How do you stay connected if you quit social media?



living room conversation if you're live in a room isn't it a living room how'd everyone I'm Joshua fields Milburn from the minimalists welcome back to the living room conversations we're in my living room here in Los Angeles with my good friend Sean mihalick I'm gonna Shawn for while he's a talented author a novelist a poet also the managing editor at paleo magazine and he wear many hats but a very talented writer as well but I know you've gone through some social media changes over the back-and-forth over the last year or two years and I wanted to read this question to you from Kira Kira asks I've recently deleted all of my social media accounts snapchat Facebook Instagram and Twitter because I no longer find value in using any of them all my friends still heavily use social media and I get asked frequently when meeting people my age for my Instagram or my snapchat handle not my phone number how does a 20 year old find ways to interact and keep up with friends without falling back into the social media lifestyle now for me but the word that stood out most here was lifestyle social media lifestyle I think that's what social media becomes a problem when it because when it's a lifestyle now I know you and I had a conversation a few years back after you read deep work from from Cal Newport my favorite books I think it changed your mind on how you were using social media can you talk about that yeah so as a writer I need to work for long periods of time on difficult things and it can really don't listen yeah yeah carpenters need that my players need to do that as well I think I think Cal cause that'd be the craftsman mindset versus the versus the any benefit mindset uh-huh so so you use a tool because you you get a very specific value out of it not because you get some sort of value right because you can justify it in it you can say you know well I've gotten I get some sort of valid from storing Ella's baby teeth or yeah I don't I wouldn't actually get that yeah like like if you didn't no offense to people who storm a thief but it's all weird like if you didn't have her baby teeth would you be sitting there which I really had her baby teeth you know that is that some hole that you would need to fill otherwise in your life probably not gonna you know if you're sitting around wishing you had baby teeth right that's a little weird but you have to baby anything like like it's now I got those baby teeth and that's the difference there is that it is not it's not value you would otherwise be searching out well I mean I think that's the thing with social media but but it is so ubiquitous now right that virtually everyone has it especially someone who's her age you know you're in your 20s and you realize there was a period where you walked away from social media all together and you've recently brought it back into your life but then the word to describe it was what it oxymoronic but I'm so and Bibble I am passionately ambivalent about social media I mean I I think that's a good place to be but for someone like like me I have to I don't have any of the apps on my phone because I am NOT above them to it I I get addicted to it very easily and I could find an excuse to hop on Twitter or Instagram but very easily and it will interrupt whatever work that I'm trying to do whatever I'm trying to create it is not part of the creation it should but it should have augmenting creation so for me that's how I use social media now but for someone who says you know and by the way Bravo for deciding to completely get rid of all your social media accounts because you recognize you're not getting the value from that that's amazing now when she goes someone they don't ask her for a phone number I can tell you what what I do call because people still ask me like well what's your what's your Twitter or what's your what's your Instagram if it's some online interact with I'll often just instead of saying I don't have that I'll say you know what a much better way to contact me is is on email or here's my phone number right because if I'm saying that I'm giving them the alternative I'm not saying no no no I'm saying here's what I'm saying yes to because you know I might get lost in the shuffle of if you send me something on social media now you you don't want to have to say that because you don't have any social media account you can just say you know what it's much easier to contact me here's my phone our friend Patrick Brown always says saying no I was saying yes to other things yeah so yeah you know maybe by adopting that strategy maybe you're gonna miss out on some things but that that's okay because then the things that you are aren't going your your shifting your focus towards deeper connections yeah as app as opposed to yeah you're missing out on this facade and the ephemera of that facade as opposed to trying to get deeper whether it's deeper with the people you're connecting yet or deeper with the work you're trying to connect with as well I mean as creators when I'm creating something the worst thing I can do is interrupt it because it takes about 22 minutes to get into what they call flow State a creative State and if you were at the 25 minute mark and say well I'm just gonna take a quick Twitter break well you've actually only done three minutes of effective meaningful work and then it's gonna take you 20 more minutes to get back into that state and so social media can can be quite the burden if you're if you're using it that way however that's not to say you can't use social media effectively you you can the question is what is appropriate for you and right now for cure it sounds like social media is not appropriate I want to applaud you for that give people an alternative way to contact you that isn't on you know an app on their phone and I would say this whole thing isn't just to demonize social media because yeah a cure says she she wasn't finding any value in it but then now she has this dilemma how does how does she keep in touch with these people so maybe you don't have social media for the next three months the next six months and maybe when that time is passed you're still one you're still missing some of those connections so so maybe you were getting a little value from it that you didn't realize yeah the question is alright how do I get just that maybe it's bringing back just snap chat or just Instagram not keeping them on your phone checking them once a day yeah but maybe not maybe you just you're you're you're good without it but but there it goes it goes back to that that craftsman versus any benefit yeah I think it's understanding what those benefits are going to be for you and being willing to adjust accordingly all right well that's it for this week's living room conversation if you want to check out Sean mahalik he's a very talented author go to Sean mihalick comm and put a link in the show description and if you have a question for living room conversations leave it below in somewhere there comments down here is that right Jordan down here somewhere anyway you can subscribe somewhere as well if you want to get future answers we'll see you next time and minimus

32 thoughts on “How do you stay connected if you quit social media?

  1. Hey guys! Thanks for the important content you guys share, I appreciate your work a lot, but next time you receive any guests to speak about their experiences give them some time to say it! I was feeling uncomfortable with all the interruptions, just a tip!

  2. The people that are truly in relationship, will communicate through other ways. I've met up with three of my closest friends this weekend and texted with another that lives out of area. What I do find since deleting IG last year and removing FB app and FB msg app from my phone in 2018, is that many of the people that were highly communicative when I was posting content on my personal FB page, barely spoke to me in person when they see me in person. It has been interesting since I stopped posting content. However, the majority of what I'd consider my core 10 friendships are still very much active. I now am able to redirect more energy to them vs. meaningless interactions in a newsfeed with people that do not invest much in me otherwise. I'm enjoying life much more now and it's reminiscent of what life was like for me well before even MySpace when dear friends picked up the phone (or even in the early days of texting), however that was truly used to coordinate to get together moreso than a primary means of communicating.

  3. I've been wondering lately if i should quit social media, namely instagram, and i've been putting blame on myself from time to time from spending so much time on it.

    Now thinking about it value-wise and by acknowledging that maybe i do get some values from it like catching up to friends who have immigrated, i can look again without former blame.

    Thank you!

  4. I’m 23 years old & I’ve had social media since I was about 14. I feel like I used it just to get people to try and like me. It just kept driving me more and more crazy. I kept it though because I was afraid that people would forget about me if I didn’t exist on social media. I decided that that didn’t matter & the people who truly cared about me could call or text me. It’s been 2 months without Facebook and a few days now without Instagram (deleted Snapchat and Twitter months ago) and I have felt so much more free. I found myself buying things or doing things just to post about it on social media.

  5. Pro tip. Log out. When you have to log back in everytime you wanna look at some app its an additional barrier. It also makes it harder for the plattforms to track your data. Also, deactivate messages from showing on the message bar.

  6. I deleted my Instagram a the beginning of the year and since then, I don’t miss it. A lot of people ask me why I deleted it and I just say “Because It got boring to me and I don’t find it fun anymore.”

  7. I have an old childhood friend who only speaks to me through FB…she has my # but doesn't use it as a form of communication….
    weird

  8. But did they actually answer the question? They said get rid of distractions……but I didn't hear them mention an answer to her actual question.

  9. Does anyone have alternative for the local event function of facebook?
    An app or website maybe, would be so awesome if there was sth international.

  10. I still love old school method of visiting home, meeting and greeting with little snacks and drinks. Quitting social media has forced me to do it. And i love it.!! People who meet me after long time can catch up with me, asking what i have been up to.

  11. I've been off all social media for a few months now and don't miss it AT ALL! but I do get alot of people say "why?" With a very confused face, even family. But saying that all those people that are the most concerned about the fact I don't have have social media anymore have never tried to contact me otherwise. It's a great way to find out who really wants to be apart of your life and those that are doing it for the likes and follows per say.

  12. Great dialogue. Quick question???? Where did you pick up that couch? Pretty awesome and we’ve been looking for something with that style and color.
    Thank you for your time.

  13. I've removed them from my phone for the next 30 days. See how I go probably keep them on my Chromebook after that. Twitter is good for getting response from company's and Facebook is good for keeping up with family who don't live close.

  14. I only have distant family on my Facebook. No friends. No other social media accounts either. And I keep my Facebook so that I can link A game from phone to tablet. I never use my Facebook.

  15. Great conversation, but did anyone else spend the full 7 minutes wishing they were about 4 inches farther apart?

  16. I deleted Facebook several months ago & the only thing I miss about it is having an easy way to find local events, most of which seem to be promoted via Facebook

  17. Yeah, I recently announced I was taking the FB app off my phone. I hate it when people do announcements like that to get attention and feel superior, but in my case I had to announce it because the last time I drastically decreased my FB involvement people would forget to tell me about family events and assume I'd heard them talk about it on Facebook.

    The absolute nonsense of this culminated when I found out I no longer had a job through Facebook. Not through a Facebook message, even. I found out I lost my job because the friend of the family I was working for posted that his company no longer existed ON Facebook. He actually told everyone on his Facebook friend's list that the company was going under before he told his own employees, all of whom were actually either related to friends of his or were direct family members. smh

  18. You know what…I have not been on social media as much as I used to. Maybe because I’m too busy trying to clean out my hoarded house!! Lol

  19. I’m off social media. If your friends only speak to you on Facebook and such they are fake friends. Real friendships exist in person with genuine eye to eye contact. People usually lie about how long they are spending on these platforms and don’t realize the negative effects they are having. Makes me sad, but that was me too for so long.

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