How’s it going everyone? It’s ya boy, Pyrocynical. Number one most subscribed channel in United Kingdom. Ignore all these people… Now TikTok, of course you heard of it. It needs no introduction. Its Musically but worse. *oof* now statistically 80% of all TikTok videos… …are borderline terrible. “You are my Sen-pai…” “My only Sen-Pai…!” *bass drops and high pitched beeps play* *unintelligible vocals mixed in with “music”* And the remaining 20% are… “So why do good girls like bad guys?” So all in all, that means 100% of Tiktok is just trash. Now, I didn’t want to do another TikTok video… but the previous video got claimed and I made no money from it. *whimper* So i’m making this video just to break even, alright? Now as much as I dislike TikTok… It DOES have its upsides. For example: It keeps all the mentally insane people from Arkham Asylum… on one website… …And the list of good things end there. *It said “Block Button” you walnut* Now using my 𝔾𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔹𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟, I have been looking deep into the network that is Tik Tok to pluck out the best videos for your viewing and obviously most of them are gonna be copyrighted, so… …I’ll either have to change the music, or dub over it myself. Because unfortunately, at the end of the day I like you, I care about you, but I also like money. [LOADS OF EMONE!] Also, I wanted to mention I’m being hosted at the Resonate Festival in Glasgow between the 19th and 20th of October which is, Friday and a Saturday, in hall 2. I’ll be doing a Meet and Greet there where you’ll be able to come and say hi, And also buy some exclusive, fabulous new merch So, yeah. Definitely don’t miss out on that. [Great Grey Wolf Sif Theme] Now these videos are my favorite; TikTok is based around music… These videos contain no music. They are actually awareness videos that someone totally clowns on. “If you can literally sit behind a screen…” “And tell someone to-” *pyro laughs* “-self… You are insane!” That is wrong! That- how DARE you do a Fortnite dance! Tha- You are insane! “You’re a sadist?” “I’m a dominant…” [Pyro] Oh my god… Bro…
“What’s that mean?” [Pyro] Stop… No! Stop it!
“It means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me…” Mr.S- Mr… psychokronyk… Mr. Soy. Stop it! I hate this video! “…How?” Ughhh…
“I have rules…” I don’t… I don’t, I DON’T wanna know what your ru- Stop it! S- Get some hel- like… I’d rather some guy doin’ a default dance than this, man! For those wondering if there are people on TikTok that teach you how to do Fortnite dances… …Of COURSE there are. “Hey, party people. This is out there for all the people over 40 who wanna ner- learn how to do that “Floss”-” [Pyro] If you’re over 40 and wanna be a gamer, This is for you. [Pyro] Oh my god… No, god… I’m not intimidated! I’m- it just ends there, thats it. I wasn’t intimidated, I’m just embarresed and humiliated! It’s great that TikTok promotes equality becuz’… You can make really cringy analogies how you’re going to dominate a woman, OR, you could teach middle aged men-[wheeze] How to do a Fortnite dance! [E1M1 from DOOM] [E1M1 from DOOM]
“Don’t be intimidated-” “I feel like I’ve spent my life pretending you’re a great guy and- [Pyro] Right, okay. firstly, the Monster energy drink. BOOMER. Middle-aged man. ” I feel like I’ve spent my life pretending you’re a great guy and trying to be like you…” [Pyro] Right, okay. I-I want to do a little game, here, just some interactivity to boost the views, What do you think his voice is gonna be? 1-Charming and Romantic. 2- [giggling to himself] …Rick Sanchez! (reverb) Which one is it gonna beeee?! “-and the ugly truth is always that-” [Rick] “That I’m not that great of a guy and you’re a-” [Pyro] OH MY GOD IT’S RICK SANCHE- IT’S RICK SANCHEZ! If you guys picked Rick Sanchez, you have earned the reward of being able to subscribe to the Pyrocynical™ Channel. Some people say say it’s a punishment, those people… …I will find them and game end them. [Crisis averted – Reward $2] See, TikTok is tryna promote this thing where anyone can express themself… Th-You should give that power to people on the internet, That is a BAD THING. [Video] “So why do good girls like bad guys?”
[Pyro] “Ah, Great! Another “Good Girls like Bad Guys”! Thank God!” [Video] “I had this question for a real long time!” “I’ll be your bad boy, and it’s plain to see…” [Pyro] “What’s it gonna be?” [Video] “So why do good girls fall in love with me?!” [Video] “So why do good girls fall in love with me?!”
[Pyro Laughing] Just Salutes at the end, I was half expecting him to have like a giant fursuit or something, uhh– Someone in the army; I respect that much more. “State the reason you are committing suicide.” [Video] “Nothing to live for…” “I got nothin’ and no-one!” [Pyro] For god’s sake, can we stop this meme of- [Video] “Hi-” [Pyro is 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹] “Don’t–” [Pyro laughs] Okay, that’s a good one. I like that one. Not because of how obviously emotionally invested I am in the topic, More because it’s two of the human thumbs from the Spy Kids movie, Finally getting together. That’s so precious. I honestly feel like growing up, you had to watch Spy Kids or Sharkboy and Lavagirl, If you watched neither… [Pyro Contemplates if he wants to be Monetized or not] You’re probably an iPhone user. “Cake.” [BASS] [“Rake it Up” by Yo Gotti”] [The bass enters the stratosphere] Oh my god, same. Same! But instead, I do it with a Gucci Wallet. [Big sad.mp3] it’s not real-it’s not real Gucci, don’t comment asking how much i paid for it, it’s off-brand…I paid 2 pound for it. “Take a picture of me, and use the flash.” [Pyro] Ok, th- [Pyro] Dont be a dickpic man, you’re better then that. Don’t- “I don’t know. It just started showing up a couple of months ago. Ｗｈｉｔｅｗｏｏｄｓ － Ｂｅａｃｈｗａｌｋ