Watch this, guys. SUPER DINO SLAAAAAAAAA- Alright. Okay. He he he! He’s got that move too. Okay, okay. I’ll come down there. I’ll come down… Oh, yeah, yeah, actually… Better- Better idea. I’ll come up there… I’ll come up there and then we’ll do the rest of the fight up there. Good- Good thinking. Oh. Yeah, I mean… Good idea. Good idea. Let’s just do the rest of the fight down here.
We’ll both stay down here… …and then yeah. And then I’ll die. Yeah, good. Ooh! Just wait! Just wait. When I’m done sharpening this thing, you are gonna be in a world of hurt. Oh hoo hoo hoo Nice try, dinosaur. Ooh, but just wait. When I’m done cooking this food, there is gonna be hell to pay. I’m telling you, I- Heh heh heh… Holy shit! What… what… Hey! Give that back! I’m fighting that! Go- Put him- There we go. Alright, I’ll take from here. Thank you. I’ll take it from here. Oh my god… Oh my god. He just ate that one whole! I will simply utilize my rolling dodge technique. Ha ha ha! This foul beast has no understanding of this concept… Oh fuck, he can roll too. Oh fuck, I’m going to die. …back here, you little pussy! I ain’t done with you yet. Get over here! Little bit- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! GOD- Hey. Where you’d go? Get off that tree. Oh- Oh! Oh… Listen… I will now allow you… to go back on the tree. Okay? Ooh, the T-Rex is here. Oh my… Oh shit! Is he gonna beat the T-Rex? Oh my go- Nope, nope. Nope. Oh… Oh, no. He’s dead. All right, T-Rex. I’ll take it from here. Don’t worry about this guy. I’ll take it… Look! It’s a nice dinosaur! He got me a little present or something. What is that? The… AAH, YOU BITCH …get up, get up, get up, get up, get up… What? What will it do? Paratoad. Heh heh! This guy sucks! Even I can beat Paratoad! Heh hah hah! Take that! You know how in uh… normal video games, a two-minute boss fight can feel like it’s 20 minutes long? Well, in this game, there’re actually 20 minute long boss fights. It’s uh- Unless you fight a dragon. And there’s a time limit. Look at this guy. When I first started the fight, it was daytime. Hmm. Now it’s nighttime. It’s still going. Jesus Christ! Here I am against the final boss! It’s a rock. You fight a rock for the final boss. What is that? Wha… Oh my god… Oh my fucking god… Yeah… I th- I think I’m gonna give up after that one, guys. Uh… You know it’s- it’s fun game, but it’s just… Too hard for me. Honestly, just too hard. Uh… you need a lot of patience to actually play this and… Ugh, I think I’m done. I think I’m… Come on, ya big bitch! I’m gonna win this. Wait, wha… What are you… What is that?! Wha… Ooh, okay. Oh, well… See, I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that he has a move that one shot kills you but also, the hitbox is bigger than the entire level. That’s valuable information to have. What’s that guy doing? Oh, he’s going up there. Oh, then you can jump off and do the uh… air attack. That’s a good idea… Put me down! Put me down right now! Yeah! That’s what I thought! Heh heh heh- Ah! Ah…. Hey, least I’m still alive, right? Shoot- Ooh! Shoot his poison! Shoot! Arg! Tah- *gasp* I did it?! I beat- I beat one! I beat a monster! Oh but wha- What is he doing now? No. No, I have to loot the corpse still. I have to get the bones! Let me get this stuff! Goddammit! Come on! Yeah, you run away now. Stupid ass… Oh god, running out of time. ‘kay, gotta… Oh my god! Come on! I’m back! Gimme the health back! Gimme the health! Gimme the- Gim- Meh- PFFT OOOOOOOOOOOOH I’m making omelette for breakfast. Stupid dog- Oh, I dropped the egg! Oh god! Now there’s two of them. Now, there’s two of that guy fighting me at the same time. This is- What the fuck- Oh good, T-Rex is here now too! This is how to make a video game. Okay! Just fight all- I’m just gonna make some bacon instead. Don’t try it, Barroth! I hold the high ground! Ooh! What the fuck did you do- What the fuck?! WAAAAAAAAHHHHH Oh. That worked out all right. Wait, let- I have to use a- I have to utilize my ghillie suit. By utili- By utilizing the ghillie suit, you can hide from monsters in plain sight, thus giving you time to sharpen your blad- Wake up. Wake up! Get out of the stun!
Get out of the stun!
Get out of the stun! Get- This game fucking sucks dick. Fuck this- *GASP* WHOA WOO This… This is the greatest video game ever created. Ha ha! That’s a good move, dinosaur, if I was the fucking ground, you stupid piece of shit! Heh heh! Yeah, this is probably the worst video game that I’ve ever played. *GASP* AWWW This is the best video game… that I have played yet. Whoawhoawhoa, SHIT! Come on, get up! Oh god, it’s coming from the ram. Ooh! Not so fast, you piece of shit! What is this? What is it? HUH! HUH! I ca- I can’t walk! I can’t walk after that attack! Get up! Get up! Shit! Oh, okay, okay, okay. It’s gonna work this time! LUNGING ATTACK!! GOD DAMMIT Nah nah nah… I’m like a fucking toy! God! Watch this. Watch this. Heh heh heh heh! This game is broken, fucker! MEGA AIR MOVE!! GOD- Oh my god, it actually connected? Wow, that’s the first- No… This fight is going on for so long that the monster fell asleep during the fight. Let’s wake ’em up. GOOD MORNING, YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD!! FUCK YOU!! DIE!! Oh, that pissed him off. He’s doing the one shot. HE’S DOING THE ONE- Ooh hoo hoo! Hoo hoo! Get up! Get up! YOU FUCK, HE’S DOING IT AGAIN!! Uwah! HOO HAH!!! I’m still alive. I’m still on this. I’m still- Fucking piece of shit! Come on! Go- FUCK YOU!! NRGH!! I did it! I beat the game! I beat Monster Hunter! Heh heh heh heh heh! THERE’S ANOTHER ONE?! WHAT THE F- Here we go again. [Outro]