Narcissistic Trait – Interpersonal Exploitation (they use others to get what they need)

hi everyone it's me Darlene it is a Thursday night and it's kind of late let's see what time it is not too bad almost midnight and I'm not sleepy at all so I thought it'd be a good time to sit down and read up on another narcissistic trait have a little tiny conversation and then let you guys chime in in the comments as to how that trait relates to you and your narcissist I am still feeling so good about this channel it has helped me so much and I know that some of you have been enlightened by the comments that you're leaving that there's a light bulb moment for you thinking AHA I understand now what is going on between me and that person so it really can be life-changing when you find out that the person who has been making you feel like you're crazy all your life is a narcissist but you do tend to go through a rollercoaster of emotions mine was anger and I was angry for probably been like four years and I'm just coming out of that stage so now it's more like a mourning the loss of someone so you know everybody I think takes it differently and we're all gonna survive it so let's read up on the next trait which is interpersonally exploitative meaning takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends and I'm just gonna read what this says narcissists lack empathy feel entitled and above the rules we've already covered empathy and entitled so yeah we know that they are all that and they see other people as appendages whose sole purpose is to fill them with narcissistic supply yet sometimes the narcissist doesn't get everything he or she needs through more subtle means he or she needs to make a more direct approach they take advantage of others to it their own ends an exploitative relationship may take many forms but it generally involves using others without regard for their own feelings and interests the narcissist doesn't even think about what's best for others he places no value on open fair and honest exchanges he's too concerned with satiating his own hunger for whatever it is that he needs be it physical emotional financial whatever for narcissists with some kind of power such as religious figures chief executives politicians and the like this is like taking candy from a baby for example Mona fell under the spell of Matthew her psychiatrist the two became lovers after he shared details about his cold and distant wife and confided how lonely he was it's not a very appropriate thing to do Mona says he pursued me a client to fill his need for love and adoration I was a willing participant yet I was so fragile at the time fear obligation and guilt cook family members into giving as much as they can even when it's clearly against their best interest narcissists and people pleasers have a way of finding each other I am a people pleaser at least I was for a long long time now I try to please no one that's what I got out of the angry stage the cycle only stops when the non disordered partner accepts that things will only change when he or she becomes aware that this is a one-way relationship and that they will always be in the giving not getting rol fear obligation and guilt hook family members into giving as much as they can even when it's clearly against their best injury that fits me to a tee it really does fear I've been made to fear everything including my own brain because I've just been taught that I'm so not able or capable of anything pretty much and that's what I was brought up to think and just fear of what is out there for me what if it's worse out there you know that kind of fear obligation I mean it's it wasn't even a consideration for me it's not that I even feel obligated it was like there was no other choice it's like that's just what I was going to do so yeah I mean it's certainly obligation but it's funny that I never really looked at it like there was any other option and guilt yep I feel guilty about a lot of stuff too and you know even now if you know I'm 55 years old and I would feel guilty if I said you know what I'm going to go have my own life I don't know I don't know let's skip down to the last sentence here the cycle only stops when the non disordered partner accepts that things will only change when he or she becomes aware that this is a one-way relationship and that they will always be in the giving not getting role and I have come to realize that I've actually realized that when I learned about narcissism like four years ago just the realization didn't help me because I had to go through the anger stage first but it's helping me now because you know I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that yes this is not something that can be changed I can't fix things I'm never going to be on the receiving end of love or attention or validation or even just being heard from my mother and pretty much not from my husband either so there is something to be said for you know it's very easy for someone who has been raised by a narcissist to get into a relationship with someone who's a narcissist or maybe just not that great with their personality I mean my husband isn't one that thinks of others I mean he just doesn't I like I said I don't think he's a narcissist but you know he certainly is selfish in many ways and I just went along with that because it's what I'm used to I didn't mind I didn't mind and I felt like I was good for him because it made it easy you wanted to go there we went there you wanted to eat this we ate that you know it's it's just you know I almost think in some ways marriages can work that way because you know when one is the one who makes the decisions and the other one's just a follower and doesn't mind I mean there's not much to argue about but boy oh boy if I did have an opinion or wanted to say or do something that would start a fight because I really wasn't allowed that with him just had to be his way he was just very lucky that I pretty much didn't care 99% of the time I was good with his way but that 1% of the time that that I would have liked my way that was I wasn't considered there wasn't any consideration of me really getting that you know like my husband's the type that can say oh it's your birthday where would you like to go eat I know he is only going to agree with where I want to go if I pick someplace he wants to go because he hated Chinese food and if I would say oh I'd love to go for Chinese food we're not doing that even though he makes it sound like it's my birthday it's almost like he wants to make it sound good like he's doing something for me with the hopes that I will give an appropriate answer that satisfies him so he can look like the good guy and what if I really would have wanted to go to Chinese you know it's just hi that's where I would I wouldn't insist on something like that because he didn't want to go there why would I want to go there I don't know I guess that I am kind of a loser and it's why I've never been good at relationships at all I don't know and it really sucks when you know you have a boyfriend and you know and you're pretty much willing to just always go along with what they want and they still don't like you after a while it's like oh my god what's wrong with me and then my mother would fill in with all the reasons that they don't like me oh they don't like the way you look they don't like the way you walk they don't like the way you talk they don't like that you blow your nose although my mother could just list a million reasons why somebody didn't like me so you know and we wonder why I rather stay home than do anything so basically they will take advantage of anybody to get what they want some of you have asked how is my mother going to feel with Skyler here because she won't be getting the attention that she normally gets well first of all I have since I've been so enlightened with this channel been you know kind of distancing myself in a way where I'm not feeding into her narcissistic supply and I can already tell that she's getting antsy and last summer when Skyler was here you know there's times that Scala didn't even really feel comfortable being over on my mother's side because you know my mother's the type that can say Oh Skyler yes you can watch whatever you want you come and see grandma May every morning and we'll watch cartoons together now all of a sudden Skyler could go over there one time and my mother could be all pissy and say no you're not watching that that's all you do is watch cartoons and it's very shocking to someone so Skyler mostly stays with me I mean of course I'm not gonna keep her away from her great-grandmother but it's almost like I need to have supervised visits with them but anyway so last year Scylla's stayed with me a lot and we didn't do as much on my mother's side of the house and my mother got sick and did at one point caused a scene and screamed bloody murder that she was dying I'm dying and as she's standing in her doorway screaming that and it ended up I had to call an ambulance and you know just had to have the day in the hospital and my mother needed that attention and I was in the middle of buying a car I had to go pick up the car the next day she you know she just knew it was like a very busy time for me I was all involved in that so that was a real good time for her to all of a sudden need attention because she was even going to disrupt not just my time with Skylar but she was going to make it hard for me to even get my car so things like that and once she got back from the hospital that evening just like nothing ever happened you know no no I've done quite a few trips with her to the ER and you know they're doing all these tests and think that she's dying of a heart attack all kinds of stuff and you know I'm sitting there with my iPad you know it's like oh joy people think this woman is not concerned at all that her mother's sick and truth is nope I've done this plenty of times in my life you know one of these days she won't be crying wolf but you know it's to the point where I'm so tired of being afraid every time every time I feel like oh this is the time and I have to take it seriously and now I just tell myself you know if it's the time well it's the time she's the one who's teaching me to act like this if you cry wolf for 50 years and that time you need the person to really listen to you and if they don't listen to you that's not my fault it's her fault you know I'm not going to continue being dragged through that it's a very emotional roller coaster with my mother and I just want to kind of be like low-key and just let's just let this time go and whatever happens happens you know I just have to not take it like that anymore I just don't want to suffer and worry and all that stuff so I just hope that you know I can have a nice relaxed time with Skylar here and my mother's just going to have to get used to it because I'm having her five and a half weeks okay that is it I will talk to you guys later and please leave comments and we'll be back with more soon bye

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *