Have courage my friend | Vlog 173 – Inspirational Speech


– So my job today is to
introduce you to the session I know you cannot wait to begin because everybody’s already
shopping in the magazines. (participants laugh) I want some of that, I want some of that. (gentle piano music) Morning, vlog, how you doing? It is Sunday morning, the
last day of the retreat, although we all stay, the Be Team, the team behind the retreat, stay on Sunday night to have
a little relaxing catch-up. It is a beautiful morning. I’ve been out capturing
some of the, not sunrise, but just some of the morning shots and it was so peaceful and quiet. Makes me think I want to get up more often to do that in the morning. (uplifting music) So we’re starting the day
with morning stretches, then breakfast from the lovely Paula, and then a talk, I’m
doing a talk on courage, and I can’t wait, so here we go. (tranquil music) Morning, Dev. – Good morning. – Oh sorry, were you
just meditating there? – Just connecting with the breath. – I’m so sorry I’ve interrupted
you with technology. I should leave, I should go. – Sat Nam
– Sat Nam She still loves us, don’t you, Dev? (Dev laughs) (uplifting music) All right, I think we’re ready. So my job today is to
introduce you to the session. I know you cannot wait to begin because everybody’s already
shopping in the magazines. (participants laugh) I want some of that, I want some of that. So I’m introducing it, a
vision boarding session where you get to spend some time thinking about what you
want in the next 12 months. And I’m going to do it the best
way I know how with a story. (gentle jazz music) Has anyone heard me tell my story before? Put your hand up if you have. (screeching) – A couple people. Okay, let’s see if it’s changed. Let’s see– (participants laugh) Let’s see what details
I leave out this time. The tears– (participants chatter) – (laughs) We’ll do a cross and compare. So today I’m going to talk about something really important to
me and it’s courage, courage. Courage to act, courage
to think, courage to shed, courage to ask for what you really want, and courage to express who
you really are in the world. So does anyone know where
the word courage comes from? Where the origin of the word
courage, where it comes from? – [Woman] Not to run with it, courage, and then courier to run– – No but very good because
it is French origin, a little Latin in it yeah. So cour is the Latin word for heart. How beautiful is that? So courage means strength of heart. So to have courage to act on your dreams, to have courage to say
what you want to say, to have courage to get the
haircut you want to get. – [Woman] It looks fabulous. – Thank you so much, I know. (participants laugh) To have courage to love
yourself and be bold and turn up how you want
to turn up in the world. It means strength of
heart, it means valor, it means strength of conviction, means knowing who you are. So I want to tell you
a story today because I think ultimately I know that happiness is about figuring out who you are. I love that nobody here
was meant to be at this. You guys have all got things to do and you’ve gathered in. (participants laugh) It was the courage, wasn’t it? It hooked you, it hooked
you, I love it, I love it. So I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt that happiness is figuring
out why you’re here and it’s being brave enough
to build a life around it. So just think about what that means, it means figuring out why I’m here, what I’m here to do, who
I really am deep down. And then having the courage to actually build a life around it. And not many people ever find
that courage in their life. Enter the Be retreats. (participants laugh) This group of people I
imagine is more courageous than a lot of people. And I believe that by
getting together like this it’s our job to help create an environment where we can find that
courage within ourselves to go back out into the
world and act and show up and be who we really want to be. So think about courage as I go
through this story with you. And I want you to think about where have shown courage
in my life already and where could I do with showing
a little bit more courage. So who is it you want to be, how do you want to show up in the world, and where might you get that
courage from to take action on your dreams and what you really want. Does that sound good? You with me? (participants laugh) Alright super. So you know that I run, does everyone know I run a
business called Dare to Grow? Hands up if you’ve seen any of the vlogs. Okay most people, a few people haven’t, so I got into vlogging a couple years ago because I wanted to share my story and actually the truth
of change in my life. And you’ve probably seen my life and think oh that’s canny, she’s
got a dog, she’s like – [Woman] She’s got a dog. (participants laugh) – Hang on, let me– (participants laugh) Let me change the order, she’s in the most beautiful relationship with the most wonderful woman ever, her dog Sasha. (laughs) (participants laugh) She’s going out with this
amazing woman called Alice, and lives by the sea, and all of this, like these camera bits and pieces and it looks like I’m having
this amazing life, right. I’ll tell you I am because of
the courage I showed to get, the courage I displayed to get here. But it wasn’t always like this. A few years ago you
wouldn’t actually recognize the person I was a few years ago. I was a shell of who I am today. And just to give you a bit of context, if we go back a few years, maybe three, it was about three and a half years now. I was a hundred grand in debt (sighs) that number makes you feel
a bit sick doesn’t it? I was a hundred grand in debt, I had severe, severe
depression and I hated my life. I literally hated my life so much that I think it’s Esther
Hicks that says depression is when you hate your
life so much that you literally depress your
personality, you just check out because you can’t be
present in your own life so you depress yourself. You stop showing up in the
world how you want to show up so I had severe
depression, really in debt, and I thought something had to change. But the story goes even
further back than that and for all of you in your lives, if you think about where
you came off your path where you came out of
alignment with yourself it didn’t happen last week,
it didn’t happen last month. I bet it happened years and years ago and the journey to happiness
is about coming back into alignment with yourself
everyday in tiny, tiny steps. Tiny little things that
you’re going to say, tiny little things you’re do, and it compounds and three years later, all of a sudden people want
to know how you did it. And then you can’t tell
them because it’s a journey, it’s a journey. So when I was 23 I did what most people or a bit younger actually,
when I probably was 20, 21. I followed the typical
path of going to London and getting on the graduate
scheme and getting a boyfriend. (participants laugh) I ticked all the boxes trying
to make other people happy. Has anyone done that, done things that they think should happen? I see a lot of people who, you know a lot of my friends, there’s literally a tick list of things, get married, have baby number one, upgrade your car, upgrade
house, have baby number two, holidays, Caribbean, all inclusive. And it’s like a checklist of things that we go through in
life, but how many of us actually want that?
– [Woman] It’s so specific. – Isn’t it? – [Woman] Caribbean, all inclusive. (participants laugh) – Am I right? I’m right because it’s my
checklist, I’m on the– (participants laugh) So we go through this checklist of being who other people want us to be and doing what other people want us to do because we want to fit
in, we want to be loved and we just don’t know what else to do. And I think when I was
younger, when I was 20, 21 I actually don’t think I knew who I was, do you know what I mean by that? I don’t think I knew who I was. I think I was trying to fit in that group, and trying to be approved by that group, and trying to make that person proud. And I didn’t really know who I was so what I ended up doing was I still knew I had this
passion inside for, it wasn’t changing people’s lives, it was more helping people
get what they wanted. But in my clumsiness, I called it I was teaching graduates
how to get their dream job and get up the career ladder, you know accelerated success. That was the only language I knew of actually building
the life of their dreams which is what I talk about now. So I left my job at 23 and I said Mum, Dad, I’m
going to be a millionaire I’m going to launch this
graduate coaching business. They’re going to pay me a
fortune, it’s going to be amazing. And then three months later, I was like Dad is that spare room still available, ’cause I’m coming home. Completely didn’t work, turns out graduate don’t have any money. (participants laugh) Didn’t get the memo. (participants laugh) I worked at uni, I had cash, nobody else. So I was like oh, right,
this isn’t going to work. So I tried going to the parents, turns out they’re forking
up for the education and don’t want to pay
for an additional coach who’s only a few years
older than their daughter who doesn’t actually
have any life experience. So that didn’t work. So on my journey I met
some people and I turned, I ended up turning this
business, this idea, into a graduate recruitment company. And I want you to think in your life about a dream that you’ve got right now or an aspiration or a vision
that you’ve got for your life. And when it didn’t work
out, what do we do? We compromise, that word, we compromise. And we compromise bit by bit, day by day. We compromise on what we want, we compromise on what we want to say, we compromise on how we
show up in the world. And that’s what leads
to anxiety, depression, and hating what you’ve got because again I want to stress, it’s not overnight. It’s weeks and months, of years of not honoring your preferences. Not honoring your preferences so, honoring your preferences and saying you know, if somebody says
do you want a cup of tea and you actually think no, I actually want you know lime and lemonade
with a slice of lemon. (participants laugh) It’s actually being brave enough to say, no I want lime and lemonade
with a slice of lemon and two ice cubes. It’s like being brave enough
to ask for what you want. So I ended up with this
recruitment company and in order to grow it, I
started getting into web design, and marketing, and social media, and twittergram, you know
Twitter and Instagram and all these different things. It’s what my mom calls it, twittergram. (participants laugh) So I started getting into
all these different things and because my ego was running wired, I was like mint, I’ll
launch another business and I’ll be mint at that as well. So by the time I was 27 I ended up with two six figure businesses. And at its peak, I think
when I was probably about 27, the marketing agency was a
quarter of a million revenue and I was 27. So all my family and friends, they’re like wow Lisa you’re amazing. Like you’ve smashed it,
you’ve done so well. And in one moment I was like
yeah that sounds pretty cool but what nobody knew and
this is the saddest thing, I was crying myself to sleep
every night, I hated my life and I couldn’t get out
of bed in the morning. So I’d literally set my alarm for 5:00AM, by the way guys I’m
going to take you down, I’m going to bring you back up so if you’re looking for it, there’s a happy ending to
the story alright, fear not. I’m seeing people’s
faces and I’m thinking, I’ve gone too far, I’ve gone too far. We’ll come back up in a second. So I’d literally set my alarm for 5:00AM thinking this is what high achievers do, they get up at five. So I’d snooze it and instead
of getting out of bed and doing what I do now, actually being productive,
working on my dreams, working on my goals. I would sit and think about all the things that were
going to go wrong that day. I’d think about all the money I’d borrowed and the debt I was accruing. I’d think about, you know, my life and where I’d failed and
things that hadn’t gone well. And by the time 8:00 or
9:00 AM rolled around, what a thunder storm
I’d create in my mind. No wonder I couldn’t get out of bed, no wonder I had depression. How many of us do that? We wake up and the first
thoughts we have in the morning are negative or of fear? You guys are nervous, am I the only one? I should have just gone to therapy. Who does it, you wake
up and the first thing that comes to you is
fear and anxiety, worry? – [Woman] Not anymore, but yes. – Not anymore, but yeah,
once upon a time, okay, cool. So, god I was thinking maybe I should be booking
in for therapy here. So I used to do this, I used to wake up and then
all these fears would kick in and then of course if
you’re thinking fearfully and if you’re worried about things, you take action that’s aligned to that. So I used to wake up and
I used to get in the car at about 9:00, 10:00AM, even
though I’d woken up at five. And I’d go to Costa Coffee
and I would drink coffees and caffeine and I’d have these like delicious sugar twirl things,
have you seen them from Costa? The chocolate twists. (participants chatter) Who’s never had a chocolate
twist from Costa Coffee? (participants laugh) Do not, do not under any
circumstances eat one because when you have
you’ve got to have two and then it becomes part of your diet and it honestly, it led me, not that specifically
but drinking these coffees and eating this food led
me to gain loads of weight. I was two dress heavier than I am now. And like my life just seemed
to spiral out of control. So then it got so bad, I
remember one specific occasion, I was in the car park at Seaham, we had offices in Seaham,
do you guys know Seaham? I know some of– I’m nearby Seaham. And Alice was inside
with one of our clients, one of our biggest clients. They were paying us 48 grand
a year to do their marketing. And I was outside, all suited and booted, looking a million dollars,
like I had my life together. I didn’t and I was crying
my eyes out in the car and I had team of eight people. I was meant to be leading these people, I was meant to have it all
together, have it figured out. And I was in tears to the point where I couldn’t pull myself round and get out of the car
and into the office. Had the music blasting, I was
on like coffee number three. I was like chocolate twist and
I was like nothing’s working, really bad. And then Alice phoned me
from inside the office and she was like, is that you outside? I was like yup, everything alright? She went, well the clients in here and they’re waiting for you. And I thought wow, this is really bad. So I did the meeting, went
home, nobody was any the wiser. But then a few days later
somebody close to me, said this is really bad, we’re
going to need to, you need help. So he took me to the doctors and the doctor spent five minutes with me, that was all they had,
five minutes with me. Asked me a few questions and he said, you know the way they kind
of sit back and assess and he said, yes, it seems to
me that you have depression. And I was like, well I think I knew that, I’ve been googling how
to get over depression. I’ve been buying all the books
from Morrison’s for years. And then he said, you
might even be bipolar. Bipolar! And I was thinking, in this
moment, I had this like out of body experience where
I kind of came out of my body and I was looking down on
this situation, thinking you don’t know anything about
me, anything about my life and you’re telling me I might be bipolar. That’s such a severe
thing to say to somebody. I was like I only came in to make this other person feel okay, that I wasn’t feeling so bad. What the heck. So he said, so what I’m going to
do is I’m going to prescribe you with antidepressants. And I’ve got nothing
against antidepressants, for some people they’re
absolutely the right thing to do. But for me in that moment,
I came back into my body and I felt fierce, I felt
that courage, and I thought no I am not having antidepressants, it’s my job to find another
way out of this depression. So I said, I was like streaming
in tears, but in my heart I was like no, no doctor anything else, please do continue with your ideas. But what came out was, but I
don’t want the antidepressants. And I burst into tears, and he said okay, and
he was like oh my god she’s crazy, we need
to get her out of here there’s other patients. And he said go running
everyday for the next two weeks and tell me how you feel. So I was like alright, okay,
I used to love running. So I go home and the
next day I literally like pull these leggings
out from under the bed. And I’m like (blows)
blowing the dust off them, shaking them out. There’s dust in the air. And then I realized, there’s
a hole right in the seam where you, it doesn’t
matter where the hole was, but the point is, I was running along and I was pulling my t-shirt down. And does anyone go running? Does anyone hate the sound
of themselves breathing when they’re running? Sounds like they’re dying. (gasps) So I thought well I’ve been
super smart about this, stay motivated. So I put these headphones in and I googled motivational speaker, like, I was like any, I was trying anything to get
on this run to feel better. And this speaker comes up,
a guy called Les Brown. Has anyone heard of him? He’s amazing, Les Brown big
motivational speaker in America. And like he’s got such
a big, bellowing voice, he’s amazing. He’s one, he’s definitely
worth looking at. So I was listening to this
motivational speech on YouTube and I was running along and he asked this question, he said, what would you do if you found out you only had three months left
to live, what would you do? And just think in a moment for yourselves, what would you do genuinely,
if you found out right now you only have three months left
to live, what would you do? So for me, it wasn’t like
a list of things and ideas, you know the kind of way
you do your shopping list. It was like an instant download, I knew. I’d give up my companies, I would tell Alice I was in love with her, whatever the consequences, because I’m going to die I might
as well take that consequence, see what would happen. Say we should be together,
move to Manchester, and come and join me in
this adventure in paying off one hundred grand worth of debt. (participants laugh) That wasn’t the proposal, I
said do you fancy a drink? (participants laugh) I went that way instead. So I thought, I’d write a book and I said I’m going to launch, I would launch, if I had
three months left to live, I would launch Dare to Grow the coaching company I always wanted. And I would teach people what I’ve learned about how to change your life, life is short, take action today, here’s how I got depression, maybe it can help you get out of it. And then the next question he asked me, I mean the download came
as quickly as it came, it went again because have you done that, where you’ve
had inspiration for an idea and then you thought oh well
that’s never going to happen. Or I’m never actually going
to take action on that, or this is in the way
or that’s in the way, or that person’s in the way. And then you just let
it go, your phone rings, and you get on with your life. Well I wanted to do that, you know, just get on and live with depression. And the next question he asked was made me literally turn
on my heels, sprint home. I wrote down the list and I started making the
changes the very next day. The next question he asked
was, how do you know, how do you know you haven’t
got three months left to live? How do you know? You don’t. So in that moment, I
had what I would call, a spiritual near death experience. That’s when I just woke up from my coma and thought, what the hell
am I doing with my life? I’m compromising in everything, health, money, the way I
want to show up in the world. I ran home, I wrote down the list, and I started making the
changes the very next day. And that’s what led me to start vlogging, I thought I’m going to share this journey, I’m going to document my
journey out of depression. I’m going to figure out how to do it and teach other people to do the same. I’m going to launch my dream business, and by hook or by crook,
by sheer determination I’m going to figure out how to
make a living doing what I love. And over the next three and half years, I literally had to pay off
a hundred thousand pounds worth of debt. I had to figure out all
sorts of things about what depression is. Is it in the brain, is it in the body, is it spiritual, what is it? So I went to all these
seminars and training. And we even went over to
LA to see Tony Robbins. Anyone a Tony Robbins fan? Yeah, we went to see Gabby Bernstein. We did all these amazing things and do you want to know what
I learned on that journey? I’ll give you just a few highlights. Give me a nod if you do? – [Participants] Yeah. – A few things I learned on that journey, the first thing is, and this is why we’re doing
vision boarding today. The only way to change your life is to be brave enough to ask
for what you really want. You’ve got to set a vision
for what you really want. You’ve got to be bold enough
to say this is who I am, this is what I demand,
command, expect, and warrant. We all deserve to be happy,
we all deserve to have whatever’s in our imagination. But so many of us say it’s not possible because of the circumstances around us, or because of the people around us telling us it’s not possible. So the first thing you got to do is ask, what do I really want. If I could have anything, if I could be celebrating
anything in 12 months time, what would I love to be celebrating? And it doesn’t matter
if it seems impossible, the first step is to ask for it. Does that make sense? It’s to ask for what you want. The second thing for me
was to really go within and figure out who I was
and what I wanted to do and how I wanted to show up in the world. And for me that boiled down to purpose, like why am I here, what is my destiny, what can I bring to the world. And I think honestly we all have a unique
and compelling purpose. And this is crazy because I think each and every single
one of you around this table know that you have a purpose within you. You’ve got a voice, you’ve
got something you want to say. It might not be clear, it might not, you might not be able
to articulate it yet. But there’s something
inside you isn’t there, that you want to share with the world or a story you want to tell or a person you’d love
to reach out and help. We all have that and
this is a crazy thought, I believe there are
people out there right now waiting for exactly what you’ve
got to bring to the world. How about that for a thought? There’s people out there right now waiting for exactly what you’ve
got to bring to the world. And if I can use Alice as an example, three years ago when
we did your first ever day, it was like an
evening event wasn’t it? How nervous were you? – [Alice] Very nervous. – To a day event and I was
terrified at this point thinking what have you done? (participants laugh) – What is Kunda, Kunda what? Meditation what? I didn’t know any of this stuff, this was all brand new to me. You know we were learning it as we went. An it’s, you know, this
has been Alice’s journey. And to come and do like
a full weekend retreat. Who’s enjoyed the retreat this weekend? (participants agree) Yeah, wow what a beautiful reaction. Who here’s life feels a little bit better because of what they
experienced this weekend? – Yeah, amazing. So if you think of Alice three years ago, she never had the courage
to put on that first event, start using her voice, speak up. Go to the kind of events, see the event, go and meet these people on her journey. If she hadn’t done that, none of you would have
met here this weekend. This wouldn’t be happening. Me and Alice wouldn’t be together and then we wouldn’t
have this gorgeous little puppy called Sasha. (participants laugh) I mean what, life would be
so bad, it would be so sad. And then same for me, does
anyone follow Dare to Grow. Does anyone get any inspiration from the Dare to Grow
vlogs in the morning? If I wasn’t brave enough to speak out, share my voice, tell my
family I’m quitting my job, ask Alice if she wanted
to go for that drink, me and Alice would never be together. And I know a lot of people
look at our relationship and what we’re doing and
get a lot of joy from it. People say but it’s you two together, there’s something about you together. And I’m like yeah I know but I’m pretty mint by myself, aren’t I? (participants laugh) And they’re like, no,
no together, together. So yeah so you’ve got to think about what is that voice inside you, what are those things that you
want to share with the world? And it might seem silly now,
it might seem crazy now. But to start expressing your preferences, to start honoring your truth. It’s small steps and then a week goes by and a month goes by and then a year goes by. And then all of a sudden, when you start coming back
into alignment with yourself other people start getting drawn to you because they want to
know what you’ve learned. And nobody comes out and they’re perfect. Like my first vlog, I don’t want to say
it’s awful that’s mean, but it’s, you know, it’s nothing
compared to what it is now. So if for anyone of you who
want to get into photography or art or baking or videos
or speaking or retreats, just put on the first version
that you possibly can. For any of you, if who
want to get your hair cut, has anyone ever really
wanted to get their haircut real short like this? Might not be, yeah, (laughs)
you’re winning at life then. So for me, I wanted to get my hair cut but I knew it was really unconventional, I feared that I would lose my clients, my big corporate clients. So I just started getting
it cut shorter and shorter. And then I had it cut were
the sides were all cut. And then one day I went and got it shaved and it was the most liberating
experience of my life. So you don’t have to make drastic, I’m looking at you for
this, good isn’t it? You don’t have to make drastic moves, you just take small
steps every single day. And this is the truth of it, in life it’s not the big things you do that will change your life, it’s not the big things. It’s not that one big trip,
it’s not that one big talk, it’s not that one big confession, it’s who you are every single day. And this is what I think a lot of people don’t understand about
the law of attraction. You know that your
thoughts bring into reality what you think about, what
you focus on, you get. But the truth of it that who
you are is what you attract. If you’re an honest,
outgoing, bubbly person, you are going to attract honest, outgoing, bubbly people to you. If you find yourself sad,
depressed, hiding away, you’re going to attract that kind of life. So in order to change your life, you’ve actually got to change who you are. (gentle jazz music) ♪ Listen, woke up this
morning and rubbed my eyes ♪ ♪ Took me a second but I realized ♪ ♪ That I’m still the same
man I was yesterday ♪ ♪ See I made a promise to myself ♪ ♪ To make a change and better myself ♪ ♪ But I don’t feel any
difference and that’s a shame ♪ ♪ All I want ♪ ♪ Is to be a better man ♪

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