Ellen Attempts to Guess Audience Members’ Jobs


Appreciate the
energy, and I wish I could do the same
thing for you, because– you know what? Imagine tomorrow, whenever
you’re working into– your desk, or you’re changing
a diaper, or whatever you’re– you know, on a pole–
whatever you do, think of me applauding you, because
it makes coming to work fun. And some people start their
day with a cup of coffee. I like three minutes of
applause, personally. [LAUGHTER] This is a great job. I’ve had a lot of jobs. I used to sell vacuum cleaners,
which, that job sucked. [LAUGHTER] That’s vacuum cleaner humor. I love my job. Some people don’t
love their job. Raise your hand if you
don’t love your job. [LAUGHTER] OK. Well, I’m going to try
to guess what you do to see what you hate about it. This is what I’m going to do. I’m going to– you
raised your hand? Yes. OK, stand up. Hi. Hi. What’s your name? I’m Celine. Hi, Celine. OK. You hate your job. I do. How long have you been doing it? Two years. Two y– wow, that’s a long
time to do something you hate. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Did you– how old are you? I’m 22. 22. So you started at 20. Yes. Something that you didn’t– you want to do something else. I would like to do
something else, yes. What would you like to do? I want to be a doctor. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Are you in school? I just graduated
my first degree. I’m applying for the second. Oh, good. Mm-hmm. So you’re just doing
this to make money while you become– and
then you become a doctor. Yeah, just a stepping stone. OK. Let me see your hands. I don’t know what that means. [LAUGHTER] Let’s see. Give me a hint. I ring people through. You ring people through. You’re a cashier. I am, yes. Yeah. Well, that was a big hint. Yeah. I’m sorry. Basically, you told
me you were a cashier. Oh, I mean– All right. At a grocery store, or where? At a sports store. At a sports store. Yeah. And you hate it? I do. Why? What do you hate about it? People aren’t always
so nice, you know? Yeah. No, I know. Yeah, yeah. People aren’t nice sometimes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I find? The nicer you are to them, the
more that it makes them mad. [LAUGHTER] Kill them with kindness, right? And then they leave feeling
bad, and then they’re going to be nice to
the next person– maybe not to you,
but someone else. Yeah, really. All right. OK, so here’s what I’m going
to do for you, because you hate your– maybe you need more
money for school, right? I would love that, yeah. OK. Well, I’m going to send
you on a trip to Vegas, and you can bet
some money there. Maybe you’ll win, and maybe
you’ll have money, OK? [CHEERING] Thank you so much. Did you raise your hand? Yes, I did. All right. Hi. Hi. What’s your name? Nia. Hi, Nia. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. You hate your job. Yes. How long have you
been doing your job? Four years. Four? Yeah. Gosh, people stick with
things they hate, huh? Yeah. All right. Four years. That’s a long time. What are your hours? 12-hour shifts. 12 hour shifts? Mm-hmm. Give me a hint. It starts with M. Starts with M? Mm-hmm. OK. You’re a m– [LAUGHTER] Man handler. [LAUGHTER] Almost. What do you do? I’m a manager at a dispensary. A manager at a dispensary. Mm-hmm. What kind of dispensary? Medical marijuana dispensary. Oh, wow. Yes, yes. And seems like– why
would you hate that? It seems like everybody– [LAUGHTER] I thought it’d be so
mellow going in there. Actually, it’s a
little more complicated than a lot of people
think, especially when we’re working with
complicated people or working for
complicated people. Yeah, yeah. It’s a pretty easy
job, but our boss kind of nips it in the bud, so– Oh. Yeah. Four years doing that. What do you want to do? Actually, I would like
to help a lot of people build homes in Detroit,
because I’m from Detroit. Uh-huh. And– Detroit needs some help, huh? A lot of help. Yeah. And I’ve seen that you also put
something in Flint, Michigan with the water sources
and stuff like that. Yeah, of course. Absolutely. Something to that extent–
helping people and building homes [INAUDIBLE]– Well, I hope that
we can help you. [APPLAUSE] Get in touch with us if you want
to help her get her job there. You live in Detroit? Yes, I do. OK. What I’m going to do is– the least I can do
is, when you’re home, I’m going to pay
you to watch TV. I’m going to give you
a $1,000 Visa gift card and a 65-inch TCL Roku TV. OK? All right? [SCREAMS] [CHEERING] Thank you. All right. Ah! Ah! All right. [CHEERING] Thank you! You hate your job? Stand up. All of you are losing
your jobs tomorrow. You know that, right? [LAUGHTER] Literally, you’re
all losing your jobs. You’re saying you hate your– Are you real? Yeah, no, I’m completely real. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. Now, how long have you been
doing the job you hate? One year. One year. Yes. OK. What do you want to do? Own my own business. What kind of business? A fashion business. A fashion business. Yes. Like, you want to make clothes? Sell clothes. Oh, you want to sell clothes. Mm-hmm. You want to have a
store and sell clothes. Yes. OK. But right now,
you don’t do that. No. You do what? Do you want to look at my hands? Yeah. Oh, I don’t know what you do. [INTERPOSING VOICES] I broke a nail. How dare you. No, no, no, no. I– [LAUGHTER] I broke a nail. You can break a
nail doing anything. You could break a nail
typing or opening a doorknob. Or itching. Yeah. What do you do? I’m a waitress at Red Robin. The one time I don’t
guess waitressing. [LAUGHTER] Darn it. Uh. All right. So now, for you, what
I do is I’m going to send you to relax somewhere. You’re going to get two
nights at Terranea Resort. It is beautiful. Look out for the jellyfish. [CHEERING] And loud kids. Other than that, have fun. [INAUDIBLE] All right. All right. Who else hates their job? You hate your job? God, all of the sudden,
everybody hates their jobs. When you find out I’m going
to send you somewhere, you’re very unhappy
all of a sudden. What’s your name? Rachel. Hi, Rachel. Hi. And, OK. I’ll just guess. You’re a waitress. No. No. What are your hours? We kind of make
up our own hours. Wow. You hate that job? Yeah. You get a job where you– It’s not with you. You make up your own hours,
and you hate the job. Yeah. Do you work from home? No. No. We go to other people’s homes. Oh. [LAUGHTER] Do you clean homes? Yes. You do? You got it. Yeah. Well, you’re going to
other people’s homes, and you don’t like it. Although, I think I
would like to clean– I like cleaning. I’ll come to your
house any time. [INAUDIBLE] [LAUGHTER] You’ll clean my home? Yes. OK. Well, let’s talk. [LAUGHTER] All right. Well, then, it
looks like you need to go to two nights
in Palm Springs. That’s what you’ll do, OK? Yes, [INAUDIBLE]. All right. [CHEERING] Thank you. All right. Oh, and some water. Oh, thanks. Yeah.

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