UNDER THE INFLUENCE: EPISODE THREE //MAX’S HOLIDAY PARTY


– How did you not know we
were running out of gas? – I thought we were in Australia. – Trish, they have cars there. – Yeah, but everything’s
backwards, where even are we? – Connecticut. – Connetti, Connectticut? – Connecticut, as in Connecticut? – I’ve literally never
heard of her in my life. – We’re like an hour outside of the city, how’ve you never heard of it? – Are you sure you’re saying it right? – Oh my.
– Yes! It’s a state. – Oh, oh, see I was home schooled and my parents don’t believe in geography. – Didn’t believe in it?
– I know! That’s why I have such
a passion for traveling. – That doesn’t make any sense. We wouldn’t even be in this mess if the church didn’t decide to be selfish. I mean, not letting us
meet because they’re busy. – It is Christmas. – Exactly! So much for the giving spirit. – Well, it was giving of
Monica to offer up her home. – Country home. Monica has so many homes, remember? – Hey, when is Triple A getting here? – I don’t know, I thought you asked them? – Oh no, I was editing my podcast. – I asked you if you had
gas, and you said yes! – Yeah, and I do, but Nikki, come on, don’t you wanna wait
until we get to the party? – What? – Don’t tell me you’ve never
tried fire ass cocaine? – What?
– Not even a bump? – Yay?
– Why are we celebrating? I’ve never done it. – That’s southern Cali for coke. – We’re not sure what’s happening here. – Well. – Court, you’ve never heard someone say, “I was pounding so much yay last night?” – No. – Some people are so uncultured. (upbeat music) – There is some ice in the freezer and some water in the fridge. – Okay, ice in the freezer,
water in the fridge. – Right, there’s also some
more lights in the basement if you wanna use some for decoration, but I think you’re already
going a little overboard. – Well, you never know when something’s gonna turn into a party. – What? – Did someone say party? I have yarn for days. – Wait, Dr. Janet’s is
helping you decorate? – Yes, she’s a DIY influencer, Monica. – True. – This is her area of expertise. I’ll call you when I need
a Benjamin button baby or a lackluster purse
or something, I don’t. – That was very sweet about
me and rough about the kids. – I’m off, I’m going to Pilates, and then I’m getting a
holiday-themed facial, where they massage your
face with pine needles and then roll out your
wrinkles with candy cane. I won’t even tell you how much it was, but I’m sure it’s more than
either of you can ever imagine. – Wait, Monica, where are your kids? – Oh my god. Okay. This is why I don’t take
my Xanax before breakfast. – Wow, Wow!
– Give me a second, I’ll wrangle them. – Good Mom, good Mom. If they’re not down here in 15 minutes, they become part of the decor. (soft holiday music) – Oh, I’m so glad we finally got rid of those people. – You mean Monica and her kids? – Yes. Like, talk about attention hogs, pathetic. – I think they were just,
you know, being kids. – Okay, well that one was
crying literally for no reason. – You said Santa wasn’t real. – He’s not, number one. – But he’s a kid, and so
Monica said, you know, Santa’s gonna come and– – Listen, life’s tough,
get a helmet, okay, Lauren Elsie Conrad taught me that, taught me a lot, actually. – Oh. – I wrote my senior thesis about her. I failed, and it was worth it. – Well, listen, thank you so much for helping me decorate for group. Look at us, this means a lot and I love a theme, you know? – Well, decorating for group or whatever giant elaborate
party happens thereafter. – What did you? – What’s the theme? – Oh, the Holidays! – Wow, the Holidays, this time of year? – Yes.
– Very original. – Oh, thank you. Do you like the holidays? – Not all Adderall-ed up
about it like you seem to be, but they’re fine. – Max, don’t be ridiculous. The only upper I need is Ritalin. (soft holiday music) – Why are you wearing this? – For the party.
– What party? – Let’s get this meeting started! – I have to say I’m so touched that we keep referring
to group as a party. ‘Cause it feels like a party, right? You know what I mean? Whatever happens, happens. So why don’t we part with our phones, so we can party with each other. – It’s actually so beautiful in here. I mean, it looks like it was decorated by a real lonely housewife that’s
like withering into old age. – This is my house,
Trish, and you know that. – Yeah, and I said it was nice. – Okay, so the holidays, right, it brings up a lot of
feelings for a lot of people. Who has feelings, hm? – Okay, make it quick, people. Kevin, would you mind
whipping some drinks? I have to put the finishing
touches on my look, okay? People should be arriving imminetely and I need to make my grand entrance. Meeting adjourned! – The meeting’s not over,
we didn’t even start, so sit and relax. – Well, it’s party time. – I thought the group was the party. – Wait, Max, are you throwing the party? – Does anybody see Monica,
’cause I just see GiGi Hadid sitting here, I do, look at you. Gorgeous! My Broadway friends are
just gonna (rolling tongue) lap you up like a bowl of milk. – Okay I know exactly what you’re doing, but I accept, I love it. Should I get good china out? – Yes, that would be great, thank you. See ya later. – You wanna help me with
some of these drinks? – Yeah.
– I’ll, okay. Well, why don’t we talk? – No talking. – Did Max pick out these wines? – No, I did, is that so hard to believe? – I just didn’t peg you for a
Sauvignon Blanc kind of guy. – Can’t have sophisticated taste? (laughing) Why, cause I’m a gamer? – Of course not because you’re a gamer, the way you dress, however. (laughs) – Hmm, okay So, what are your holiday plans? – Probably just gonna go to Florida and hang out with my family. – You on the naughty list or nice list? – What? – Oh my god, as soon as
that came out my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said it. – The naughty or nice list? – I’m sorry.
– I’m embarrassed for you! – I take it back, okay,
I’m terrible at flirting. – You’re not that bad. (happy music) ♪ Dashing through the snow, ♪ ♪ in a one horse opened sleigh, ♪ ♪ through the fields we go ♪ – Wait, what the hell? – What’s wrong? – Where is everybody? – We’re right here,
what, you can’t see us? Oh my god, you didn’t
take my coke, did you? Call 911 right now, and
tell them to step on it. – No! You lying psychopath, I did not take your coke! My Broadway friends are
supposed to be here, I spent $1,000 on this gown. – You’re a little fast and
loose with the word gown. – Don’t you dare come for me, Monica, your kids have terrible skin! (gasps) – Wait, you said I was so pretty earlier. – Yeah well, life’s tough, get a helmet. – Oh my god, Elsie. – Max, stop it! Be nice to her. This could be her last Christmas. – You stop it! I am not that old. And Max, remember, this is my house. – Why is everybody yelling? – I’m sorry, I’m just so stressed. I have a flight to Belgravia tomorrow. – Wait, where? – Belgravia. Last time I was there,
there was so much drama. I had to enter this baking competition, and then I bumped into this girl, who reminded me exactly of my best friend from high school, Gabriella. – No Trish, you are
not going to Belgravia, because Belgravia is the fake town in that freaking Netflix original movie, The Princess Switch! Vanessa Hudgens is going to Belgravia, and she is a gay icon, how
dare you speak her name? – Max, are you okay?
– I’m fine! – You’re kinda losing it right now. – Am I losing it, Monica? We’re both just sand slipping
through the hour glass, and you all ruined the reveal! (all gasp) – Vanessa Hudgens has made
movies based on my life before, I don’t know why I was so surprised. – I’ll go, okay. I almost forgot my
secret weapon, knowledge. Okay? But, if I don’t come
back, please send help. – Two wigs, who knew? (knocking) – Don’t come in.
– Come in? You okay? You know, you seem
pretty upset down there. – In my defense, I haven’t freaked out like that since I nailed that
little twerp in the face with a pumpkin on Halloween. – That sounds like you,
but let’s look past it. What’s going on? – You know, maybe they did come, and they saw your horrid
decorations through the window, and then they left. – No, they didn’t, I was
downstairs the whole time. Also, you supervised with the decorations. – Maybe they saw your outfit then, and assumed it was the homeless shelter and ran ’cause they hate volunteering. – Can you stop being a
bitch for like five seconds? – No, I can’t. Sorry, I know that I should, but I literally cannot. – Yes, you can. – I can’t and that’s
probably why nobody’s here. So, why don’t you just
leave like everybody else, through the back door? And then Venmo request
me for half an order of mozzarella sticks, half an order of chicken tenders, half a bowl of french onion soup, and six tequila sodas, because that’s what I get on dates. They call it the Max special. – Okay, well I am here, and I’m not going anywhere. And how kind of you to
share all your dishes with somebody else, okay. – I take half to go. – I mean, maybe they’re just jealous. – You know, maybe they are jealous. – Yes. – That does make the most sense. – You’re stunning. That’s number one, number two, you get to make money on Instagram, while they have to, like, work or rehearse or, like sweat, you know, they’re living a life like, (scoffs). – Yep.
– Right? – What am I complaining about? I have more money than them. – The point is, why
don’t we take a picture of how gorgeous you look, post it so they feel jealous, and sing some Christmas carols? – I’ll sing, but everyone
else has to listen. – It’s your show, really. – Okay. – And by the way, I’m so sorry about your, you know, wig reveal. But, I love this one. – Oh, you like this one? Okay, well then, let’s go. – I said I loved that one. – Oh no, you just have
terrible taste, no offense. – We had such a moment. – Actually, can you throw
this out on your way out? (holiday music) – Wait, where is Jordan?
– Oh! – What a shame we could’ve played the Virgin Mary. – That’s good, that’s good.
– Play it. – Trish, that coke was crazy.

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