How to identify & heal from emotional enmeshment



all right guy so you asked for it this video is on emotional measurement first we're going to go over what it is and then some questions to ask to see if maybe you are struggling with emotional or measurement yourself and then as always some quick how-to heel tips so emotional measurement when a family relationship or a relationship itself has too much love I wrote that for a reason because I think a lot of times you get confused because we think caring about another person is a loving considerate thing to do and while that is the case absolutely I consider myself a considered human being and I care about others there's a limit and there is a area where the boundaries between my emotions and someone else gets a bit too bored and it really does have some negative consequences so emotional measurement essentially what this is is when the emotions of one person in a relationship or in a family unit affect the whole emotional climate of everyone else so you know if mom is having a bad day before you know what the whole family is bearing the emotion of mom's bad day this could happen into personal relationships as well where the partner comes home and is having a stressful time at work before you know it the other partner is starting to whether those same emotions another sign of emotional measurement is sometimes when there's no privacy when everything is aired every small emotional event of one person again into personal relationship or in a family dynamic is talked about very openly and sometimes really does connect that first piece to where now we're all feeling about that one event because all emotions are really aired for everyone publicly another sign essentially of emotional measurement is the tendency then and these are all really interconnected to begin to look out of our outside of ourselves for validation for decisions so again this looks like in a two personal relationship always checking in with our partner or again in a family always balancing decisions as small as where should I go or what you eat for dinner to as big as what are my career directions in life and the same thing checking in with everyone to get that validation so that I can feel secure that I'm making the right decision so if you guys are listening and you're questioning you know am i struggling with this or maybe some of that sound that's similar these are six really quick great questions to begin to ask yourself so the first one do you feel responsible for the emotions or needs of someone else so am i finding that I'm compensating or really trying so hard to make everyone or someone else around me feel better do you feel that you can rescue or fix those around you and then vice versa do you feel that you're waiting for those around you to rescue or fix you and again I want to just keep pointing out there's a limit between I'm considerate and you know when someone that I love is struggling I'll be there for a supportive ear but those who hear me talk a lot I know that there's a limit of how much I can control and falling into this role of rescuer helper caretaker things that I hear come up so often in the clients that I work with that is a bit on the extreme the reality of it is and you know this is really hard for many of us we cannot rescue or fix anyone else and we cannot wait for anyone else to rescue or fix us questions right do you find yourself offended or fearful when someone needs emotional space and I have lived this experience as long as I can remember anytime any of my partner's needed we had an argument they need to take some space we all process our emotions differently I automatically took that to mean the relationship must be over this is a very bad thing to happen again so that's a really really good marker space for other people to process their emotions is completely normal so if you find yourself starting to have a panic reaction when other people are taking space that might be a marker of those those two blurred emotional boundaries number four do you know hurt your own emotional needs do you know how to go about meeting them sounds so simple again I did not know how I did not know what my emotions are I did not know how this might sound crazy coming from a psychologist I did not know how to give them words let alone I did not even know how to start to begin to meet my own emotional needs so if you guys feel the same this might be a sign that you too have struggled with emotion huh do you struggle with boundaries on the biggest hot topics around or boundaries similarly if you find yourself having a hard time putting limits up it's all a boundary is limits in relationships if you're struggling to define it was again not connects to number four if you're struggling to put them up to enact them as I say or to maintain them the feel bags on the other side of boundaries chances are you struggled yourself with some version of emotional mesh matter number six do you feel addicted to relationships what I mean by that is do you feel yourself on the ride again the emotional ride of someone else same thing if my partner is having a good day good week a good year I'm having a good day a good week a good year if they're not I'm not as well so are you want someone else's emotional rollercoaster if you are if you find yourself commonly on someone else's emotional rollercoaster chances are your emotional boundaries are a bit blurred so now what I know a lot of you are probably thinking ooh I can relate to some of these so three quick tips first one simple alone time this just means separate time and space I'm gonna go out I'm gonna plan a lunch of coffee a walk around the block anytime that I can carve out just some time to be by myself for the introverts out there that could mean journaling just some time where I'm just mean that can be a really really great start evolving that bit where are my interest where are my hobbies now I'm starting to get a little more deeply connected with myself talk about this often because I used to talk with my partner about this I didn't have hobbies that I knew if I didn't have interests when I first met her and I did not I thought maybe it was just something I just was someone who didn't know or I wasn't the person who got gifted with hobbies or interests I assure you we all have hobbies and interests so for some of us it's just reconnecting what were those things you'd like to do in childhood pick those up for me it was art I started to paint again I started to just define something that I liked on my own my partner doesn't like to paint and that's okay I was able to have something that was a little bit deeper that was just for me and then the infamous bouncer he said so really if you're struggling with emotional investment chances are that in your relationships you're probably having a hard time defining boundaries enacting boundaries and maintaining boundaries those are the three steps of boundaries I have another youtube video that I will link below that you can check out but that they're hard I'm going to just tell you right now boundaries are hard but for those of us who have emotional measurement they're so integral they give us a bit of space to start to carve out our own emotional world separate from those around us so I hope this video was helpful I definitely am the poster child of emotional measurement so I share this in such a relatable way this part of my journey was so integral I hope you guys found this helpful and thanks for listening

19 thoughts on “How to identify & heal from emotional enmeshment

  1. Love your work! Thank you! Also… you probably shouldn't use bluetooth headphones… brain cancer and all…
    Keep up the good work!

  2. It’s incredible how some of the signs may appear and be considered totally and completely “normal”. Bouncing decisions off of others to find out how they feel about them so you can feel validated. So much truth in here. Thank you 🙏🏻

  3. Thank you! We can’t fix what we don’t even know exists in the first place…and I am grateful for you bringing light to these things, so we can finally see what is broken what needs healed. 💔♥️

  4. I've been following you for a few weeks now, and your content has helped me a lot. Thank you for sharing all this! Thank you so much for existing.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this information! This definitely resonates and I really appreciate you taking the time to educate us about it! 🙏🏼💖

  6. My family dynamic is very much whatever happens to any of us gets aired out and talked about among all of us. I realize that isn't a healthy dynamic. I have a lot of adult siblings and we do often consult each other, check in, and talk through our decisions. My question is, isn't consulting others and talking through decisions to get advice to a certain degree normal? What's the difference between talking in that way with a friend vs a family member? And when does doing this become unhealthy…when it becomes a necessity to check in in order to make your own decisions? Because I feel seeking advice alone isn't necessarily unhealthy. I know I personally need to bounce many of my thoughts and feelings off other people to make sense of them, so I'm not sure what's crossing the line in all of this.

  7. Thank you for doing what you do! Would you ever share a day-in-the-life vlog ? I'd just love to see something like that, but of course I understand if you prefer to keep that private.

  8. Very helpful for me! I feel like this is something related to Trauma- Bonding, bc I found myself in this, too. Deep down the huge fear of getting abandoned…

  9. Great topic and so relevant to me right now, as I am going to be supporting a young teen who is a carer of her mum who has a chronic illness and they are enmeshed.

  10. the wisdom. this journey to not managing others' emotion has been incredibly empowering and incredibly vulnerable and guilt-provoking all in one. welcome to humanity…!

  11. Thank you for another amazing (and timely) video!! “I versus We” mentality is such a powerful paradigm shift! For me, this ripples out into shifting locus of control and realizing that I am not responsible for anyone’s emotions except my own. 🙌🏼 Boundary work is so hard, especially with parents,.. still default sometimes into retreat and avoidance rather than address guilt re: family obligation and address issues with others who aren’t ready to receive message. I can only control me. So work in progress always. Consistency and practice and baby steps. Thank you for sharing (and modeling) healing and showing it is possible at any age, ego work stage, or life circumstance. Much love and gratitude to you! ❤️🙏🏼

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