Get Someone To Like You

We’ve all wondered it from time to time
how do you get someone to like you. I’ve got some pointers today and I hope you
stick around for all of them. How to get someone to like you? You know what? I
learned this from some little kids. I’ve shared with you before that I spent (Wow)
probably 12 or 13 years of my career doing child custody evaluations. I did a
lot of psychological evaluations and interviews with children. With little
kids. And they taught me so much. I used to have this instrument that I would use
with children called a sentence completion test. And it’s not really a
test. It’s more of a an exercise to dry out some of their thinking. So there
are sentence stems and then there’s a blank at the end. And you read the stem
to them and they fill in the blank. And one of these was “To make friends, you
have to…” Now, how did you answer that? You know what? Over 90% of the kids
that I showed that stem with had the same answer. “Be nice.” Yeah to make friends
you have to be nice. Aren’t you glad you watched? Yeah, it’s that simple.
Yep, be nice. You know what? One of my colleagues and a guy that I’ve admired for
a long time as Mark Gungor. Mark has a viral video that went out about a tale
of two brains. You’ve probably seen it where he talks about men’s brains and
women’s brains. Well Mark is a pastor. He’s a counselor. He’s a thought leader
in the area of relationships. And in his book Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage,
mark said this, “He said it comes down to 2 words.” Yeah, you know where I’m going
with this, don’t you? Be nice. Be nice. And notice that you’ve got a choice here too.
Be nice. How do you get people to like you?
Well, that’s pretty much it. You know what? We did a video not too long ago about
how to form a good first impression. Go check that one out.
And another one also about “How to get people to open up to you?” I described
in those 2 videos a quadrant system. I call it the influencer quadrant. You’re
going to get some mileage out of that. If you go look at that in the context of
how to get people to like you. So, I won’t repeat all of that here. You can watch
that in the other two videos. But it occurred to me that one of the things
about being nice that I think would be really useful here is to give people
gifts. Alright. Now, I’m not saying this because I want you to send me a gift.
Although I wouldn’t reject it if you did. I’m talking about social gifts. 4
social gifts I was introduced to these social gifts by Dr. Mrs Roper’s
impressions. And if she described what social gifts are… There’s 4 of them,
okay? You can get people to like you more by giving these social gifts
consistently. So, let’s look at the 4 social gifts. The first one is
appreciation and gratitude. It’s a social gift. You can give this to anyone as you
asked your mind. Well, what is it that I’m grateful for about that person? And try
to be as specific as you can. Giving the gift of gratitude and
appreciation changes how people respond to you, okay? Because they feel something.
Think about how you feel if someone expresses appreciation for you. Hey, you
know what? I sure appreciate that you did that thing for me. Yeah, doesn’t that just
feel awesome? It does. And the person who’s delivering the gift goes up in
your esteem and your liking of them. Because they gave you the social gift.
Same things gonna happen for you if you want to get people to like you more. Give
them some gratitude and appreciation. Show a little love here, okay? Second
social gift. Connection and commonality. What do you have in common with that
person? This is very validating. When you meet someone for the first time for
example. And you’re talking a little bit about what you do or they’re talking
about what they do and you find something that matches that comes
together that you have in common gives you a little connection with that
person, doesn’t it? Yeah. So, give the social gift of connection and
commonality. It usually sounds something like, “Oh, you’re interested in
leather craft? I used to do leather craft when I was a teenager.
Loved it. What have you done recently?” Okay? If that’s something that you have
and I just picked leather craft as an example. But it might be a sport. It might
be a hobby. It might be a place. You see this all the time. You know when you go
to a show and the speaker or the comedian or the entertainer up on
the stage says, “I’m from Lubbock, Texas.” And you get cheers from back there
in those seats, right? Everybody’s like, “Yeah, Texas!” Or wherever it is. They get
all excited. In fact, you guys who are from Lubbock, Texas. You’re getting a
little excited right now, aren’t you? Yeah, because there’s some commonality. You’re
like, “Oh, wow. That’s my place.” And it causes people to like you more when you
identify something that you have in common. That’s social gift number 2.
Connection and commonality. What’s another gift that you can give?
Number 3 is enlightenment and knowledge. And remember, think of this as
a social gift. It’s something that you’re giving to someone. If you can increase
their fund of knowledge, they will naturally like you more. Try to focus in
on something that is relevant to them or some of the things that you have in
common. This way you can kind of magnify the social gifts. It usually shows up in
the form of, “Hey, did you know…?” And then you give them that new
piece of information. Okay? Or you know what I heard? And then you give them the
new piece of information. This particular social gift is all about increasing
their fund of knowledge. And they will like you more as they receive that gift
from you. Let’s go to the fourth one. Elevation and positivity. You knew I’d
get to positivity, right? Because I’m the positivity guy. Yeah, of course. We’re
going to go there. Elevation is just what it sounds like. What does an elevator do? It
lifts people, right? It takes them to a higher place. You want to lift or edify
or enrich them. And particularly their mood. That’s why positivity is so
important in this equation. So, as we elevate people, it can be as simple as
smiling. Just give them a good genuine smile. And that lifts them a little bit.
You see people smiling, it just changes your day. Doesn’t it? Try this out on the
street. You know, as you’re walking along and you see somebody and just give them
a big old smile. Right? They’re going to think you’re up to something. It might
weird him out a little bit. But we’re talking about helping people to have an
elevated mood. Humor is an important part of this particular social gift to give
them something that they can laugh a little bit about or chuckle. Okay? Or just
experience a little bit of elation and joy in the moment. So.. Smiling, humor,
having a pleasant disposition, having a positive attitude about things. That’s
the fourth social gift. How do we get people to like us more? Be nice! And that
also means giving some social gifts. You don’t have to do anything to give me to
like you. I’m just really glad that you’re here. Thanks for joining me at
Live On Purpose TV. I saw standing in the street alone alone

12 thoughts on “Get Someone To Like You

  1. I'm not even from Lubbock, but I lived in TX for almost a decade, & I got excited when you you mentioned that phenomenal state! ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿฅฐ Texas is AWESOME. (And so are your videos!)

  2. Be nice and also be nice to yourself! Showing confidence in who you are…while showing respect will expand your influence. My husband and I work with people on our channel to solve anger and relationship problems!

  3. Oh man, I wish I knew you in person ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป you make me feel positive just by watching your videos ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป thank you!

  4. You kind of know this from your life experience, but listening to it from you, gives you more strengh to use it and spread joy around. Thanks Dr. Jenkins.

  5. Humans are social beings and we want to be appreciated but humans are generally self-absorbed, most of the time we only care if it answers the question "What is it for me? "
    Be nice alright is the general rule.
    All Social gifts are anchored in you sharing time to be with that friend.
    Take time to smile.
    Take time to connect.
    Take time to give compliments.
    Take time to be respectful.
    Take time to be nice.

    Thank you Sir for this short but impactful video.

  6. I love your videos ๐Ÿ™‚ They are so so helpful and so clear ๐Ÿ™‚ Can I just make a suggestion? As your logo doesn't have your face or your wife's face in it, sometimes when I am going through the channels I subscribe I kind of forget what is your channel about.. I love the moto ''Live on Purpose'' ๐Ÿ™‚ but I think you should and could have a lot more views. I think the fact that the logo blends onto the screen is also adding to this. Just a suggestion, but maybe people would click a lot more if they immediately connected your channel and logo to you and your wife ๐Ÿ™‚ All the best! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. For being nice i was called: immature,naive, stupid,lightheaded, flirtatious,was put down many,many times by miserable people. But I will Never,Ever give up being NICE.

  8. Thatโ€™s why I like you so much ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š thank you so much. Your video are a great blessing for me โ™ฅ๏ธ

  9. You ae a beautiful person Dr. Paul. Simple and right to the heart, I did sales and that's how to earn trust, and freindship. Trust, need, help them , hurry . Be immediate in addressing needs and concerns.

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