do you ever struggle to fit in now you
will have your close friends who just totally get you but when you’re out and
about with certain social groups do you ever feel that no matter how hard you
try to gain rapport you just feel like you’re making a fool of yourself or
maybe that you’re surrounded by idiots now some people do seem to be naturally
popular whilst others can’t seem to get it right no matter how much effort they
make to fit in and in some cases the harder they try the worse it gets so in
my series of videos I want to be showing you two things firstly I want to help
you understand why one person or social group can make you feel like they are
totally honored to have you with them while when with another person or social
group they make you feel like you really shouldn’t be there and secondly I want
to show you how you can read other people and adapt what you do to gain
compliment and not conflict if you’re new to my channel hi I’m sue
blackhurst and I bring the world of social psychology into everyday language so if
you’re fascinated by people and you want to learn more about yourself and the
relationships that you have with the people around you then subscribe to my
channel now as my videos are all about you so this is the first of a series of
videos that I want to go through to help you build better relationships
this is relationships of people that you know this is about your partner it could
be your siblings it could be your children or your parents it could be
friends family or even the colleagues at work so it is going to be a whole set of
videos that I’m going to run through because the content available for this
subject is going take me months and months to cover so watch this video as a
starter and then each week we will build on this they will be stand alone videos
but if you can walk to series you’ll gain so much more from it okay so let’s
get into our behaviour profiling because we are going to learn here about people how
they behave what they do about you and your behavior and that will help us
learn where we get compliment and conflict and down the line as we go over
the weeks we’ll learn what we can do to help build those relationships let’s
start off first of all because this is really just introducing it for different
types of behavior we’ve got red yellows greens and blues now we use colors
because colors are just a great depiction when you think about people and
behaviors because if I said to you somebody was fiery red that may give you
a whole host of images as to what that person might be like so we can first of
all divide these four colors into two separate sides our reds and yellows will
be one type of behavior which you will know clearly and our blues and our
greens would be another type one side we known are known as introverts and one
side is known as extrovert so which way to think it might be well
if I think again of fiery red what would you depict as a fire a red person
are they an introvert so they’re more milder they’re calmer their a bit more
reserved they probably speak a little bit quieter
a little bit slower they probably have a little bit less confidence in making eye
contact for long periods of time and they prefer
little bit more of the backseat they want to be kept out of things they don’t
want to be center stage whereas the extrovert on the other side these are
people that say bring it on I’m here they want people to know when they walk
into a room they lose confidence they use volume and these are the people that
you know you know they’re there so reds yellows greens blues which way do we
think it is well reds and yellows yes they are our extrovert which means blues
and greens are our introverts okay so two different types of behaviour reds
and yellows big out there you know where they are blues and greens tend to be
people that are a little bit more reserved okay so at the moment you may
see where you can fit yourself on either of those two sides very early days we
now have two different types of behavior because our blues and our reds also have
a type and our yellow and green also has a type one type we know as task focus
behavior on one type we know as people focus behavior so let’s go back to our
Reds would you think a red person is more direct more forceful and what you
know they’re people to say this is what I want and I want it now and I rather
they more people focus that’s how are you okay how things are going where do
you think they would be well your blue and your red these are what we call task
focused tack behaviors our green or yellow these are our people focused i can’t spell today what am i doing that okay well people focus so now what we have is
four different types of behavior our reds being task focused extroverts our
yellows being people focused extroverts our greens being people focused
introverts and our blues being task focused introverts so there’s four
different types of behavior however when you think about people in the world
there are more than four different types of behaviors that we see and we exhibit
so how can we fit them all onto these four quadrants well let’s take the word
red again let’s change the word red to the word chair so if I asked you how
many chairs do you think there are in the world are
there tens hundreds of thousands well you would probably say yeah there’s
thousands of different types of chair in the world but if I said to you here I’m
going to present you with a chair you’ve never seen before would you know what it
was and you go yeah I recognize it’s a chair would you therefore know what to
do with it yeah sit on it well understanding human
behavior is actually the same sort of thing because once you want to stand all
the different types of red behaviors that there are all the different types
of things that are red person exhibits what they want from life and how they
and what makes them happy what frustrates them what upsets them what
you understand all those things anybody that you meet and you identify red
characteristics you will therefore know how to deal with them how to interact
with them how to behave with them you will know what frustrates them you will
know what winds them up and annoys them you will know how to build up more
productive relationships also if you are a red person you will also begin to
learn what upsets or the people what you do to other people that frustrates them
so we’re going look at all these things over the next few weeks so at the moment
what we’re saying is there will be a whole host of behaviors that fit into
that red quadrant and we’re going to learn about all of those as we go along
and so here we have an okay introverts and our extrovert you’re not
one or the other okay you don’t have a fixed point but you do have the ability
to shift we all hear about the word behaving shifting our behaviors or we
have something called behavioral shift so let’s say we have zero percent of
introversion versus extraversion then let’s say well 50 percent and 100
percent there’s no better or worse with this all we have is difference okay an
introvert versus an extrovert there’s no better worse right or wrong we only have
difference so if we have somebody here and let’s say this person is right say
they are you know thirty percent on the introvert scale okay so they are
introverted they’re not as introverted as somebody who would measure say 10 or
but they’re still fairly mild they still want at least be kept
a little bit on you know out of the public eye these are people that you
know if you go out you’re at a party in a restaurant they’re quite happy just
sitting at the end of the table they’re quite happy not being the center of
attention so that is what we call their measure however we all have the
ability to sort of move don’t we we don’t stay static all the time and we go
back for me and that’s where I am every day so we have a 10% (5% either way)
behavioral shift so this person could go down to 25 to 35 so we now have this
bracket here that what we call that is our comfort zone that is where we like
to be that is where this person feels that they are most comfortable and that
they’re happy whatever situation they are in so if we take this person and we
then ask them to be in a situation or a place outside their comfort zone they
have to try very hard to in the first instance adapt their behavior so they
can adapt their behavior yet another further 5% either side so they’re not
going to go down to 20% or 40% and now we have a second area here so this
second area is what we call our adapted zone and that simply means that we are
being asked to adapt our behavior down to the circumstances that we find
ourselves in so we would adapt our behavior for a job interview we would
adapt our behavior meeting let’s say you know boyfriend girlfriends parents for
the first time we would adapt our behavior we’re going to meet school
teachers or parents evening and we also adapt our behavior if maybe going
to a big celebrations a massive party and way to up our level of extraversion
so we have our own measure we have our comfort zone and we have our adaptive
zone so we’re able to move and shift what we do very slightly either side but
you now take this introvert and you place
introvert somewhere they get a different color for this you place an introvert
somewhere outside their adaptive zone so we’re not asking them to behave at 60%
this means were taken an introvert on we’re saying to them oh by the way I
want you to go onstage I want it to make a very lively presentation and I want
you to speak to the rest of the organization or maybe we’re at a party
or a club or something and someone sat down quite happily and then people say
let’s go and dance and they get I’m quite happy I just want to sit here
come on get up private dance have a life no no I’m really happy just where I am
I’m not singing to this don’t dance I’m just saying this person wants to sit
down we’re taking them to a level which is outside their comfort and adapted
zone this is now placing them into the third zone which is what we call our
stress so now you’re stressed zone is something that you can quite happily dip
in and out of as long as it’s for a very short space of time and as long as you
can revert back into your adapted and then your comfort zone very quickly
afterwards because if we’re taking this introvert and we’re constantly placing
them with groups of people and with friendship groups where these people
their behavior is far more on this and extroverts line they’re slowly going to
feel that they’re trying to behave in that way but it’s causing them levels of
anxiety because it’s making them feel it’s not the true then and therefore
they’re saying basically I’m pretending to be somebody that I’m not and this
works in Reverse you can have somebody placed on the extrovert zone and we’re
asking them to sit down and be amongst people who again are different to who
they are and their their feeling and false because they’re behaving away
that’s neither natural or comfortable to them so have their introvert and
extrovert that’s one level you will have a measure and you will be able to adapt
it you will be able to then revert back to your comfort zone or you are placed
into a stress zone now we also have the first
cool measure it works in exactly the same way so you can have somebody who’s
got zero 50% and 100% so we’re taking somebody who is say 90% task-focused now
this is somebody who goes this is what I want
when’s it happening do it now let’s go here
I want that what’s going on you know you’re out in a restaurant and the
waiter brings the food and they go what’s this you know they just on it
they know what they want they’re very forceful they’re very direct and that’s
something very high to us focused all these things have a place no right or
wrong we just have different and then we go down to the people focus the people
focused these just love life people being happy let’s make the world a
lovely a place so as much as they’re out there going let’s all be friends
let’s all be lovely their focus isn’t necessarily gaining a result now this
result could be you know getting the table and restaurant pushing forward to
the bar if you’re trying to get to a bar to get drinks these are people that you
know again sit back and they will talk and talk and talk and talk talk but
actually you sometimes feel that there is no substance so you will again have
whatever you are you’ll have a measure you’ll have your adapted you’ll have
your stress and it’s over um you have your comfort zone you have you adapted
anything out of it will go and be your stress though it works in exactly the
same way so what we’re saying here is and this is what we’re going to be
looking at over the next few weeks we have four different behavioral quadrants
and you will have a mixture of all four and this mixture will be personal to you
but where we have read you will have a measure of introversion and extraversion
and tascam people so somebody could be 90 percent extraversion and 90 percent
task focused that could be your behavioral point that told me something
about you and that’s read somebody could be 60
percent extraversion and let’s say about 70 percent
tasks they are still read but they have a different type of read behavior but
they are still read and once we understand these behavioral types that
will tell me and tell you it will tell you so much about who you are what you
want from life how I need to speak to you and how we interact where we need to
go what I need to get you what we need to do when we’re there we can learn
these things about all these behaviors we’ll learn about you and where you are
I’m gonna let the people that you know and by the time we’ve completed this yes
you will be able to go out you will see people and you will be able to read
their behavior adapt your own behavior to get complement and not conflict and
you will be able to build much better relationships well hope you found this
interesting so far this is just week one of a whole series so do subscribe hit
that notification bell so you don’t miss each video because remember we’re
talking about you

27 thoughts on “Understanding People (WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF ME) INTRODUCTION

  1. I struggle with people who try to compete with you or people who don't reciprocate
    care and concern for you because they are so self-absorbed.

  2. Interesting that you are using colours. (I know that grid with the proper names – Melancholic, Choleric, Sanguine & Phlegmatic.) I've had that table used the most at church (there was popular time of it in the 70, 80 & again 90's), and also that we're often a combination of 2 of these. I've seen soooo many other charts to describe people (ie also in church & youth group, but also at work, in counselling, at uni, in general reading, etc), but this particular chart (again proper names) is the best. It also was the 1st one I learnt 40yrs ago, lol. I can understand you using just colours to start with (or if you just stick with colours). I look forward to you speaking on this. It should be a reminder & maybe you might give me some new insights. I know what I am (a mix of Red & Blue, although only could see the Blue as a 13-14yr old when I first was taught about this… and only in my 20's when someone – a very dominant Choleric – yelled at me that I was one, too, ie Red. That upset me, until I realised it's not all bad, especially as I matured & got more experience in the world & came to work on my skills & strengths in work, study & church. Good luck with this new series. Cheers! 😎👍🇦🇺

  3. Great video, Sue. This is so insightful and I think I will find this very useful for understanding and interacting with friends and family in the future. However is this your own theory or does it come from an existing psychology/social science theory? It would be great to provide some links to any theory that you referenced (even if it is your own take) or if not be clear about claiming it as your own. Thanks and looking forward to the next video 😉

  4. Fascinating! Thank you Sue, you have a great skill for teaching/presentation. Looking forward to the rest of the series.

  5. This reminds me of a book in my pile that I want to read. I'm putting it in my bag for tomorrow. I guess i'm Red and task focused. But also mindful of not hurting anybody around me as I complete the task. I'm an ENFJ and I was told years ago that HR would suit me and now kind of almost by chance I'm working in HR and I love it. I love these kind of behaviour assessments. But maybe that 's typically RED. ''let's systemise our personalities!''

  6. What a great video Sue. Really interesting! Will be watching these episodes to gain a better understanding of my work colleagues. Love your comment regarding being surrounded by idiots in the introduction! 🤣Looking forward to the next episode!

  7. These days people are too concerned with themselves and might criticise or belittle or criticize or judge or laugh at people to feel better about themselves. It's best to keep interactions polite with people so you are not having awkward interactions with people. There is people who don't want to make the effort to be friendly and interested in other people . Stick to your inner circle so you are not over sharing or over chatty or self reference everything what you say Or do.

  8. You have a delightful way of imparting information that I really appreciate. Very excited for this new series about understanding people. Let the learning begin…

  9. I don't seem to struggle with any behaviours really, i do seem to get along with most people….but i do know i would struggle with MM now i have got to know her narcissistic false ways….Great vid Sue looking forward to the next phase…👍

  10. Thank you, Sue, for your insight and willingness to share your knowledge with your viewers. You always get my grey matter churning.

  11. Fantastic! As soon as you got into the differing extrovert and introvert types, my mind exploded!!! LOL I was thinking, yep that is so me! OMG that is so my boss.. and oh yeah, that's my sister, etc. Good one – look forward to more on this new series. Thx Sue! 🙂

  12. Wow! This was truly informative!! I've always wondered how I was able to swing from feeling like myself which is fairly introverted (comfort zone) to being someone almost totally different, which would be very bubbly and vivacious ( stress zone) what I did notice was like you said- I could only do it for so long then I needed to retreat and go back to myself. I feel like I've just gained insight into myself lol. Thank you!

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