Concrete Jungle – Episode Two – Hair of the Dog

(hip-hop music) – I’m gonna go grab some booze. – I don’t see how you
can’t tell the difference. – I’m just saying, man,
you look really similar. – That’s fucked up, Mike. – You really can’t see how I could get the two of you mixed up? – Man, that’s a rat. We’re totally different animals. That’s mad offensive to my species, Mike. – Actually, we’re more closely
related than you might think. – Hey bitch, shhh! Dirty motherfucker. You know what? All you humans look the same too. You look exactly like that guy. – [Mike] You think I look like that guy? – You look exactly like that guy. – Can I have some alcohol? – Frank. – Mike, Mark, what’s up, guys? – What up, dog? How you doin’? – I’m dyin’ here. You guys gotta give me some alcohol. This place is awful. – No alcohol allowed
in the gallery, Frank. The artist doesn’t believe in drinking. This shit is just grape juice. – We also got this hummus. The hummus is actually
pretty good, though. – This place sucks. – Yo, but we’ve been secretly selling this cocktail we made in
the toilet. (cork pops) You want some? – Why’d you make it in the toilet? – Man, you want it or not?! – It’s beautiful. (flies buzzing) – All right. – Woah, woah, take it easy man. Stuff is super strong. – Yeah, it will get you fucked up. – That is true, it will. – Hey, did you know, did you know they have
booze over, over there? (burps)
Oh. – I feel this piece really portrays the inner struggle within all of us. It transcends species, race and gender. – You just threw a
bunch of shit on canvas. – Hey, yeah, there’s a peanut in this one. – Up close, you can really see how the light activates the texture. (scratching) Do you see? – Dang, that’s cold, man. – You look like a bitch. – Here, take some more of this. – Also, your dick is out, dude. (“Theme” by louis logic) – After being postponed, the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was held today in Coney Island. Reporter Robert Montez was
on the scene in Brooklyn to see how this year’s contestants fared. – Thanks, Darlene. There was some tough competition down at the beach this year. Let’s check in on how the top
three contestants finished up. In third place with 63 hot
dogs consumed, Hiroshi Miamoto. – Hai! – In second place with
67-and-a-half hot dogs, Brooklyn’s own, Fat(bleep) Vinny. – Hey, how you doin’? – And in first place
is three-time Pro Bowl defensive end Samuel Michaels with 547. – Oh, this is nothing, Bobby. I can do this all day. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. I’m sorry, Bobby, I’m just being a bitch. – On the football field,
you and the Giants have a tough divisional
matchup against the Eagles. They put up 45 against
Seattle last weekend. You’re gonna have to
play some hard defense to keep ’em out of the end zone. – Oh, I will definitely be
bringing some hard D, Bobby. Ooh, some very hard D. – The previous time you guys
faced off with this team, you won because of a last-second fumble which you returned for a touchdown. Any strategy changes before the big game? – Well, if you remember, Bobby, it was raining very hard. Ooh, it was raining so hard. They had the ball in our red zone and it was third and a long nine. Ooh, it was a long nine, Bobby. And I just saw that ball on
the ground and I gobbled it up. Ooh, this is soft. What team do you play for anyway, Bobby? – This is Robert Montez
with Channel 13 (yells). (orchestral news theme) – In a developing story,
defensive end Samuel Michaels is under investigation after
elevator security footage has surfaced of the athlete in an altercation with
his significant other. The footage is graphic and we’re about to show
you that (bleep) right now. Damn, that human got (bleep) up! (orchestral news theme) – You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? (oinks) (hip hop music) – Say my name. (Frank barks) – We gon’ keep doin’ what we been doin’, survivin’. – [Voiceover] Walker! (gun fires) – You still mad at me about
the whole Ashley thing, dude? It didn’t go so bad. (whines) I think the human should pick it up. – What’d you just say? – Hey, human, pick up this dog poop. – What? I’m not picking up his poop. – He’s gettin’ hostile, pull your gun. (gun cocks)
– Frank, stop. – Pick up that fucking poop! (screams) (gun fires)
(screams) – Frank, you got the girl I’ve
been chasing after for months shot by the cops and I pooped my pants in the middle of Union Square. – At least you finally
talked to her, right? I even tried visiting her in the hospital to put in a good word for you, buddy. – Can I help you? – I’m here to visit a mouse named Ashley. – All right, let me see if
she’s taking visitors, fat boy. (grumbles under breath) – Okay, that wasn’t very professional. (makes music with mouth) What’d you guys call each
other up this morning? – We have cancer. (coughs) – Ugh, get the hell outta here! Hey, Ashley. – Eat a dick, Frank. (coughs) – Look, I’m sorry. Here, dude, peace offering. You gotta taste this, it’s awesome. Cool? – (sighs)
Yeah, cool. (both blow raspberries) So, how’d the big date go? – Real shitty.
(cork pops) – That bad, huh? – Yep. – What is this? – Just drink it, I got
it from Mike and Mark. Let’s just get nice and
drunk, hit a few bars and forget about both those chicks. (hip-hop music) (rooster crows) Dude! – What, Frank? (screams) – [Jack] What?
– [Frank] Nothing. – Do I have a booger? – Yep, you got it. – Hold on, I gotta put my glasses on. Ugh, put some pants on! – I don’t wear pants. – What the hell do you want, Frank? – That girl I went on a date
with, she’s in my bed sleeping. How the hell did that happen? I don’t remember anything from last night. – Oh man, I don’t know. I was really drunk too. Oh no, was I dancing last night? (bright dance music) – I don’t know, I don’t think so. Come check out this
chick, she’s pretty hot. She’s not bad, right? She’s in a pretty deep sleep, huh? Man, she’s in a really deep sleep. Oh shit, she’s dead, isn’t she? – What?! What the hell did you do to her, Frank? – I didn’t do anything! She was like this when I woke up. – Go check her pulse. – Frank! – Okay, okay. Nothing. – Holy shit, what do we do with her? – I don’t know. Maybe she’s not dead. I heard you shit your pants
when you die– (farts). Sorry. – Check her bag for an ID or something. I think she’s a prostitute. – Oh, you know, you always do this, Jack! Every time I pull a
hot girl and you don’t, you have to bring me down. “She’s a prostitute. “She’s a minor. “She looks exactly like my mom.” – Your last Google search
was “cheap hookers.” And before that, it was “free hookers.” You know what a hooker is, right, dude? Did you look for prostitutes on Groupon? – Groupon has some great deals, dude. – I know, right? Look at this one: a four-hour
maid service for $15. – That is a good deal. None of this proves that
she’s a hooker still. (phone notification dings) – [Voiceover] You have one new message. – [Frank] Hey. Hey hooker, what are you,
where are, what are you doin’? I’m gonna steal, I’m gonna
steal some extra money from my asshole roommate ’cause I wanna, I wanna do some weird stuff. I wanna do some really weird stuff, like really, like really (burps), like really. Just hurry up, hooker! – Oh man, this is a lot of heroin. – Woah. – And then there’s that. – What do we do now? – We could go to the park
and dig a bunch of holes. – And cut her up and bury her? – Oh yeah, I (groans), I
guess we could do that. – What do we do about the dead hooker in our apartment, Frank? – Oh, I know! What if we put some sunglasses
on her and dressed her up? We could carry her out like that movie, “Weekend
at Bernie’s,” right? Oh! Maybe we can like “Pulp
Fiction” her back to life. That was a good movie. – She’s dead, you can’t just
stab her with a heroin needle. (gasps) – Holy shit! – Walker! Kill the brain! Is she, is she dead? (farts loudly) What the hell are we gonna do, Frank? – I don’t know, dude. – This is bad. This is a real mess. – This is a mess. Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll handle it. – The maid service isn’t
gonna clean up a dead body. – Just let me handle this, dude! (hip-hop music) (doorbell rings) – (barks) There’s the
answer to our problems. We’re gonna be okay, buddy. – (shivering)
Hey, Jack. I was wondering if you had a quick moment to help save a cheetah’s life. – This is really not a good time, Stanley. – It’ll just take a second, Jack. – Get outta here. – [Jack] Stop, dude.
– [Stanley] Ow! Did you know cheetahs can reach speeds of up to 60 miles an hour? That’s pretty fast, Jack! (shivers) – That guy sucks. – Hey, don’t prostitutes usually have like a bodyguard or a pimp? – Open up, it’s a pimp, bitch! That’s my best hooker! – I think there’s been a mistake. – Yeah, he definitely can’t
afford your best hooker. (hip-hop music) – I will rip your fuckin’ face off! Come here, motherfucker! – Oh shit! – Oh, he’s so strong. – Get over here, I’ll kick your ass! Oh, did you draw on me last night, dude? (groans) Is he– (farts loudly) – Hola. (Jack screams) (farts loudly) (Frank groans) – That was your plan? I thought you weren’t
calling a cleaning lady. – I don’t know, man. There’s that weird stain
in the bathroom too. I thought it’d be like
two birds, you know? – You’re a goddamn moron, Frank. Come on, we gotta move
these bodies outta here. (hip-hop music) Okay, pour it in. – Me?! You do it! – This is your goddamn fault, Frank. – You killed the maid! – You killed the hooker and the pimp! – Yeah, and I saved your life. Fuck! (whimpers) (growls and barks) – Do it, Frank! (growls and barks) You lost! What the, what is this? These are folic acid supplements, dumbass. What the fuck are we gonna do with these? – Well, that’s all I could find. Where the hell do you think
I was gonna get acid from? – I don’t know, you’re
the high school janitor. I thought you would steal
one from the chemistry lab like in “Breaking Bad” or something. – Oh. That’s actually a pretty good idea. I don’t know if we’re
cut out for this, man. I think we should talk to Mike. That dude’s super smart,
he’ll figure something out. – Yeah, he’s the reason this
whole thing happened anyway. It’s all because of that
booze they made in the toilet. – They made that in the toilet? – Yeah. – Let’s get some clothes
on and go to Mike’s. And take the sunglasses off them. That’s a stupid movie, Frank. – All right. (doorbell buzzes) – I’m gonna kick the shit
outta you when this is over. – Who is it? – It’s Jack. – What up, homey? Come on in. (hip-hop music) – Hey man, we need your help. Where’s Mark? – What up, yo? – [Frank] Woah.
– [Jack] Woah. – Got these robot arms. – Where’d you get those? – I let Mark live here rent-free for allowing me to test
my inventions on him. – These robot arms are dope. Bet you wish you had a pair of these. (hydraulic arm motor whines)
You want a beer? (hydraulic arm motors whine) Can you open this for me? (hydraulic arm motor whines)
(bottle smashes) Robot arms, yo. (robot motor revs) – Mess detected. (laser beams scanning) (robot motor revs) – What’s that? – That’s the cleaning robot Mike built. Keeps the place lookin’ nice. Also, I fuck the robot sometimes. What’s up, boo? (robot motor revs) – Anyway, Mike, we have a big problem. (machine hums) What was that? This is another thing
I’ve been working on. It’s a superspeed 3-D printer. – What the hell do you
need a 3-D printer for? – Man, this thing is the shit. You can scan anything and
make a print of it in seconds. Show ’em, Mike. (laser beams scanning) 3-D printing, yes. (mask crunches) – [Voiceover] Mess detected. (machine hums) – Is that thing safe? – Totally safe. (lasers scan) What? – [Frank] Nothing.
– [Jack] Nothing. Can you come over really quick? We gotta show you something. (hip-hop music) – Dang. – Yeah. – I would’ve dressed ’em up in sunglasses and carried them out,
“Weekend at Bernie’s” style. – That’s what I said! (hydraulic motor whines) – Robot arms, yo. (Frank groans) – I have an idea. Carry them over to my
place in five minutes. (hip-hop music) – You’re going too fast! – Oh, I’m sorry, Frank. I’m trying to get rid of
the hooker you murdered before anybody else finds out. – Hey, Ashley. (hip-hop music) – Okay, so what’s the plan? – This. – What the hell is that? – Teleportation machine. – This thing really works? – I haven’t tested it on
humans or animals yet, but this is what happens when
I put some fruit in there. – Stop using all my exotic fruits for your experiments, dude. You know how much an Asian pear costs? I’m tryin’ to live a healthy lifestyle. – Watch over there. Jack, hit that big red
button when I tell you. Okay, press it. (machine humming) – That’s what’s gonna happen to them? – I don’t know. Mark won’t let me test this one on him. – Hey, motherfucker, do I
look like a lab rat to you? – [Jack] Yeah, kinda.
– [Frank] A little. – That’s fucked up. – So now, we just teleport them to the middle of the ocean or something? – No, it’s got to be a place I can see. – So, that one bench right there? – Yup. – Let’s do it. (metallic thud) – Okay, Mark. When I tell you, hit the button. (machine beeps) Okay, press it! (hydraulic motor whines) (machine hums) – Oh shit. (shivering) (body vibrating) – (screams)
Hello, miss. Did you know, every year,
tons of cheetahs go hungry. (body vibrating) But you can help. (screams)
(shivers) (skin decays) (siren wails) (gun cocks) – [Voiceover] Put your hands in the air! – Well, that’s not good. – Dang. – He is not gonna do well in jail. (laser beams scan) – What? Do I have a booger? (laser powers up) – Yep, you got it. (“Theme” by louis logic)

4 thoughts on “Concrete Jungle – Episode Two – Hair of the Dog

  1. Concrete Jungle Ep 2 – Hair Of The Dog, blogged here

  2. Discovered this series through Amazon Video- wish their were more of this brilliant animated satire!! Glad there were a few things I hadn't seen on Steven Cartoccio's YouTube page.

    If there's enough interest on Amazon I hope there'll be a second series of 6 or 7 more episodes someday!

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