrible in that it meant that almost all people were suffering; almost everyone is just living their life in pain, why should anyone live at all if they are in constant pain?

  24. I say a big reason is lack of proper discipline these days. Too many people gotten away with bad behavior (instead of addressing the root of the problem) and it only gets worse because there is no real consequences or justice as they still hurt others. People lack respect for others but demand it for themselves when they show that they don't deserve it based on how they treat others. Plenty of people been through a lot and is suffering still don't hurt others because they know better and know it won't help anyone but create more problems. Sometimes tough love and counseling is needed to address some issues. People used to learn from their mistakes in order to help make better decision. One such way was being disciplined at an early age. Do something bad, you are grounded, lose privileges, suspended from school or their job and maybe even fired or expelled depending on the situation.

    Now people are getting away with doxxing others and even assaulting them, etc…Just look at Jonathan a.k.a. Jessica Yaniv. He hit others on camera, threatened people, doxxed them, sued innocent people that cost them their business, etc…his mother enables it instead of stopping his behavior even though no adult should even be acting like that and he is still roaming free.

  25. In my own twisted mind, sometimes I just find it funny when people are so mean. You can turn their nastiness into anger just by laughing at them. They really don't know what to do when you're laughing at them.

  26. Deep shame drives us to either go inwards and feel powerless and shameful or drives us to feel powerful, feel shameless and shame others. Because we are so afraid of dealing with our inner shame.

  27. For all boys out there who fap a lot, I started nofap and my life changed no pmo 60 days you wouldn't care shit about what someone says or thinks about you, though you will be demotivated at times, but try it. Now I have become the opposite of what I used to be. You get the confidence to go through anything.

  28. What about the people who are NOT suffering from some kind of internal pain? What about the people who take genuine pleasure in watching others suffer? The people who lack integrity, respect, reverence, morals, empathy, or any positive quality? I'm serious, such people exist. They have absolutely zero redeeming qualities, their entire personality is built around the antithesis of being a decent human being, and they like it that way.

  29. I know someone who’s always been naty to people for years. Not a friend as I would hardly describe them as such but someone I cross path every now and again. Thinks she superior but is just arrogant. One day I shall say to her. “I know you’re in pain. I know it can’t be easy being a mother whose daughter got taken off you because you smoked weed. I can only imagine what torture it must be everytime someone sings rock-a-bye-baby or even talking about children in general. I see your pain but I will not carry it.”

  30. This video isnt 100% true. A lot of people are in pain and depressed and dont bully others. Some people are honestly and truly bad people and just like starting trouble.

  31. After watching many of your videos, i've come to understand that all objectively "bad" behaviour is from a cause seeped deep from somewhere somehow.

    But i can't help but think that bad things will inevitably happen to everyone at some point in their lives that will affect them negatively somehow.

    Since everyone reacts differently to it, the human world will always inherently be filled with people who are deep-inside, troubled.

    And it seems that identifying your own behaviours as "bad" is often vital yet almost invisibly difficult to do, almost everyone who is in the darker pits may never come out of it unless via external help.

    So if our entire existence is of struggle and how we deal of it, most of which we almost cannot control, is humanity just an experience?

  32. You can't even comment on videos anymore without people being like, "oMg Ur Dum 1v1 mE oN FurTNigHT"
    You can tell they have no life because of how bad their spelling and grammar is.

  33. So many of these nasty people need to go and see a therapist instead of spreading suffering around them. However, they are so cowardly, they never show up at the psychotherapist practice !

  34. My internet friends are really into astrology and they are making me feel anxoius about myself. Can't get rid of them, and what have I done? I much meaner to everybody I miss the old me

  35. A lot of people are mean just because they are spoiled and/or low on empathy. Stop trying to paint bad people as victims of some sort.

  36. I am an autistic person and multiple individuals hurt my feelings. They bullied me, belittled me and mistreated me. I do treat others respectfully but people love putting me on the guilt spot. There are individuals who would attend other peoples get togethers, if mine, they are not interested. There are individuals who made false accusations about me. And there are even individuals who deleted me from their social media feeling they are too cool for me. I wish us people with learning disabilities get treated equally as others. What a tight world😢

  37. I normally wouldn’t believe in any mean negativity anybody says to me because I know it’s not true, just remember that you guys are amazing and wonderful and don’t give negativity to other people

  38. Being a sensitive person, I used to search for reasons when people used to pick on me. I used to let them win by getting angry and thinking of ways to retaliate. It turns out that in all cases, people bully others because of self-hatred arising due to personal problems. You are trying to hurt / belittle others because of your own perceived short-comings and insecurities. You have some deep seated issues. If you hate yourself, how can you possibly be nice to others?! This video was an epiphany for me! I understand now why some people choose to dish out the dirt. Rather than feeling angry, I pity them. They must be going through hell mentally.

  39. Because people who are dumb and lack common sense deserve to be yelled at/bullied for wasting other people's efforts and time.

  40. Simple answer, they're not people. People aren't nasty unless manipulated or taught to be nasty by other nasty beings. Only a human would understand.

  41. Wronge!
    Psychopaths brains have been studied and it is shown that they work differently.
    They are less sensitive to others emotions and pain. They can actually experience pleasure from witnessing others suffering, a study showed psychopaths release the pleasure hormone dopamine when witnessing others pain.

  42. Humanity as a whole deserves nothing less than to be tortured and killed, although the nice thing to do would be to euthanize them all at the same time. 99% of the people here belong here. The Earth is a maximum security prison for the criminally insane.

  43. Because it feels good to make someone else miserable when you yourself are miserable. Then you are no longer alone with your misery. Seems quite fair really.

  44. I’m Argentine. Here in England everyone just is so horrible to me and I had enough. I really want to go back to my home in Rosario. Kettering is the worst place in England, I literally mean it.

    Sorry for my bad English

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