[Ethan and Hila Intro Music] Ethan: Welcome back, guys to another episode of Ethan and Hila Pleasure to be here Let me just say for myself Hila: Me too. Ethan: I’m happy Hila: I’m happy Ethan: I sense that you’re being truthful and I’m really happy to know that you’re happy too Cause We are having a lot of fun! This is week two of 5 days per week. Hila: Yeah Ethan: and to be honest with you guys, it’s a lot of fun Hila: It’s really fun! Ethan: I really like doing it. I like coming out here everyday. Shaking our dicks. Doing our things Hila: Yeah Ethan: I’m enjoying it, I’m having a ball You guys may remember our hit review of “one fucked up dentist” “Aye! I’m one fucked up dentist” *laugh track* *windy sounds* Now this, was one of our best videos we’ve made on this channel, because the video was so spicy and spooky, I mean frankly We could’ve done that on the main channel probably, but I mean, hey. A good meme is a good meme no matter where you put it but some memes continue to give Hila: Yeah Ethan: You’ve got DJ Khaled You’ve got John Sakars. But maybe, just maybe we have a new living meme on our hands and let me explain Now, I get an email from “[email protected]” –not his full e-mail, of course out of respect for this gentle warrior but it’s basically with some numbers, “[email protected]” Hila: Oh my god! Ethan: Dentist, “one fucked up Dentist” is e-mailing me his videos okay, and if that wasn’t enough. When I saw this I was like “What? Who is this person sharing videos with me of one fucked up Dentist?” and then I realized. It is one fucked up Dentist! Hila: It’s him! *whooshing sound* Ethan: It’s him and- Hila: And he’s using @AOL? Ethan: Yeah, he’s got an AOL I mean, this guy Hila: How old is that? Ethan: Uh, 20 years? I don’t know, people still have AOL, but this guy’s still rocking that @AOL I literally have not seen that, it’s kind of an artifact You could probably sell that e-mail address on E-Bay but then, I was not sure, I was like “someone’s duping me, right?” So we have this plug in where you can see people’s tags on YouTube and sure enough, just as Jeopardy is hard, there in the tags you can see Ethan and Hila H3H3 Productions So, James, we accept your offer. Thank you so much for reaching out I wanna give a big Papa Bless to James Weiner Show him some love because this guy– You gotta love a guy who is– who’s having fun with it. Hila: Yeah Ethan: So, I actually love your videos. It’s got a lot of character and it’s a lot of fun and I like what you’re doing. You’re out there. You’re shaking your dick. You’re doing your thing, man. Hila: It’s already a classic here in our little world.
Ethan: It’s a fucking classic. And I’ll tell you what A dude who works as a dentist, full-time– he’s got a career. He’s out there following his dreams living his passion You say what you want about the man He has found time in his life, besides owning a whole dental practice, to go out there and fucking live his dreams. God bless you James Wiener. So without further ado guys, it’s wiener time. So let’s check out his new video– his remix. And let’s give him some notes because I want this to be prime time ready. I want to see this on NBC prime time Thursday night, ok? Right after “The Big Bang Theory,” which by the way, if you guys have not seen “The Big Bang Theory” it’s one of the best shows on television. It’s prime time. It’s uhh.. very accurate. About real life and real people living their lives. It’s a sit-com. “The Big Bang Theory” –check it out. Hila: Did we get paid for that? Ethan: Sponsored by Shrek 11. Alright. *Music* Ok his face– his face right now is dead serious.
[Hila laughing] I don’t know if I like the tone change in this new episode. Like, a little bit I don’t know if this is “Dexter” or “Seinfeld,” you know what I mean? *Music* *whooshing sound* *whooshing sound intensifies* [James] You see this watch You can get this one day. I stole it from a patient. Nurse: You’re one fucked up dentist! That’s my watch you stole! James: Well big bad to you too! Nurse: You too! James: You Jew! Nurse: Oooohh Ethan: Oooh a little anti-semitism thrown in there. Just for good measure. Ok Ok sure. I’ll bite. I mean, “Jew” rhymes with “you” so it wasn’t like– it wasn’t like “Hey! I don’t like you.” “Well fuck you, you Jew!” It was kind of a little tongue-in-cheek. And look, a little anti-semitism goes a long way– I’ve always said. It spices up any video. So that’s good. Hila: I’m offended. I’m triggered. Ethan: I’m so triggered right now I could kiss– I could eat a potato latke. I’m so triggered right now I’m gonna go spin a dreidel. *Music* James: You like fairytales? Patient: I love fairytales. James: Why don’t you puff on the magic dragon lady? [Laughing] Ethan: Ouch. Can you imagine actually saying that to your patient?
Hila: Oh my God “Hey do you like magic”
“Yeah I like magic, you know–” “Why don’t you suck on my dick, lady?” “Ok” I’m just here to get me teeth worked on but sure, I’ll suck your dick. James: Go on and tell Pinnochio a lie. Patient: Hey! You wanna play doctor? James: Yeah I do. Is this thing swollen? [Woman Laughing] JamesL It’ll only be a prick. I got some penis-illin to cure you right up baby.
Patient: Oh my Ethan: Come on. Tell Pinocchio a lie? Oh my God. How do you think of this stuff man? You’re– [Hila] It’s the dad– the dad– [Ethan] It’s that dad mind. It’s a beautiful dad mind.
[Hila] Dad mind. What’s a funny dad joke? [Hila] Anything with like.. boner [Laughing] [Ethan] Boner? [Hila] Sixty-nine [Ethan] Those are dad jokes? [Hila] I don’t. This guy– [Ethan] Whatever he says is a dad joke. [James] Hi I’m the doctor. [Man] Hi doctor. Are you– is this a dentist’s office? [Ethan] How the fuck did you get in that chair without figuring that shit out? Hi doctor! Is this a dentist’s office? Very convincing dialogue. [James] Si [Man] Are you the dentist? [James] Si [Man] Ahh, what’s your name? [James] Psi [Man] Psi? [James] Si [Man] Can I get my tooth filled today? [James] Si [Man] And uhh– what’s the assistant’s name here? [James] Sue [Man] Sue [James] Si She’s my wife too. [Man] Your wife? [James] Si [Man] And uhh– what’s Sue’s favorite hobby? [James] Sex [Man] Sex? [James] Si [Ethan] What the fuck is this? [Hila] I don’t know. This conversation. The “Si” Si Si Si Si Si Si Si *whooshing sound* Is he playing a person that doesn’t speak English? [Hila] No What’s the angle here? What’s the comedic angle here? [Hila] It’s like those old sketches where– [Ethan] But why’s he saying “Si’? [Hila] ‘Cause he thinks that it’s funny that it’s like “Si, Sue, sex” and that’s it but– [Ethan] But it’s gotta be from an angle ’cause who– I mean, he’s playing a normal person. Presumably, he’s playing a normal person that only says “Si.” So I’m trying to place this in reality and I’m not gettin’ it. [Hila] Don’t try. Don’t try
[Ethan] It’s one fucked up dentist. [James] Hey I’m one fucked up dentist and I wanna tell you, I endorse all the products that I use in my dental office. This is Novocaine and I want you guys to see– I take my own Novocaine like that. If the Novocaine don’t work, I take the cocaine right here. Look. [Ethan] That is literally [laughing] you at least pretending to do drugs in your own office. In his own fucking office where he does actual dental work on people. and he’s snorting lines of cocaine which may be real. I don’t know James. Out in New Jersey things tend to get pretty weird and wild. [Hila] Things got pretty weird and wild right now. [Ethan] The cocaine, the whole drug aspect– we’ll see. It’s not over. [James] And if the cocaine don’t work, I take the laughing gas [Manic Laughter] *whooshing sounds* [Ethan] That was crazy. That was fucking wild dude. That was like a fever dream.
[Hila] Yeah I felt like that was a nightmare. It was like, ugh, just repeating. [Hila] Yeah, like a nightmare you would have after watching the first video. [Ethan] It’s like being raped. By your dad. [Hila] Ooh what? I’m saying because he’s got the dad aspect. He comes at you with these weird, sexual, drug-related jokes. You can’t escape. So it’s like dad rape you. That is the nightmare I just saw happen. James, you need to work on a real part two. That was disappointing. [Hila] Yeah That was so disappointing in fact, I think we should watch another one of his videos. ‘Cause I need some fresh content. I was so traumatized and disturbed by that that I wanna watch another one of his. *Rock n Roll Music* [James] What are you? Spanish? [Woman] I’m Mexican. [Ethan] Ok dude, that touching is not appropriate for a stranger. [Hila] Uh oh [Ethan] You’re– it looks like her boyfriend’s standing right there. Guy Ok Listen No on that touching thing.
[Hila] I gotta say no. [James] Here’s a cookie, who cares that you’re Mexican Do me a favor.
[Woman] You asked! [James] Don’t fucking get pushy with me. Get the earrings a little bigger! All the money you got and you buy a $2.99 costume jewelry? [Ethan] Watch me harassing minorities around South Beach. [Hila] Dadpranks.com [Ethan] Dad! This is da– Dude, James need to do dad pranks Youtube channel. Holy shit. You can start a second channel: Dad jokes, dad pranks, dad experiments. Dad Dad. Just one called “Dad.” That’s where you look at the camera and say loving and encouraging things to everybody watching. Just dad. [Hila] Your virtual dad. [James] Hey! I’m one fucked up
[Ethan] Dad. [Laugh track] [Ethan] I love you son. You’re gonna go off to college soon and grow up and be a big boy! [James] How funny am I? [Woman] I don’t know [James] My kids go to private school. They won’t tell me where it is. I’m funny. [Woman] Oh [James] How funny am I? I had a threesome last night– I used both hands. [Woman] Ahhha [Ethan] You know a good comedian always ends his joke with, “I’m funny.” Like the “You know how funny I am” wasn’t relevant to the joke at all. It was just completely like, a real qu– it was a real question, actually. He– he was just genuinely curious– he’s gonna wait and be like, “So…” [Hila] It’s just a survey. [Ethan] This is a survey. I– Ok thank you so much for listening to my joke. I’m the uhh– Jersey outlaw. Uhh can you please rate that joke on a scale of one to ten? I think I’m very funny. I would like to know what you think. [Man] Are these girls all sisters? [James] Prostitutes. [Man] Oh yeah? [James] Lesbian prostitutes. I went to the rich Carlton. They gave me the honeymoon suite. I said I ain’t– [Hila] Why these girls they keep following him? [Ethan] Ok, he’s got some cuties on deck here. I don’t– the sex does not sell in this case. [Hila] He just.. pays them to walk around with him? [Ethan] That’s what appears to be so. People think, “Ok, sex sells.” “Have cute girls following me around the whole time” Sex does not sell in this case. K Not in this case. Not in this case. Sex is not selling. [James] You’re Jewish. That’s a ’57 Buick with a nose like that. Jeez, that’s a big nose. [Ethan] Do you really just scream that shit at people? That’s not– [Hila] What did he say exactly? [Ethan] He said, with a nose like that, for a Jew that’s like a ’57 Buick or something about his nose Jews have big noses by the way. If you guys missed the memo on that one. [James] This lady’s so old she puts the “caine” in cocaine. *whooshing sound* [James] I’m back! Ayyyy I’m back! Where ya been? Thanks for lunch. [Man] No problem. [Ethan] What the fuuuck Mad dad pranks We need to get that dad pranks channel up. This guy is a fucking menace to society. He’s a perfect prankster.
[Hila] Yeah [Ethan] You know he’s coked out of his brain and drunk as fuck. He thinks he’s like– Basically, this guy thinks he’s Louis CK right now. He’s the greatest comedian that ever lived and everybody in that city including the person whose food he’s touched is loving it. Because they were graced by a god. One of the funniest men of all time. Hey– Hey you blackie! Hey blackie Jew boy I’m gonna eat your tacos Hey Here, you want me to sign your napkin for ya? Tell your family you met Jimmy Law. The– the wiener schnitzel. You just got wienered by Jimmy Law. [Hila] And the three angels wearing white. [Ethan] You just got wienered by Jimmy Law and three angels. Gimme your taco. Gimme your taco, you– you blackie. Hey Jew boy, gimme your taco. You just got wienered. Wienered You just got wienered [James] She went into the 7-11. She didn’t leave until 6:10. You big girl
[Girl] Thank you [James] She was on the corner. The cops went told her to break it up. She’s a big girl You guys are cougars you know, Freddy Krueger. [Laughing] Two fives make a ten. You know what I mean? And by the way, hon, P.S. you know, plastic surgery. [Ethan] You know, as soon as he leaves everyone’s like, “Ok that was fucking weird.”
[Hila] “What was that?” Everybody’s like, “That was fucking weird.” [Hila] That’s so true. [James] I am a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] I’m a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] I’m a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] I’m a funny guy [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] Thank youuu [James] ‘Cause I’m a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy! [James] I’M A FUNNY GUY [Women] He’s a fun– [Ethan] Alright dude, look You don’t– [sighs] I’m not sure that’s how that being funny works [Hila] I’m a funny guy [Ethan] It doesn’t– if you say it enough times it doesn’t make it true. [Hila] Ethan [Hila] I’m a funny guy [Ethan] Say it ten more time. Maybe I’ll believe you. Hire a bunch of people to follow you around and tell you that. Maybe you’ll believe it. [Hila] I got injured when I did that. [Ethan] I’m a funny gu– [Funniness intensifies] [James] I am a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] I’m a funny guy! [Women] He’s a funny guy [James] I’m a funny guy! *whooshing sound* [Ethan] Ultimately, I give it uh two wieners out of five. So That’s the update on our newest and freshest living meme. James Wiener. He’s out there shaking his dick. Doing his thing. Doing some dad pranks and I mean– or just embrace it and just start a channel called “Dad Pranks” and swear to God it could be a hit. [Hila] It’s already a hit in the makings. [Ethan] It’s a hit in the makings. Thank you for watching guys We love ya. We appreciate ya and stay tuned for some more dad pranks in the future so we’ll see you guys next time. Ta taaaa [Outro Music]