i finally asked for help



what's up guys Nazarian here and so it's definitely been a while and I was going to come back with my little apartment tour and then my apartment right now it's empty as you can see but first I think I owe it to you guys and I went to myself to not fall back into bad habits and pretend that everything has been okay because it hasn't if you guys haven't noticed I have been kind of in and out of social media and on YouTube I'll kind of feel good for a second then I'll come back and then I kind of just like just slapped me in the face again and then I'm like that I don't want to do anything so I'm one of those people with that just really try to act like everything around me is perfect I am perfect and I have everything together and I'm a control freak and I can deal with all my she's on my own and I've got it and I'm good to go let me just first say that depression anxiety mental issues do not discriminate doesn't matter what you look like it doesn't matter your financial status your social status how many followers you have what school you go to anything it can creep up on you and it is real you know I think about when everything started to kind of unravel for me was when everything changed for me at all on YouTube and just when I came out and my whole life changed overnight and as I am into my 20s and all this experience and all these things happening and I put myself on this pedestal of being perfect again and just trying to live up to these expectations that I set for myself and what I thought other people had for me and just trying to be like I don't know I just wanted to know how to say everything right I wanted to know how to answer everyone's questions perfectly and basically if you haven't noticed I wanted to just be perfect and with social media and everything nowadays is this constant comparison and we're all trying to live these like over-exaggerated versions of ourselves and in reality it's just really hurting us I don't think I don't want to build a nice little me at all because social media I think it's like anything else if you abuse it it can hurt you but there's so many things that are good that come from it we can have these kind of conversations and we can share our stories and be connected to one another and make ourselves laughs there's so many different things that are good from it so I don't even want to ever villainize it but it can definitely have a toll on your mental policy if you let it so as I started to enter into my 20s I started to kind of feel like I was living this double life I want me to live this be this perfect person to all of you guys and everyone on Instagram and everything and like I have it together but in reality behind the scenes I was going out with my friends I was kind of just masking a lot of feelings that I was having about like where I was going in my career and in my life and what was going on with like alcohol and I was jumping into weed it was it's legal in California no and I was abusing those things using them as a band-aid over the way I was feeling I don't know I just really started in those moments to self-sabotage and ty went on two years went on and I find myself long story short in this after-party I literally think about an after-party in Hollywood that's what it looked like it was drugs where everywhere it was craziness and I'm looking around and I was like Aaron this is not your life this is not what you came before this is not your calling this is not what you should be doing and I got really sad in that moment and I felt really lost in this dream that I had for myself there was just something inside of me that was telling me that like this isn't for you like and there was at that moment there was so much going on in my life that felt right and it was kind of everything that I was wanting and there was a lot happening for Austin and I and I was just like I can't do it and so I thought that moving back to Ohio and just starting over would just solve everything and I don't know I just thought it would all kind of fall into place and I just didn't really understand what I was feeling and so I came back to Ohio and reality started to set in for me and I moved into a new apartment I showed you guys and then in that moment I kinda started to feel like I was failing I started to see my friends on social media at all these events again I saw them doing things that I wish I was doing and it really took a toll on me I was in my bed for days I was sad I didn't really I was eating way too much I was just kind of masking which sounds silly but I was just kind of masking all my different feelings with things that made me feel good so alcohol again I wasn't using that on my own by myself which was definitely started to get really dark it was just like not good for me and I remember there was this moment that a friend of mine reached out he was like hey how are you doing and just randomly and I was like I'm good it was just kind of like caught me off guard and he responded again with no like how are you doing and that one got me because I then had to face the fact that like maybe people around me were realizing that there was something going on and you guys did as well you guys were hitting me up quite a bit and being like are you okay what's going on and I'm here for you which made me feel really good I just wasn't really wanting to talk about it nor did I really understand how to talk about it how to articulate what was going on and so I started to move forward I was like you know what I'm gonna get myself together this is probably like four months ago I'm gonna go work out all the time I'm gonna I started doing outwardly confident again I was like again I'm a control freak so I was like I got this and I started to just you really start to make some movement in my life that would make me feel better and then all of a sudden I slipped right down the little slope again and I started feeling sad and I remember I woke up one day and there's a couple weeks have gone by and I was like Aaron you cannot go back to this go back to that person and in that moment I just felt so ashamed I felt so broken I felt like I was trapped inside of this world that I had created for myself I felt I just felt low I thought was really low and I decided that I just needed help and that was the hardest hardest hardest thing for me to admit to myself because it meant that I had a problem that I can solve and I realized that sometimes we are or our problems are bigger than and so I decided to finally look into depression and as I started to go through the symptoms I realized that oh my goodness this could be me and so I went online and I was like how do you deal with depression and it said maybe you should see a therapist you're going medication or see a doctor or whatever and I hadn't been diagnosed with it or anything so I decided to get a therapist and I went online I started researching LGBT therapists in Ohio and I found somebody that picture look great she was in my insurance by the way your insurance doesn't cover therapy sessions I think mine's only like $20 a session which is great but but I gave her a call and I scheduled my first appointment and I've now been in therapy for the last month and it's been honestly the best thing that I could have ever done for myself she's giving me tools to kind of deal with the thoughts that I'm having and in those sessions she I was finally told that I was clinically depressed which saying that word aloud makes me emotional because I was running from that for so long for literally years because I never wanted to have a problem but asking for help and getting that help the best thing that I've ever done and the reason I'm making this video is because I want you guys to know that behind the scenes everything was it perfect for me and I still have a long way to go with my mental health and like where I'm at but it's getting better and I can genuinely say that and I'm just so excited to get back to where I used to be and I want you guys to know that you're not alone and that if you're feeling sad or confused there's changes happening in your life that there's people out there that can help you and again sometimes your problems are bigger than you and you need help and it's okay to ask for it so that is it for this video and I will see you guys in for more peppy content soon happier content but I just really wanted to share my story with you and yeah so see you soon

46 thoughts on “i finally asked for help

  1. Hey Aaron it is so awesome to see you back again, we all have down falls in life and I am so happy you found the strength to pull yourself back up and get some help, it is never easy to reach out for help like you did, more of us should do that and be brave like you did, life gets very complicated sometimes and I know you have heard this from many of us but I truly mean this, if you ever need to talk to someone or need to just get away to collect your thought please get back at me, I will be there for you, let me know if you want my contact info, I have been in the medical field for many years and deal with issues all the time, take care, be safe, and be well, we all love you

  2. Sometimes distancing yourself from the LGBT community is what you need, it’s not the best environment sometimes.

  3. I have been experiencing this mix of depression and anxiety and the low feels perpetual in the moment. Gradually through time, the realization that I am not the sole person with these symptoms of an illness has been more comforting. This video then again solidified that we are not alone through this tribulation.

  4. Aaron it takes a strong man to ask for help. Thank you for sharing your story. So many of us in this world suffer from depression at one time or another. Glad you are getting help. Sending you much love, best wishes and positive energy.

  5. set a goal for your life.. try to focus on it….. then you will foget all about negative thoughts… ALWAYS keep busy..

  6. Thanks for sharing your story…you will help a lot of people.. hold your head high. Over the years you have made me smile when I am down and out. Thanks for that.

  7. Hey, kid hang in there, I have been dealing with depression for almost 45 years, yes I'm an old fart. Your story sounds much like mine and much like most LGBTQ people. So glad you reached out now, I let alcohol and drugs rule me. Man did that get really out of hand. All I can say is hang in there you seem like a really sweet kid things will get better.

  8. I'm in the same boat as you i have been struggling with depression and anxiety as well how ever I did something that changed my life it's through meditation been doing that for 2months and it works and after my first day of trying it my head cleared and I'm way more focused and feeling better look in to it you will love it

  9. I, I, I, I, I … me, me, me, me, me. I'm sorry. this guy is completely and utterly self-obsessed, He can't get out of his own head. He's so selfish and self-involved. Has he ever thought about anyone but himself? Has he ever gotten out of himself? He doesn't have mental illness; he sounds like an alcoholic if he's hiding in his room and drinking by himself. Hello ! He needs to get out of his own fucking head and help someone else. Jesus. His therapist will really help. ::eye roll::

  10. Don't worry so much , everything will be fine all the things you're facing are just a phase of the journey of life

  11. Awww…Aaron, this was so touching. I hope you are okay. You looked so sad.
    As someone that has also dealt with depression and anxiety, I can relate. Unfortunately therapy did not help me but medication did. It probably….no…it did save my life. I know this is cliche' but things will get better. I am in such a better place than I was prior to getting help. You will too! Chin up!

  12. Keep up the fight love, mental health comes first and I know from experience that this ain't an easy fight. But just remember you're not alone and 50% of the thoughts you have are lies designed to keep you in doubt. WE LOVE YOU!

  13. I wonder how a "normal" person that isn't rich, don't have a boyfriend, isn't a youtuber, isn't pretty… deals with a depression…

  14. Depression is not your fault. Check out Dr. Erick Berg on YouTube. He helped me with my need to quit alcohol!

  15. OK wonderful you got the help you needed and also for sharing with us. I have been diagnosed with depression when I was 24 and now I am 51. I went in for 3 weeks in hospital treatment, with that I learned to deal with my depression, know when to ask for help. I have done therapy several times throughout the years and I can tell you life is wonderful. You will find that you will be able to deal with situations much better than your friends and family. Life is wonderful for me. My husband and I have been together for 19 years now and I am blessed. Remember to get your eduction done, take care of your physical and mental health they are a lock and key. Be proud of yourself you did the right thing and also don't forget where you have been with the depression. Love life, live life.

  16. Aaron, GREETINGS from beautiful Troy, Ohio USA. Dude … let me tell YOU a story. We had a young guy in the neighborhood that was struggling with depression and anxiety. He was mixing that with alcohol … not sure about the drugs, but a definite probability. Last week, on July 20th, he sat on his bicycle in the middle of a railroad crossing in front of my house. It is never a good outcome when you are hit by a train. You uploaded this video on July 27th. My birthday was on July 27th. They took that young man off of life support on July 27th and he was pronounced dead. The young man on the bicycle needed the help, but didn't seem to know where to look. All of those things together are just odd.
    I am SO freaking proud of you for deciding to finally get some help. You are a wonderful young man, and you are going to be ok.

  17. Ugh this relates to me so much, I've not been diagnosed with it but I'm fairly sure I've been pretty much solidly depressed since September last year which is just the darkest part of my life yet. I keep thinking just around the corner it'll all be over but I keep slipping back down the slope just as I think it's getting better. I'm super sociable and this past year I've distanced myself from all my friends and deleted all my social media but still I'm struggling, I'm eating again now and at the moment I'm just thankful I've got this far. I just wanna say thanks for putting this on cos even this for me seems so exposing so I know it takes balls but yeah maybe I should get help I dunno. But yeah thanks cos even just seeing someone I look up to admit this makes me relived I'm not as lonely, and seeing someone so 'perfect' admit this is so reassuring.

  18. Aaron i miss you so so much i want you come on this youtube cause your my friend and i love you be brave for me love David

  19. I think you were very brave bro, to open up with this on Social Media. Just Know that we your fans are here for you and supporting you no matter what

  20. Aaron, you owe us nothing….. just be you….allow us into your life when its right for you…..UT is not always the best place… unless it helps you… do it for you, not us.
    Social Media is the cause of so many mental health issues….. stress/fear/threats/self esteem…
    the human race coped without it…… use it only when it helps you
    love you

  21. Aaron, I wish you the best! The road ahead will not be easy, and you will have setbacks, but you will overcome this. This is coming from someone who has dealt with clinical depression and anxiety all his life.

  22. So its legal in 2019,
    even gay rights … BUT ……

    it all lead to destruction ..

    now you know why God said NO!

    you had to fkcin go there anyways, you even made laws to make it easier . I warned you but your replied :

    BIGOT HOMOPHOBE,

    and who did you turn to for help?

    MARK THESE WORDS AND WATCH AS THIS KIDS LIFE IS DESTROYED RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE OVER THE NEXT DECADE, PRINT THIS NOW WITH TODAY'S DATE 7/29/19 TODAY AARON RHODES BEGAN DYING AND WILL BE DESTROYED IF NOT DEAD BY 7/29/2029

    (this is left blank so God can speak )

  23. Aaron, did you reach out to Austin to keep him in the loop. A small part of this might be related to his successful relationship which leaves you “solo”. But seeking a therapist was the best thing you could’ve done!

  24. you are so strong and telling us what’s been going on is also very strong.i hope you know how many people who have and will help with this video. it is so important for people who see that,as you said,depression doesn’t pick favourites and your story is a clear representation of that. i glad that you were able to find the strength in your self to ask for help. you are brave and we are proud of you.

  25. I remember one guy with eyes as hypnotic as yours… His eyes were more blue (deeeeep blue)… It was in the gym almost 20 years ago… We've started conversation about abs (the best workout routine). He showed his moves… I've followed and it went great (for my abs). BUT… That eyes of him… Damn!

  26. We all need help, you are not alone. I have been dealing with depression for many years, you will rise above, I have. There is nothing at all to be ashamed of, I'm proud to have had the courage to sought therapy as well. 1st step of getting help os recognizing it, congratulations!!!

  27. Thank you Aaron.
    Thank you for your courage, tenacity, grit, generosity, honesty, integrity and candor.
    Huge respect.
    Love, blessings & gratitude to good man.
    Good on ya!
    Jeffy

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