How to sustain your marriage and relationships-Part1 uncut

my marriage for nine yards yes I will not be holding back today so ask away speaking of am worry telling everyone worried for oh I didn't really get the chance to date my husband before we got married to be honest he wasn't related to my ex-boyfriend it was just somebody that had the same surname I'm the same name as my ex-boyfriends so you just wanted to reconnect with your ex actually I was with my ex at the time and I told me had siblings on Facebook his brother and his sister was a facebook and asked me to connect which is what I tried to do so I went looking for somebody called good a cheeky Oh careful and remember his sister's name I looked for his sister on Facebook but I couldn't find anyone you know with the same name as her but I found a lot of a GK's I know so goodness so I looked at all the guys that had the same name same surname and I thought he sort of looks a little bit closer to Mari you know my ex-boyfriend then let me connect to him so I sent him an email first weird deactivated my Facebook I'm your brother's girlfriend I just wanted to say hello cat that was a message I actually sent so I went back again on Facebook activated my account again and sent another message so I set each message twice and I deactivated again cos me – oh my god this guy must think I'm crazy so I went back again like the third time and I sent him a friend request which he accepted like okay that's good and at this stage I was already having issues with my ex-boyfriend so I once I connected to my husband I said that going for his pictures Facebook like looking at all the history this guy is actually kind of key you know there's a chance it could be related expressing so I saw what that his telephone number was usable on Facebook oh my god she didn't hide it was everybody so I got the number I got the number and I said you know you should really keep your number because you okay with his phone my ex-boyfriend Sonny and then we just started talking from then on you know things weren't working out with the other one right and as we carried on so what can you say he liked me told me what he was doing at the time I was working in construction he was running tomorrow if I give him a chance he's not rich but he'll make me happy and the rest is history yeah you I gave him a chance yeah three months of talking to him I never I never told my mom my mom never knew what was going back to the mom only knew about my ex-boyfriend thought I was going home to get married my ex-boyfriend cuz we had a registry wedding first I bought my dress and when I went home the only people that knew about this register wedding was my brother here in England and I swore to secrecy so I didn't want any time universe to know so when I got back to Nigeria I had my wants to marry me oh yeah that's when I first met me at a butcher pick me up at the airport was the first time I saw that was the first time I saw because I was attracted to him already and you know he's actually very cute but you were concerned about at the time I think cuz I was having some personal stuff with my family like you know I'm too stubborn you know you're not gonna find someone to marry you because you're too stubborn so I thought okay I wanted to prove them wrong we had someone that wants to mind me he said I wouldn't find someone I mean you know but here's someone in your face that kind of thing you understand so it was like for me a way out to prove a point that I could be married marriage material and then honestly for him also that time it was also a way out from hard life in Nigeria so we both knew into a sword like a contractor like an arrangement I mean I liked him he liked me but I wouldn't say that we were on that stage I think the love came after us at that time it was just a mutual understanding mutual attraction he knows we said it to each other they was a mother first night was attraction yes it was definite she saw say okay I need this you need it turns out brain it turns out that is so weird that we didn't even realize how well-suited be well for each other I was not looking for that in him I was at that time – gates my husband took me one year to and I told my husband I told him because he knew about that relationship not working he knew that things were not going the way I wanted to go so so I was honest because I started to see my husband as my best friend not just as my husband talking about stuff now I told you I was struggling as I'm taking me a long time to move on but eventually when I did it was really good like he was patient because then he also was headed to fall for me whereas I was to try to get over the other one so it took a lot of patience from him and it takes maturity find the s-class have kids yeah we got one together I had obviously had work from before he's got one from before then in total we've got three friends three boys how would you describe your marriage we have a good days of course we have a bad day of course you also have a best days so good days you know the one understands each other's faults he's tired give me space to rest I'm tired and who said he gets it so he's patient those are the good days and we hope the best days were just a family time it's fun with the kids we laughing Joel kissed my best friend I'm his best friend we just get each other and obviously you know the bad times when things aren't going away he wanted to go so argument people wanting to leave mainly me if something's not going the way I wanted to go I would I just want to back out because that's my self-defense mechanism pain in my head so but he's he's the I would say he's the one that holds the family together it's not for me I wouldn't like it's not me because if it was new if I had a choice the minute he's done he's done something that I don't like I would have run away they will need does he good patience because I'm not a patient person he's the patient person in my relationship I am not patient at all so his patience his love he's understand in fact that he's slow to speak I speak quick when I'm upset with somebody I would tell you this is how I feel I don't know how to hide it but he doesn't come out and voice his opinion that easy he takes his time he only does it when it's here that's why I said we've got bad time so when it's day I know that you like need to beg now so yeah if you have the opportunity would you marry him again oh yes I would tell you I would because out of all the relationships I have didn't over the years I've never had anyone make me feel as comfortable in my own skin even with the imperfections that I have but he has he made me so relaxed I didn't when we first lived together so it's been a wife when we got married I didn't have to pretend to be somebody else we found pretend from going to the toilet of Sadie's it sounds creep I'm gonna say I'm just giving an example so I was going to use the toilet able to pee I would be holding the piece that doesn't come out because I didn't want my partner to hear that they come in it's pee it's not rocket science why should I be pretending that I don't think I'm not a princess the princesses you know I can't even you know I think it's a woman thing a lot of women because I friends who say to do any put Burpee for another boyfriends it's a thing that we want to look good we want to present ourselves something like the under pressure today yeah in a way they put themselves under that pressure good think oh I need to be preman prepared or what the guy just see me as a dirty Christine I don't pull him away don't fart I don't burp you know because you want to impress this person and he's the first man that made me feel like is to just be myself I didn't care I would burp I would fire I would do what everyone told me that he would be using toilet open it on inviting me like Mikey can you join me so yes he he brought me out of my shell okay that's comfortable so sorry oh it is why because when you're married to the right person it becomes fun I don't know what you're wearing you cannot be yourself in front of the man you claim and this is what I'm saying with in my case as I said before it wasn't love at first time it was two people coming to a mutual agreement like you would have insane cultures they've got arranged marriages as you know so look at this memory just some sort of arranged marriage to begin with right because we were not in love with never met we just connected over the phone and even with that and this having feelings for somebody else so when we got together that obviously that attraction has to be the physical attraction but then I realized we had a lot in common and has merit changed yes less time less quality time especially when your kids are a lot younger than you it takes away that time where you should do things basic as one my mom looks after my kids for me sometimes and I get to do stuff with my husband we get to be ourselves more relaxed go out for walks you know to go out to get taken away you like we try to we try and treat ourselves to little things like Kobe you see when there's no pizza I'm telling you when the kids are gone we just like go that you get a nice beer I get myself my super moto moto guineas we order ECM just sit in the house put on Nollywood and start eating no interruptions and you see us when we're done with cuddle on the chair so it's always about having saying you go out to restaurant you can have a romantic night in that's what makes it fun when the kids are not gonna get to be yourself you get to each other you need to be patient you have to compromise it depends so basically if one person is headed somewhere you need to speak about each other's dreams if it means sacrifice at this time point in time for that person to do what it is to do you come to a mutual agreement that okay this is I'm gonna give you time to do this afterwards I'm doing mine no matter what that's number two a third one is train enjoy life together even when you've got kids it's not always just about the kids you can include your kids in your fun sit down put on a movie you don't always have to go out people always think oh if I don't go on holiday or no makeup fun things to do with your family at home that's number three number four be honest I know the saying sometimes honesty hurts but if your spouse is upset you just voice your opinion don't keep it to yourself if your spouse is letting themselves go tell them make sure you discuss your finances together you know money brings love money brings problems and the only principle is when both of you don't understand what your responsibilities are so your bills you need to table them out and both of you need to discuss how you're gonna pay them and what comes out of your account and what comes out of his account each month brilliant and thank you so much for having me

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