The lethality of loneliness: John Cacioppo at TEDxDesMoines

Translator: Tatjana Jevdjic
Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard When you look out
onto the world, it certainly appears the Earth is flat. The ground beneath you is stable and unmoving, and stars and sun circle the Earth. Hundreds of years ago, elaborated theories were developed based on these common sense observations to explain and predict
the reach of the oceans and the movement of celestial bodies. When science demonstrated that these common sense observations were illusions, and depicted the Earth and the Universe in a completely different way, people slowly came to accept that the world was not as it seemed. Scientific measurements and sophisticated calculations have repeatedly demonstrated that what we think is intuitive,
obvious and common sense cannot be trusted to be true. For that reason, modern sciences based on the denial of common sense until apparently it comes to ourselves: when science confirms a particular way of thinking about
our mind and behaviour, or depicts it in
an unusual and a new way, we tend to be skeptical that such a science is worthwhile even if possible. And instead, we fall back on intuition, prior beliefs, and yes, common sense. For instance, if I told you, scientific research has demonstrated
that opposites attract, wouldn’t you tell me
that we don’t need a science to tell us something we already know? But what if I told you that birds of a feather flock together according to scientific research, wouldn’t you say,
we don’t need a science to tell us something we already know? Or you may have realised already, of course, that these both
may be self-evident truths, but they can’t both be true since they are internally inconsistent. The science of mind and behaviour is full of such examples: self-evident truths
that both can’t be true. We know, for instance, that two heads are better than one and we know that
too many cooks spoil the broth. The next time you hear a science report
of some obvious result, remember that the obvious result
was equally obvious, but it’d just been proven to be wrong. It’s obvious there
we’re rugged individualists. True, true, true! We’re born to the most
prolonged period of dependency, but in a transition to adulthood,
we achieve autonomy, independence, to become
kings of the mountain, captains of our universe. It’s easy to think about our brain, how’s deep within a cranial vault separated, isolated, protected from others, when we look out into the social world other individuals certainly look distinct,
independent, self vicinities with no forces binding them together. No wonder that we forget that we are members of a social species, born dependent on our parents,
for our species to survive, these infants must instantly
engage their parents in protective behaviour
and the parents must care enough about these offspring
to nurture and protect them. Even when grown, we are not
particularly splendid specimens. Other animals can run faster see and smell better, and fight much more
effectively than we can. Our evolutionary advantage is our brain and our ability to communicate, plan and reason and work together. Our survival depends
on our collective abilities, not on our individual mind. We are connected across
our lifespan to one another, through a myriad of invisible forces, that, like gravitity,
are ubiquitous and powerful. After all, social species, by definition,
create a merging structures that extend beyond an organism, structures that range
from couples and families to schools and nations and cultures. These structures evolved hand in hand with neural, hormonal and
genetic mechanisms to support them because the consequent social behaviour helps these organisms survive, reproduce and leave a genetic legacy. To grow into an adulthood for a social species, including humans, is not to become
autonomous and solitary, it’s to become the one
on whom others can depend. Whether we know it or not,
our brain and biology have been shaped
to favour this outcome. The evolutionary biologist,
David Sloan Wilson, notes that if you ask people: “What are the traits of a good person?”, you’ll hear traits such as kind,
generous, compassionate and empathic. If you ask people what are
the traits of an evil person, you’ll hear traits such as cruel, greedy, exploitative and selfish. Said differently,
the traits of a good person depict someone who cares
about themselves and others, and an evil person
cares about themselves at the expense of others. Across our biological heritage, our brain and biology
have been sculpted to incline us to certain ways of feeling,
thinking and behaving. For instance, we have a number of
biological machineries that capitalise on aversive signals
to motivate us to act in ways that are essential
for our survival. Hunger, for instance,
is triggered by low blood sugar and motivates you to eat, an important early warning system
for an organism that’d require much more
time and effort to find food than going to the regrigerator door,
kitchen cabinet or fast food restaurants. Thirst is an aversive signal, that motivate s us to search
for drinkable water prior to fall in victim to dehydration. And pain is an aversive system that
notifies us of potential tissue damage and motivates us to take care
of our physical body. You might think that the biological
warning machinery stops there but there’s more. Although not common sense,
although not intuitive, the pain and aversiveness of loneliness, of feeling isolated
from those around you, is also a part of biological
early warning machinery to alert you to threats
and damage to your social body, which you also need
to survive and prosper. Just about all of us
have felt physical pain and nearly all of us have felt the heartbreak of home sickness, the agony of bereavement, the torment of unrequited love and the pain of being shunt. All of these are variations
on the experience of loneliness. When I started to study
the effects of loneliness and brain and biology
a couple of decades ago, loneliness has been characterized
as a non-chronic disease without redeeming features. It was even equated
with shyness and depression with being a loner, a person
with marginal social skills. Scientific measurements
and sophisticated calculations, to our surprise, revealed
that these were myths. Science and common sense
had again produced two very different depictions
of a phenomenon. And yet if you look at the way
we are increasingly living our lives, it shows the extent
to which we still buy in to those myths of loneliness and
values of autonomy and independence. For instance, if you look at the percentage of one-person
housesolds in 1940 across the US it was largely less than 15% of the housesolds by state. Fastforward to 1970, and it’s grown to be
between 15 and 20%. Fastforward to 2000 and it now exceeds 25%
in most states in America. And that light blue state, Uhah in 2010 census has gone darker blue. The prevalence of loneliness
is also on the rise. In the 1980s, scholars have
estimated that about 20% of Americans felt lonelier than
at any given point of time. Two recent nationally
representative surveys indicate that this number has doubled, but you don’t hear people
talking about feeling lonely, and that’s because
loneliness is stigmatised. The psychological equivalent to
being a loser in life or a weak person. And this is truly unfortunate, because it means we are
more likely to deny feeling lonely, which makes no more sense
than denying we feel hunger, thirst or pain. For living with loneliness
we now know is the major risk factor for broad-based morbidity and mortality. Consider a couple of
the conditions we know about – premature death. Living with air pollution increases
your odds of an early death by 5%, Living with obesity, we know,
a national health problem, increases your odds
of an early death by 20%. Excessive alcohol consumption: 30%. A recent med analysis of around
a hundred thousand participants shows that living with loneliness increases your odds of an early death by 45%. We’re not the only social species
and the experimental investigation of non-human social animals
who were isolated shows they too suffer deleterious
physiological consequences and an abbreviated lifespan. Across our history, as a species,
we have survived and prospered by banding together, couples, families and tribes,
for mutual protection and assistance. We think of loneliness
as a sad condition, but for social species,
being on the social perimeters, not only sad, it is dangerous. The brains of social species
including our own have evolved to respond to being
on the social perimeter by going into a self-preservation mode. If you isolate a rodent
and then put it in an open field such as these dots
at the bottom of the image, it engages into what’s called
predator revision, it walks around the outside
and doesn’t venture into the middle where escape from a flying predator
would be more more difficult. When humans feel isolated, they’re too, and not only in
an unhappy circumstance, but in a dangerous circumstance. There brains too snap
into a self-preservation mode. In a brain-imaging study
that we conducted, we showed people negative images that had nothing to do with other people or negative social images, while they were sitting in a scanner
and we were scanning. What we found was the lonelier the brain, when a negative social image
was presented, that is in a person’s environment, when something negative
socially happened, the brain allocated more attention, greater visual cortical activity
depicted in yellow here, to that image. Now, as you follow that image forward, you come to those two blue areas: that’s a temporal parietal junction. This is a piece of brain tissue
that’s involved in theory of mind, in mind reading and mentalizing, in taking another person’s perspective
and empathy. It’s responsible for the attentional
control required to step out of your head and put yourself, at least figuratively,
inside the head of someone else so you can take their point of view. The lonelier the brain, when something negative
in the social context was depicted, the less the activation in this region. It’s dangerous on the social perimeter. When something happens negative
in the social environment, that brain is focused on self-preservation, not a concern of the other person. The similarity in neural and
behavioral effects across phylogeny is a testimony to the importance
of the social environment for social species. And these deep evolutionary roots
tilting our brain and biology towards our self-preservation also suggest that
much of what’s triggered by social isolation is non-conscious. For instance, when you feel isolated you feel this motive,
this desire, this intention to connect with other people again. What you don’t feel, is that your brain has gone into
a hypervigilance for social threats and this hypervigilance
means you introduce intentional, confirmatory
and even memory biases in terms of those social interactions. And if you’re looking for dangers, you more like to see dangers whether they exist or not, meaning that you more likely to have negative interactions. And that threat surveillance
of always looking for the next foe activates neuro-biological mechanisms that can degrade your health
and lead to early mortality. Loneliness increases defensiveness because you’re focused
on your own wellfare rather than taking
the position or perspective of people with whom you interact. Loneliness increases depressive symptoms which has the odd effect
of decreasing your likelihood of having social conflict and through the acoustic and postural and facial expressions of sadness, such as this child on
this picture serves as a signal to others in the vicinity
to reconnect with you, if they are willing to do so so it’s a safe call for connection. Loneliness increases
morning cortisol levels, a powerful stress hormon, the consecuence of
the brain’s preparation for yet another dangerous day. And loneliness increases
prepotent responding, which means you are more likely to fall victim to a whole host
of unhealthy impulsive behaviours. And the end of the day doesn’t bring an end to
the brain’s high alert state. If it’s dangerous to fend off
wild beasts by yourself by a stick, imagine how dangerous it is
to lay that stick down at night when predators are out and you’re without
that safe social surround. We’ve found that loneliness
also decreases sleep salubrity, increases the number
of micro awakenings, increases the fragmentation of sleep and thereby decreases
the detoxificaxion of stressful days over the course of the night. Loneliness even alters
gene expression such as inflammatory biology
to deal with assaults. Not long ago we thought about
the genes as the keyboard on which life’s song played out. What this research
suggests is that if the genes are the keys on the piano, then the environment including
your social environment is the pianist influencing
which keys are turned on and off. Well if loneliness is dangerous, what can we do about it? When we are hungry, we can go to the refrigerator
and get a snack. When we are thirsty, we can go to the faucet
and draw a glass of water. But when we are lonely,
we have no pantry full of friends with whom we can connect and no online social networking does not replace
the comforting touch of a friend. First, recognize what the signal is and don’t deny it. Second, understand
what it does to your brain, to your body, to your behavior. It’s dangerous, as a member of a social species,
to feel isolated. And our brain snaps
into a self-preservation mode. That brings with it some
unwanted and unknown effects on our thoughts and
our actions toward others. Be aware of those,
understand those effects and take responsability
for your actions toward others. And third, respond. Understanding that
it’s not the quantity of friends, it’s a quality of a few relationships
that actually matter. Attend to the three components
of connectedness. One can promote inament connections
by developing one individual who’s trusted, in whom can confide
and who can confide in you. You can promote
relational connectance by simply sharing good time
with friends and family. We often go to the dinner table
happy that we’ve provided for our family, but having forgotten to share
any good time with them en route. Collective connectedness
can be promoted by becoming a part of something bigger than yourselves. If the obstacles to connection
seem insurmauntable, consider volunteering
for something that you enjoy. Perhaps helping to serve the needy,
volunteering in a museum, a zoo, a running club or a TedEx event. Or simply taking time to speak
to elders at the retirement home. Sharing good times is
one of the keys to connection. And don’t wait, the next time
you feel alienated, isolated or excluded, respond to that aversive signal as you would hunger, thirst and pain and get connected. Thank you. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “The lethality of loneliness: John Cacioppo at TEDxDesMoines

  1. Which science sources are giving this strange data?
    It is very easy to lie with statistics, ask me, I did a course in stats

  2. Lonlieness guilde me to death free my humanity from this chain of rampancy, free me from this body.

  3. At this moment, all I can hear, is his droning tone of voice. That dreary resonance of sonic waves, that makes me want to kill myself.

  4. This is meaningful but it's getting out of the trough to start with. If anyone can arrange for me to go to Mars on a no return mission then that might perk me up. Just a thought lol.

  5. I first noticed a bad trait in people when I was in a religion where marriage with unbelievers was frowned upon. The unmarried were looked on as losers, and the 'losers' looked on their fellow unmarried as losers too. They did not treat each other well. As an elderly man, I see the same thing. 'All the lonely people', as the song goes, seem to think very little of each other.

  6. if i'm not 'lonely' i'm not growing…it's lonely on the growing edge…correction: i'm most lonely 'among people who 'socialize' with each other but not 'personalize' with each other….i have lived 'alone' for 40 years and never been less lonely…people who are 'dependent' on other humans for their 'well being', are lonely people…people who can joy in their imagination, memories and such they are the winners…in old age , if you have learned to love being alone you'll joy in your ideas, activities, imaginings and , now and then , other 'humanoids'…'ideas are more important than people'….

  7. I was very social and a multi athletic dynamic type. I got a virus that results in relentless pain and neurological issues that make life miserable. I have so much left to do, buti cannot connect in person without paying a huge price. Not a depressive type yet i now consider what the point is. Yes even best friends and family fall away over years of no contact. It got much worse with my family mostly going Trump which has degraded our country in so many ways with greed dominating.

  8. For those who desire an abundance of interaction and don't have it being alone is tough,for those of us who do not require constant or abundant interaction not so much,apart from being told we and our lives are lacking we do just fine.

  9. i tried to suicide last night by taking pills losta pills…. ive never had any frteinds my parrentrs got divorced… im 27 and i still havvent fiogured out my life… im a failure…. im still ali8ve… i dont know what5 to do… i just got fired at my job dammit.!… now what? ?????

  10. 1:39 The statement that "opposites attract" is an utter misrepresentation of what actually happens when two magnets draw toward each other.

  11. Its crazy being depressed and alone as a teenager then seeing adults comment how they feel the same way like wow thats my future

  12. The majority of people will never understand how painful being truly alone is, imagine for 8 years of your life all the social situations you have been in all the people through people you met all the friends and memories you created, some of the best times in your life, then just erase that, all gone and replace it with sitting alone in your room everyday after work or school or college being confused as to why

  13. Just lost my long lost childhood love to suicide due to depression and isolation. this is so very true. Thank you for speaking this. IT IS SO VITALLY IMPORTANT to have a real life trusted person in your life in real time physical space.. I so regret not going to him, calling someone when I felt him disconnect to that dark & lonely place. I will never get over this.

  14. Dude loneliness is like cancer man. It can seriously mess you up. I have been through some long periods of excruciating, mind-numbing loneliness and it seriously has aftereffects and messes up your personality. Try not to feel lonely too often.

  15. Ive been severely neglected my whole life and wasnt aloud to have friends and if i talked to kids at school i was bullied and keep not being trust worthy,im 18 now,is there a way to reverse this?im still alone and i have no family or friends,i dont know how to make friends,i want to know if its possible to fix this issue

  16. I suffer from Loneliness and Depression for 30 Years now. Only very few people can even imagine the bitterness that can develop through this. I very often hear things like : "Leave the house, meet people, you need to socialize … " and so on.
    Well, i can`t anymore. It makes me feel even worse. But i find some comfort when spending time with Dogs.
    And i`m absolutely certain that these Animals can sense when a person feels isolated and lonely.

  17. If you are going to show statistics in the form of bar charts don’t manipulate them. It is not hard to find that the red “shocking” bar is 12 times bigger than the air pollution bar. I am not great at mental math’s but I am quite sure that you divide 45 by 5 you get 9 instead of 12. This is a significant difference especially if the gray bars of alcohol and obesity are of by just a small margin. You lose a lot of credibility if you start to mislead and present things that are just factually wrong. Great job ted for not checking this before letting this guy present this online. To show how I calculated this (and if other people want to check). I took a screenshot of this at full screen in 720p on a screen with a resolution of 1366 by 768, I measured the pixels and divided them through the 5% bar
    5%=51px long=1 (duh) should be: 1
    20%=193 px long= 3.784314 should be:4
    30%=298 px long= 5.843137 should be:6
    45%=616 px long= 12.07843 should be:9
    In conclusion misleading charts should be checked beforehand it is sad that someone can present things as factual whilst misleading people to get them to believe him. And yes loneliness is something we should do something about… but with facts and not lies

  18. Well, thanks for the obvious. Yes I’m alone. I’m going to die sooner. Thanks for confirming. If I had friends or family with me, I wouldn’t be alone.

  19. People are rewarded by being fake. To gain money and status, to expand and grow. Building a fake persona to fit into a highly mobile modern world.
    Should you show weakness or sadness, admit failure, you will be cast aside.

  20. Mr.(?) Cacioppo, I'm so happy that I listened to your video. It was everything I've been looking for, helpful, and so well done!

  21. He says lonely people are stigmatized, and then he goes on to stigmatize us more. Being lonely absolutely does not make me less empathetic.

    The rest I am sure is all true.

  22. Brilliant! Everything he said was very true. Especially the part where the brain can not feel empathy or be able to walk in someone else's shoes when you are in self preservation mode. Sad but true.

  23. I think the thing most of us introverts need to realize is that no one knows we are lonely but ourselves and maybe our family. So when we go in public, the only person that thinks we are different are ourselves. And we just can’t overcome that and it’s hard

  24. What he says about becoming hypervigilant against perceived negative responses from other hits home for me because that's become an issue for me. Have also come to the same conclusion he has about volunteering or becoming a part of something bigger than me and my selfish, small world is key to feeling better. Not a good thing at all to sit and ruminate alone so much.

  25. i am a person of values i live for it i die for it i fight the world for it as soon as I don't hurt it is my right to choose to be lonely and honestly I learnt from my loneliness much better than being with others I am inspired by the theories much better than the reality .iam lonely not because of others I respect all of them and I am not seeing any exception on me . I just give importance to humanity much better than I give it to objects . unfortunately I ve met a lot of people giving importance to objects and forgetting about human feelings . they don't how much great they are and we are all . but even being lonely I think about people and I want to good things to them . being lonely is just to increase creativity in my head and my soul

  26. Just order your psyche in solitude. Loneliness is only toxic when the isolated person's direction in life depends on other people. If you know your way you require no social interaction.

  27. I gave up on people a long time ago…..people have disappointed and hurt me too many times.. ..Im actually happy being alone because I have found inner peace.. i don't have to deal with other peoples drama anymore.. also Happiness comes from within .. its not something that can be found outside of yourself

  28. No one can "prove" empirically that there is or is not a God. But if there is, then the only solution to loneliness is not cognitive or social, but religious. If God exists, then no one is alone. Seeking God with sincerity, even if it means following some rules, is the only conceivable way out of loneliness.

  29. Loneliness can help people too however, you do not need a social life or anything of the sorts to find your place in this world

  30. To everyone struggling with loneliness, depression and other disorders, I hope life is kind to you from now on <3

  31. Really I am an exception to the study that he stated around the 12-13 minute mark. The more lonelier I get the more empathic I become. But who knows.

  32. our survival depends on our collective abilities, not on our individual mind. yet the greatest scientists who brought comfort into our lives were all alone.

  33. "feeling isolated from those around you is also part of a biological early warning machinery to alert you to threats and damage to your social body which you also need to survive and prosper. " no, dude. feeling isolated from those around you is just a part of the breeding mechanism.

  34. "much of what's triggered by social isolation is non-conscious." and also social isolation is non-conscious. social isolation leads to lack of breeding which in turn leads to the decrease of the population, which in turn is useful for two things.
    1. the earth can't bear so many morons on it, therefore the morons must disappear.
    2. the earth doesn't have so many resources to keep all the high consumers on it, therefore the high consumers must disappear.
    In the past there were wars erasing the morons from the face of the earth, now since a nuclear war would destroy the morons altogether, the self-preservation mechanism of the earth is to decimate the morons through loneliness.
    Nothing to worry about really, since our individual life and society don't worth a penny in the universe.
    Many people perceive their loneliness as being a gift from god, because it really, is in this day and age.

  35. There's a lot of people who suffer from loneliness here, but it is difficult to suggest solutions without knowing details. Making friends is a hard one – I was told by a teacher in school that I need to make some friends, so my mum told me I must do it so I did. Those friends aren't my current friends, but since then I learnt new skills and made many real friends.

    The first thing I learned was that if you feel people around you don't like you or don't care, you're probably wrong. You may be suffering from social anxiety, which is entirely natural, especially if you're young. Be more confident – people likely do like you, you might just not see it. If you're really struggling, and you know you have friends but you just don't believe they care, see a doctor.

    What followed was I learned was that you need to be yourself and to have something special about yourself. This often means being different in some way – for me it was being argumentative and loving chocolate to excess. The people who will love you will love you anyway, and you won't waste time on those who don't. Your confidence will attract people. Don't be afraid to lose friends by being yourself.

    But also be aware. This is the second thing I learned. Smile to everyone. Be nice to everyone. Even if they don't respond. Have humane opinions rather than individualistic. Do a self-check- are you being unreasonable or shirty with others? Are you shouting loudly about some political view to people who are not interested? Be there for others and be there when they need you. Here is the thing – being a friend is even more satisfying than having a friend.

    Third thing I learned was – show your vulnerability. Your friends can't help you unless they know you need help. People fall in love with vulnerability, people want to help, and that's how people will learn to care. It doesn't matter if you're male or female – vulnerability is what makes us human. You might have a great personality, but if you don't show vulnerability, people will never know the real you.

    The fourth thing I learned is you need to engineer the practical opportunities for the exchange of conversation and emotions – don't get upset if you're not invited to something – organise something of your own – inviting everyone round for a cup of tea at university did wonders. Organise a film night, a trip to the cinema or the ballet- whatever rocks your boat. Go to the pub, play some board games, organise a picnic, cook some dinner. Don't only ever go clubbing and increase the time in these situations when you can all just talk without being drunk. This is not about offering something, it's about creating time to be friends and showing people you like them. It's not enough to just be nice or funny.

    And finally, sometimes it's not you, it's them. Go somewhere else for a time, see if the people in your home town are different. It's a controversial one, because you will be able to make friends with those already there, but you might also want to meet people more like yourself. I found that at school I felt weird for loving classical music and for enjoying political discussions with my left wing views. But when I came to university, I found all those things were normal and I felt so much more comfortable – I was no longer a geek, but just average. This is more for those who are at school – people change as they grow up, and you have less control over who you spend your time with.

    That's all there is to it. I hope it can help at least a couple of people.

  36. So would that be a way of determining possible socially threatening people that are a danger to society?

  37. At about 2:00, he said that "Opposites attract" and "Birds of a feather flock together" can't both be true, because "they're internally inconsistent." This does not bode well for the rest of the talk, but I'm going to keep watching. Sometimes people are plain wrong about one thing but right about something they take sincere interest in. It would be nice if he got to his point soon, though.

    At about 14:00, I think he's finally getting to the point. Loneliness makes you feel like you're in danger, which is stressful and favors various bad forms of behavior, which increases chances of illness and death.

    At about 16:00, he brings up what you can do about loneliness. "Take responsibility for your actions toward others." "Respond" to the fact that you're lonely. Promote individual and collective connectedness. Volunteer in a zoo or a TEDx event. Don't wait.

    Sorry, not much here, and it's all delivered in a constant tone of trying too hard to sound urgent and authoritative.

  38. This is the best one I have seen yet on being disconnected and how it affects you. BUT it isn't easy to get positive human connections in your life. One of my biggest challenges in my life right now. Getting older and my older family is dying off one by one. 🙁

  39. This world, for what ever insane reason has a tendency to outcast intelligent and sensitive people to the loneliest places of the human experience. Leaving them there for what seems to be an eternity until they're kindred spirit cracks and the only hope left inside them is for death to come swiftly and painlessly. I ask myself everyday when I wake up alone in my apartment, why is this the way it is? I still dont know the answer.

  40. Loneliness not only shortens one's life by itself but it makes one suicidal….no mention of that I know I've been living in Nelson BC for 10 years now and never been so lonely in my life and since January suicidal ideation more than ever as I did a 6 month training ( Kundalini Yoga) and got no support from my peers ( except one) despite all of them knowing my situation.. Not even one real friend here. Spend my days/weeks/months/years alone without no meaningful relationship in this town…I love my solitude and enjoy myself , but when too much alone time , loneliness kicks in strong and hard and with it suicidal ideation fall on me like a tone of bricks.

  41. Hey, 918 thousand people watched this, so turns out we're all lonely together!!!!!!
    Am i right? Am I right? 😃

  42. By your own words change is always occuring. The way we live has changed…do research on how we can live healthier when living as you put it 'in social isolation.' I love living alone…only miss occasions for intellectual stimulation. Stop giving info that make those living alone feel worse…do more research on the positive aspects of 'loneliness.'

  43. I know I have changed as I, have reach retirement because people use to be a big part of who and what I did. I, helped others I’ve been helped but it’s too much energy to figure out people when making new friends, and they all want something, most of the people I have been really close Have died or very sick to even mention and I feel maybe some of us are better off hanging alone it’s less trouble both my husbands are deceased I was married 32 years to one he died we were so happy my second 17 years and he was much younger than my self I enjoyed great relationships with both. But I’ve not found anyone I want to even go out on a regular basis, and anyway I don’t even like the way some of the people act or they don’t have a clue on how to treat a lady!

  44. Making my lonely comment: interesting theory, and one with evolutionary basis. I see he died in 2018.😕 ..
    I will say a lot of people say they are so independent and self-reliant when that’s a lie.

  45. Well one thing's for sure. At least we're not alone in our loneliness. There are plenty of us in the same boat, so we might as well get to know each other. Hi, I'm Steve. How's your day going? 😊

  46. Gee I wondered WHY I have become a recluse. A typical day involves first dealing with traffic. Tailgaters, pull outs, brake checking, road rage, road hazards,jams etc. Customer service is horrible at most places. Forces smiles and Hellos. All this avoided by Amazon and a few mouse clicks. I do feel sorry for the single man trying to date. Ask for a date and it might be considered harassment. Just look and keep your distance and it is stalking. I am just fine in my man cave.

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