This Bitcoin look
is patent leather, for my impending patent.
I am Bitcoin, baby. Yeah. Okay. Can I help you
with something? Try to keep up, Brad.
Meet phone wigs. We've got the Ross,
we've got the Rachel. Going over here to the Lincoln,
classic Abbey, little Jaime, this time I shit myself,
don't ask, and Bernadette Peters, bitch. These are phone cases? Brad, I'm sorry.
I can't go any slower, okay? Phone wigs are a 21st century
cultural phenomenon. In an age where technology
divides and isolates us, phone wigs give us the chance
to feel comforted; to connect and humanize. And that … Look at me.
That's the pieces of my wizness. Wizness. My wizness. Wizness! Hey, hey, we found
the sweatshirt. Oh my gosh! Someone saw it on the news
and brought it back. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry
I've been telling everyone I pass by
to boycott this place. You did what? No, I'm kidding. Prank. Please don't come back here.
You're a bad person. Hey, sir. You should have this. What the (beep) is this? It's a sweatshirt. It's actually
a vintage sweatshirt with, like, the perfect amount
of wear, so … MICA? I don't want this shit.
I went to RISD. It's too hot out here.
I can't wear synthetics. Okay. I am sorry. Great.
I'm sorry. Okay. You found your Bitcoin number
on an old fruit by the foot. Yeah. … that you remember
that I gave you for a Waka Flocka
Flame ticket. Yeah. And you want to cash out
that money today to get a patent
for these phone wigs? Choo Gots! Finally.
It took long enough, my Brad. Now, give me the loot.
Give me the loot. You could learn how
to communicate better. Rude. Anyway. $8265 dollars has been
transferred to your account. Yes! The internet
is my forking God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, now. Come on. Grow up.
What are you, 26 now? I'm 27. What are you, like a hot,
ripped, uncut 50 year old? 47. Okay, fine. I just mean that
we had sex when I was 21. That's gross.
You grow up, maybe. Okay. That's fair. But I was going through
a divorce then, and I was in a really insecure
place. And having sex with someone younger
boosted my self esteem a little. Oh. I mean, I'm in an age-
appropriate relationship now. That's really … Good, good for
you. Yeah. Her name's Marie and I
think you'd really like her. Okay. That's cool. You're cool. You're good.
It was great to see you. Good. So long. Phone wigs. No more Bitcoin!
No more Bitcoin! Jesus, it's hot out now. No more Bitcoin!
No more Bitcoin! Who this? Yes. What are we
protesting today, huh? Bitcoin, because
it's killing the Earth. But what? It's paperless. Oh, you know. Bitcoin has to be mined
by thousands of computers 24/7. It's a huge waste of energy because of all
the servers it's using, and it's the pedophiles'
currency of choice. Oh, it is? Fueling the child sex trade
industry and dominating
the illegal arms world. No more Bitcoin!
No more Bitcoin! Is it hot out to you? Well, you can thank Bitcoin
for that, because it's contributing
to climate change. So, you're feeling the effects.
Bitcoin is killing the earth! Totally killing the earth!
Good luck with your protest. No more Bitcoin! Okay, so be honest. Do I have to donate
that eight thousand dollars? I know Bitcoin is evil, but it's like,
no more evil than paper money. It's like also, like,
what about eating meat? The meat industry is the biggest
contributor to climate change. I mean, way more than Bitcoin. Do you know that the fashion
industry burns the remainders
of its clothes at the end of every season
to retain its value? Mountains of clothes on fire. Yeah, not to mention that it's
all made by little children. You know recycling
is a (bleep)ing hoax. Are you really scrubbing out
my udong containers and peeling the labels off
and melting the plastic down to reform them
into new udong containers? Oh, dude.
Garbage island is real. Mother earth is like
(screaming). And we're like, "No, bitch.
Die, bitch." It's awful. Yeah. Why is the news not covering
this 24/7? Don't even get me
started on the news. The news is like, like, the news
is like, "Hey guys, hey, maybe focus on, like, important
issues like recycling instead of latching
on to some stupid, but really understandable …
layout issues on flyers? Like, what?" Yeah. What? Also, we are being listened
to all the time. Anything that we do
on social media for free, we pay for through
our experience. We are just data. Oh, I feel so much better.
Thank you so much. Yeah. Oh, my god.