How to Control your FOMO and Comparison on Social Media

Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video if you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie I am a life and relationship coach if you were a subscriber, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for a new video So this week I want to get into The fear of missing out. So FOMO. I want to talk about it I want to talk about what are the symptoms and I want to also give you some tips to kind of really Have you understand where this kind of comes from and help you to start working through it so you can overcome it so this topic was actually brought to me by Someone on YouTube they had wrote me and said, you know I really love your insight on fear of missing out on phone well, and if you could give any tips I would really appreciate it and I thought it was a great topic because in this day and age with social media and The amount of access we have to everyone’s lives It’s easy to kind of look at a facade and fear like you’re missing out on something So I want to give you some information on what exactly FOMO is So FOMO is actually a real thing even though technically it’s kind of a slang term. It’s basically just anxiety It’s basically another form of anxiety. So for perhaps some people have social anxiety This is kind of around social anxiety But it’s it kind of like I feel like it’s in the middle between like anxiety depression like all it’s in that pool of all of that kind of stuff because really what it is is I Am feeling that my life isn’t exciting or I’m feeling like I need to get this high of this You know I’m looking at these people going to this party or going to this concert or living this life or having this relationship And I don’t have that myself And so I fear that because I’m missing out on it that my life isn’t good enough or I don’t have that same Happiness or excitement in my own life. So for a person that kind of has like a jam-packed schedule They’re always trying to do a million things I mean there’s a reason for that you could actually just be trying to kind of like fill voids But for people that don’t really like to make real plans they don’t like having to have a real commitment because there want to be able to kind of come and go as they please and Jump into this party and then go to that event and all of that stuff um Really? what all of those things are doing is they’re giving you a high to really fill a little bit of a void as to what’s Going on way deep inside so you might get an insecurity when you have FOMO that other people are having something and you’re not Included in it. And so then we kind of go into more of that like I’m not enough I’m not good enough what’s wrong with me type of things? So for example if there’s a party going on and you can get invited you might have a little bit of FOMO Because perhaps you want to be at that party and have those fun feelings that those people you perceive are having right or it could actually go into a little bit of kind of like Self-loathing in terms of what’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I get invited? um So it kind of hits that insecurity core within you If FOMO is kind of activated by something that’s going on whether it’s a party or an event or something you see on social media when actually where FOMO really comes from is that Insecurity is that lack on a deep psychological level? It comes from that desire to really have connection with people now We all have an ability within ourselves to want to connect with others. We’re human That’s what we’re actually put here to do right is to connect with others to have relationships, etc But there’s a difference between that being a healthy thing. That’s normal and a part of being a human being versus it being a little bit of a I don’t want to say disability, but Really a problem where it’s not Emotionally and mentally healthy to want that much connection because then you’re avoiding the connection with yourself So I’ve known plenty of people where they say, you know, I’m a people person I’m a people person and of course, there are some people that are introverts and extroverts People that love social interaction some people that don’t really love it that much and it’s not good or bad It’s just the way people are But it becomes a problem when your sense of who you are your happiness Termen by that interaction with other people and you never can kind of be by yourself and that’s where I would tend to see this Dynamic in certain people that I’ve known personally Is their inability to also kind of sit with themselves and be by themselves? So if you are not able to do that, and you constantly need that stimulation from outside, that’s a problem now the reason why this deep connection Needs to happen, right and when it doesn’t happen, we have that fear. We have that fear of missing out or possibly it’s triggering that Insecurity what’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I get invited? Why is this not happening in my life, etc? Core that’s being hit but let’s say that’s not the core that’s being hit. It’s just this need to kind of Stay connected to other people that desire Really stems from on a deep psychological level of that person growing up in environments where their emotional or psychological needs were not being met so when they weren’t being met They grow up to be adults or teenagers or whatever where they’re craving that interaction. They’re craving their ability to kind of to connect with people now the problem with this is that a lot of times that connection that they’re really Searching for is a surface level connection, right? because if if there’s an event going on if there’s a party going on and I want to be around I want to go because I want That interaction with people and it’s something that I’m craving You having an interaction at a party where you’re being social are probably? Normal, you know social interactions on those kind of levels are going to be a little bit more surface level versus you wanting That interaction with just one person So a lot of times the FOMO that people have is just this need To be a part of something and so if I’m a part of something and it’s just almost like that Tribal instinct that we have as humans to want to connect in You know to connect with others if that need to be a part of something. So now when I want to stay connected With what other people are doing and what’s going on with other people and be connected to these groups and these events That means that on some level. I actually don’t know how to soothe myself. I don’t know how to be with myself I don’t know how to create my own life I don’t know how to create my own happiness that I’m on some level Codependent to someone else giving me all of those highs whether it’s an event whether it’s a group of people, etc now on that psychological level if I feel or I perceive whether it’s on social media or Whatever that everyone’s having a good time And I’m not that’s gonna cause feelings of perhaps moodiness depression even more anxiety low self-esteem You know low confidence Etc. So if you don’t even recognize like hey like at times I have FOMO like I get this like insecurity or anxiety about possibly not being a part of something or Thinking and then I’m gonna miss this like great Event or this great thing and that just by sitting at home Like that’s not gonna give me the same high that I would get if I was just out Doing something then, you know you’re really trying to just fill some voids because you have to be able to also be alone and Enjoy that space as well. Of course. We all want to always be You know happy happy happy and having the best time ever But we can also experience real fulfillment in our day-to-day lives when we’re just doing like mundane things so it’s not about It’s not about the event or the thing of the group of people and seeing this as being way on this pedestal and us trying to get to that level you can get that same high just from living life and You know doing these little things day in and day out. So I think it’s more of learning how to really love yourself It’s number one recognizing that you have it and that you have these types of anxieties. It’s working on self parenting It’s working on that inner dialogue It’s worth an on reframing Now reframing is just a fancy way of saying hey whenever I’m thinking something Crappy or some part of some negative thought some lack thought is being able to switch it and turn it into something positive And a lot of the times you’re not turning something Into a positive statement and faking it or making something up that positive Statement is really your logical side talking versus your emotional wounded side Creating that negative conversation that you might be having like. Oh look at them They’re probably having a great time and I didn’t get invited And what was me? you can make your own fun and Enjoy yourself wherever you are who your ever whoever you’re with whatever you’re doing versus always Perceiving that there’s something better around the corner So if FOMO is something that you really really struggle with there’s a couple things that you really should work on in order to start Overcoming this number one, like I said recognize when FOMO starts showing up so if you didn’t get invited somewhere or if you think that you know everyone’s having a good time doing this and you’re alone and you don’t have that whether it’s relationship or an experience or a ticket to You know the Bahamas or whatever it is, whatever you start to come from that lack place You have to be able to number one spot it and recognize when that tape starts playing I always say like the way to really heal anything is to recognize. Okay here I go I’m indulging in this fear of missing out. I’m indulging in this anxiety I’m indulging in this worry number two is trying to kind of pinpoint also Like what are the triggers is that you not being invited somewhere is that you perceiving that someone else has something that you really want? So kind of is it when you go on social media and use and you see people that you know live in the best life Ever and perhaps you feel like your life sucks and it’s not up to par So kind of figure out okay, where are my triggers don’t avoid the triggers I always say, you know people would say don’t go on social media as much then I think that’s actually wrong I think you need to just find what are your triggers and Face that fear because that is that trigger is there to teach you to overcome whatever insecurities, whatever negative self-talk that you’re indulged in and Overcome this so you can actually heal it So the more kind of avoid things it doesn’t help you to become Healthier and be able to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally I think a lot of the times when we get these types of anxieties, like I said It comes from that lack place that comes from that place of feeling like well My life sucks and I don’t have that and that’s not an empowering place to live so if you didn’t get invited somewhere if you Think that someone has something and you want that thing You also have to be able to take a step back and see logic and understand when of their smoke and mirrors, you know We’re on social media and we’re seeing everyone living their best life We don’t see anything of what other people are striving struggling with in terms of their own insecurities now That’s not my way of saying. Hey, let’s focus on you know, someone really struggling so we can make ourselves feel better I think it’s just a way of kind of making everyone human and that everyone has their own stop their own Insecurities the things that they’re working on etc And also trying to not live in a victim state of letting get invited to this well I’m not going to that and I am all alone on Tuesday night and this person’s doing this Don’t come from that victim state and instead create your own happiness. That’s the that’s the part that’s self empowering That’s the part that actually has real power So don’t be a victim and begin creating the like that you actually want so if there’s a party and you didn’t get invited guess what call a bunch of People that you know aren’t going as well And create a fun night with you and those people so I always say at least I did this for myself, you know Especially when I was going through a divorce and I became single again Was I could easily have looked at everyone in my life and say well everyone’s married and I’m not and well this person’s doing this Or whatever, but instead I said you know what? I’m just trying to live like the best day ever and that’s all I can really do So if you perceive everyone to be having a good time doing something else and you’re not at that event Or with those people like make your own fun like make your own life like create your own life. Don’t be so Victimized by something that it lets you, you know you let it take over your day in your mood So being mindful again of your thoughts learning how to reframe Recognizing, okay Here comes the negative self-talk that I always kind of indulge in being able to parent yourself being able to empower yourself to say Okay, I didn’t get invited to the party but I don’t care. I actually really wanted to go see this movie So maybe now is a time that I can go see that movie Let’s see if you know anyone’s around that wants to go with me And if no one’s around then I’m alone on Tuesday night, and that’s not the worst thing ever So just kind of being mindful and more in the moment of your life will really start creating happiness because it’s not the event It’s not the group of people. It’s just you being mindful of every single moment that you’re living and Living in every single moment because that is actually where your happiness is So I hope you have enjoyed this video. If you did don’t forget to give it a thumbs up Please comment down below on any topics that you would like me to do in the future I love reading all of your comments If you are interested in learning more about my 9 week program that I have now on my website I will link that down below. It’s all about emotional healing It’s all about really learning how to heal everything you’ve been through and why is this important? because we all have stuff and this is the stuff that actually Influences our entire lives. So if you are looking for more information, I will link it down below Like I said, and I will see you next time

43 thoughts on “How to Control your FOMO and Comparison on Social Media


  2. Hi Stephanie! My names Angel! I’ve been watching your videos for the past week , and you’ve changed my insight on so much! I’m so grateful to have ran across your page! You’re amazing, and keep up the good work! Your such an inspiration❤️

  3. Great topic, next time you can talk about those people who are constantly taking selfies and posting on social networks.

  4. This is a serious issue that many of us are, or were guilty off. I went into a deep depression after a heartbreaking divorce. The void in my heart was extremely painful. I felt life was just passing me up as I watched my ex-wife immorally run around town. So I then went on dating sites and went through a plethora of women. Thing is, I still felt this emptiness and void in me. I was getting the attention I felt I needed to bounce back. But I was so mistaken to think that I could find myself through validation by others. I was serial dating but still felt empty. It wasn't until I decided to focus on me that things began to change. I knew I needed healing. So I began to spend time on myself. I didn't realize how much peace and joy I would discover by just working on myself! Today, I live a healthy and joyous life. I have hobbies, I'm working on a new degree, learning a third language and preparing to travel the world. Happiness is found within you, not in anyone or anything else. Search for it, it is there.

  5. SOCIALIZING IS PART OF SOCIETY….UPPER🌷SOCIETY…..Which is never needed…It's an additive….Not a minus….Be THY' SELF'…..

  6. The grass is always greener equals you've opened up a want which leads you to the truth of yourself which is the Thumbelina like little girl who feels small and is hungry for truth, for belief, and for meaning in life. It means ya need to tell yourself the truth over emotion and build meaning, satisfaction, and good memories so that vs looking externally in longing for life from the world, you feel your own.

  7. I have reverse FOMO. When I am with people I always think of all the awesome, fun, productive, creative things I could be doing if I were alone — playing piano, painting watercolors, calligraphy, photography, writing, reading, working out, fine-tuning my home, …

  8. People who think they are missing out on social media should realise they are not missing out on anything that has substance.

  9. It’s funny.. I have fomo because my husband left me and so I can’t be part of his family get togethers… it’s funny because I always hated those get togethers…😂

  10. When your life situation seems dull and undesirable, you start to glare over how others have it.
    The change Won't happen through wishful thinking, only action bridges dream to reality.

  11. Very soothing and helpful for hard times thank you so much I look forward to hearing more about that you talked about was pretty good cuz I kind of am feeling that today

  12. The tribal aspect is exactly why we miss war. It breaks life down to its simplest form, kill or die. I will never have a bond as strong as I did with my brothers. Since I got out it feels like a part of my soul is missing.

  13. Is it bad that i want to be accepted in a group? I felt that fomo when i saw pics of them on a night out. I felt isolated maybe and i envied that get together.

  14. You know i didnt realize that is all me. As a kid being the youngest and 5 year gap i got left out allot and now i stand on the sideline waiting and hoping to be asked to join and even then im not that much fun to be with… it sucks… need to learn how to change that because when i am truly myself, im amazing… sadly it doesnt come out very often… need to learn how to do that too. Thank you for sharing this.

  15. It’s really insecure extroverts posting all the time which is being watched by insecure introverts who are feeling bad about it. Crazy cycle in the world that we live in today. Unintended consequence of social media. Social media is actually a real clinical addiction for many people. People wasting hours and hours of their life and their human potential spectating others.

  16. i thought it is trading related term with panic selling being the opposite of it, on the other side of the fence). Never heard of it in any other context, but I am not a native speaker.

  17. It's all based on comparison. Finding meaning and contentment on your own away from computers and people is very empowering.

    I'm fine with being on a mountain alone. No need for a party. I'm too busy creating.

    I'm a one girl guy. And as for friends? They show up when they need. I show up whenever they're hurt. No matter what.

  18. Simplest method is to never participate. Never joined Assbook, Twits or Instant Craniotomy. Never will.

    Never needed to be validated, seek approval or attention…

  19. Healthy nir i dont KNOW whos cheating and. Im fine by self usually boit 2 years however u cant be a groups punching bag… And my family usyo all get quiet when i wzlk in .. Shady or a prem within group wjo kmnows maby money or estate or re planned arrangements…
    But when urnever invited andother person is cheeting if tanles turned the jellious and trust would not allow…i can give total attention is the other person is welcming and not competive..

  20. Stephanie, i don't worry about missing out! Actually, i don't need to seek happiness from outside social events. I am very content being home, or doing things by myself. It's not to say i don't enjoy going out to socialize with others at various social events, but i find my greatest contentment on my own, creating my own happiness, "filling my own cup". I 'm not jealous of those who are constantly out and about and then posting it on social media. All that posting of look who i'm with, and where i'm at is very much , in my opinion, the need of attention and "look at me and my great life!" I'm an introvert and an empath and i enjoy the peace and quiet of my own company. Actually, i have had people that are out and about most of the time tell me there is something wrong with me because i enjoy being home, or not running to find outside stimulation . I am who i am and i'm comfortable with me being me. FOMO, not even close. Thanks Stephanie! You are beautiful and wise,and i very much enjoy your videos and the guidance they provide for me. Be well, take care.

  21. Wouldn'tit be rude ifsome one took a date and ifmgnoared but drank and introduced selves to strangers and ignored date … That's a problem .. I dont like to be in an awkward place.. Its like being dissex or abandoned..

  22. Would you be able to do a video on your personal healing journey? Especially what your lowest point looked and felt like and how you got to mmmmm self love. In a world where we see everyone’s highlight reels on Instagram, it would help a lot of us figure out how to start. Thank you for considering!

  23. Hi Stephanie I love following you. You truly have helped me understand narcissism and helped me to stand up for myself. And I now have the tools to do that. But I’m finding I am extremely angry at the people who I have allowed to treat me so badly. How can I stop or change this anger and be the peaceful, kind person I use to be. When I have to be around these mean family members I find myself waiting for that one word to come out of their mouths so I can tell them off and stick up for myself. Now that I have power I’m just always angry especially at myself for allowing the abuse to go on for so many years. Please help. Thank you.

  24. I gave it up. All of it. So much of it is fakery. There is hardly such a thing as "no filter" anymore, and there never really was. Life is so much better lived focusing on yourself and living your truth… and not examining the half truths of the world around you. Your diet is so much more than what you eat. Your company is so much more than the physical bodies you surround yourself with. It's the people you follow, it's the media you tune into, it's the belief system you have adopted in childhood, it's the thoughts you think about others and yourself. Social media is often just cheap, metaphorical junk food – a product being sold that does not exist in reality. Remember that.

  25. I was alone for four years. My husband never took me anywhere or out to eat, even associate with his guy friends which I am sure had girlfriends or wife's . Which he never wanted these people to know me because he himself is narissistic which I am finding this out. By learning from your videos and others. By being alone I have been alone and when I was I would find to where I would be dancing all over the house and when he came in it would never fail he would make the rest of my day a living hell . And I would lose that happiness that was in me. So being he would stay gone riding motorcycles with friends doing things with his friends going to the bar with friends and of course going to motels and having affairs. I never asked to be in his world and I am not a person who stays at home all the time. we were at one time always together and Bam all of a sudden he didn't want me to go no where with him. So that was when I knew he was having affairs. And of course he would lie. And I have caught him with one and he had said it was a guy. Yeah, right. Well I am learning more and more about this abuse because yes I have been in physical abuse and I have never been with someone that would be cold and evil to put mental abuse . So it has been very hard on me. And I mean very hard. He had lied to my family and most of all what I hate the most he had lied to a dieing man which was my father. And before my father hit bad off . I told him if you are going to leave me I want you to leave me now. I want you to leave before dad dies. Because my father had been my rock. And we would always talk about things that we would not talk to my mother. It was just between me and him. So if course he stayed. And not to long after dad had passed he left me abondon me. And of course he blamed me because I wouldn't shut my mounth. He was never home ,never took care of our house and wouldn't get a job. So how can I be alone with out a man . I don't like living alone I like the companionship. But want someone to treat me as the way I should of been treated . I wanted that life if 25,50 years of marriage . I wanted that for myself and hoping that I would if found that man that wanted that to. But if course I was wrong. I have been married enough to know that my dream is gone. So now I don't have nothing for myself . And that is sad . But life goes on and you deal with what cards are dealt to you. But I am watching all these videos to see how to get through this of what I didn't ask to be treated this way. This is new to me and I know a difference in me and I don't like it. Because this isn't me. Thanks for your videos because this is a silent abuse and alot of women and men has no clue that is what is happening to them. And it needs to be well know. I will be listening to more of your videos. Hoping that I will catch on and make my life alittle bit better. Thanks.

  26. Thank you for being such a great counsellor. The video helps to teach my niece not to overindulge in social media. Apart from events and social media, some boys are addicted to playing computer games and being too extreme introverted. This is also an issue too in Asia.

  27. You have such a calm, mature voice. Also, your narc seriously messed up. I hope he watches all these videos and gets the extensive help he needs.

  28. Thank you for covering this topic. If you ever have time or interest, can you please cover anxiety at nighttime and how it disrupts sleeping?

  29. I feel better about how I am. I do get fomo but it’s not as bad as others I know have. I am much happier not on social media.

    For lack of better words…… I always get shade thrown at me for being ok with sitting alone and having alone time.

    I prefer having quality conversations one on one rather then big groups.

  30. Gr8 video. I'm kinda on the JOMO end, Joy Of Missing Out. I actually see this world going down a really destructive path where social media and all of this excessive attention seeking, pretense and jealousy is concerned. Most aren't even happy and are really faking It so we should not be too anxious to fit in. Work on the self, do the things that you love, have a positive attitude towards life and you'll surely find your tribe, your passion and your true place in this life.

  31. I am happy that I can plan my own time. This means for example that I don't attend at social meetings, party's if I don't want to. I don't feel down when I miss out on events. I don't need to have every weekend fully booked. I can hang around in my house, do my stuff there, go cycling, go walking, gardening, reading. Maybe it is also an mature issue. I am now over my 40's. I am done with 'I must do this, I must do that' way. I can do so many things by my own, but of course it is also nice to share time with others. But it is not a must.

  32. Hi Stephanie, im turning 30 soon and it's really getting me down. I had so many plans and hopes for this stage in my life that aren't even on the horizon anymore. I'm recently single after a bad breakup from a relationship of 8 years. How can I support myself during this time? Thanks for your videos, they are so enlightening

  33. They are gonna hate either way. No matter what. Up, down, sideways. Lies and truth. I found joy in the mundane and the grind. Its turned into the grandiose. I've learned to take the extravagance home to enjoy my peace alone. Say what they will I have the memories and am forever humbly grateful to have had my turn on this rock valleys and peaks.

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