Chappelle’s Show’s Best Political Sketches – Chappelle’s Show

Byaah. (singing) Chappelle show. Ladies and gentlemen,
I bring to you now Black Bush. President Bush continues
to make his case for an invasion of Iraq. After carefully
examining the region, me and my cabinet agree that that area is definitely
ripe for regime change. All right. But if I can be real about. Be real son.
Real? Be real, real, son. He tried to kill my father, man.
I don’t play that shit. Say where they tried
to kill your father son. The (bleep) tried
to kill my father. Word to everything, we love
coming to see y’all, son. Meanwhile President Bush
and British Prime Minister Tony Blair offered
a spirited explanation for a possible war
with Iraq. This (bleep) very possibly
has weapons of mass destruction. I can’t sleep on that.
Not on my watch. That’s not how I roll.
That shit is serious. Now if you don’t want
to take my word for it, why don’t you ask
Tony Blair. He got a whole ‘nother set of
intelligence. What’s up Tony? We don’t know much about the … but we can’t trust
random (bleep) with things like that as George
so eloquently put it. I’m with him 100% of the way.
We don’t know what he has. If the United States
goes to war with Iraq will it first
have to provide evidence that Saddam Hussein has
weapons of mass destruction? So far the UN
has found nothing, but President Bush
counters with this. The (bleep) bought
aluminum tubes. Do I need to tell you
what the fuck you can do with an aluminum tube? Aluminum!
That don’t scare you? Fine. I didn’t want to say this. The motherfucker bought
some yellow cake. Okay. In Africa. He went to Africa
and he bought yellow cake. Are you sure? Yes I’m sure bitch. I got the head of the CIA
right here who will tell you. Are you sure? Are you, I can’t
believe you motherfuckers. Let me tell you
something. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Me and Jeb just
coming back from Africa. Cradle of fucking civilization. This (bleep) out here
buying yellow cake. From the motherland. Are you sure it was yellow cake? Y’all (bleep) don’t believe me,
I got some yellow cake right
here. Look? You see?
You believe this shit now? Don’t drop that shit. I know.
I know what to do with it. That’s why I got it wrapped up
in this special CIA napkin. Don’t drop that shit, yeah. You hope I don’t drop this shit. Pray to God you don’t
drop that shit. Yellow cake. Fucking right. A sensitive accusation for this
administration is the theory held by many
that the real reason the US is so interested
in toppling Saddam is control of the oil
that Iraq is sitting on. What about people who say
you’re only interested in the Middle East for oil? What? Huh oil? Who said something
oil bitch, you cooking? Oil? I don’t know what …
come on y’all get out of here. President Bush met with
UN Secretary General Kofi Annan and made it clear the US will
act even if the UN is reluctant. UN? You have a problem with
that? You know what you should
do? You should sanction me.
Sanction me with your army. Oh! Wait a minute!
You don’t have an army. I guess that means you need
to shut the fuck up. That’s what I would
if I didn’t have an army. I would shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
That’s right. Kofi Annan. Think I’m gonna take orders
from an African? You might speak 16 languages,
but you gonna need ’em when you in Times Square
selling fake hats. I know Gucci when I see
it (bleep), I’m rich. I got a coalition
of the willing. I got 40 nations
ready to roll son! Like who? Who the fuck said that? Huh?
Huh? Like who? England.
Japan’s sending PlayStations. … said they’re willing to
drop bombs over Baghdad. Riggity Row is coming. Afrika Bambaataa
and the Zulu nation. This means I am not
doing this by myself and I’m not disrespecting
the UN even though
they don’t got no army. Go sell some medicine bitches.
I’m trying to get that oil. Oh ho! The US fired the opening salvo
in the war on Iraq with at least 40 Tomahawk
cruise missiles and precision guided bombs,
centering on Baghdad. Good evening. Tonight
President George Bush is onboard the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln
off the California coast. It will be the sight of what is
essentially his victory speech in the war against Iraq. What did I say? I’m not gloating,
but what did I say? Did I not say
that we will win that shit? We rocked them families.
We rocked ’em. Man did you see me
coming on that plane? For the second straight day
these hard line Iraqis protested
the American presence here. Mr. President when do you think they’ll hold
general elections in Iraq? Damn I knew I shouldn’t
have called on this (bleep). I should not have
called on you ’cause you always trying
to distract motherfuckers with things like the war
and skirt all the real issues. Gay people are getting
married folks. Yes. Nasty.
Imagine that. Two women. Touching on each other’s
titty balls. Caressing them.
Gently stroking those nipples ’til they get just
so stiff and erect. Blowing on ’em. Men, barbecue, “I like you.” “I like you too dog.
Let’s get married man.” It’s crazy. What about your re- That shit is gross. Mr. President, Mr. President
sir, how do you explain
the continual upheaval in Iraq even after the capture
of Saddam Hussein? Why you doing this man? I thought you’s
my black brother. Why you ask me
questions like that? Fine I’ll answer your stupid
ass question. Here’s what I feel about Iraq. I feel like you guys keep trying
to distract people with Iraq when I’m focusing
on other things. Namely the moon.
Yes I said it the moon. Can’t be distracted,
what’s going on with the war? What’s wrong with the economy?
Stop worrying about that. I got that shit under control.
Let’s focus on space (bleep). The United States of space, ’cause I ain’t stopping
at the moon. Write this down. M-A-R-S. Mars bitches.
That’s where we are going. Mars. Red rocks
Yay yay! You know something? We’re not
just gonna go to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin.
We are gonna go to New York. We’re gonna go to Vermont.
We’re gonna go to Oregon. We’re gonna go to Pittsburgh
and Pennsylvania. We’re going to Cancun
for spring break. We’re gonna go to Montreal.
We’re going to Vancouver. I’m going all over the world and then I’m coming all the way
to Washington D.C to take back
the White House. Byaaah. Byaaah. I’m gonna kick open the door
in the oval office and I’m gonna chop that
motherfucking desk in half. “Byaaah.” And then I’m gonna grab
the secret service like this and put ’em in a headlock
and say, “Byaaah.” And then I’m gonna
go upstairs in my bedroom I’m gonna grab my wife
like this and be like, “Byaaah.” And then I’m gonna wash up,
we’ll wash up and I’m gonna be
like this, “Byaaah.” Good night. He set the policy
for this administration and I support the President. 90 seconds. Well I think it’s important
to remember when you’re talking
about this issue that Vice President Cheney
has a lesbian daughter and not only is
his daughter a lesbian, but his mom’s a lesbian. And his sister’s a lesbian,
and his great granny has holes in her panties.
“Byaaah.” Well Gwen let me simply thank- “Byaaah.” for the kind words he said about
my family and our daughter. “Byaaah, Byaaah.” “Byaaah.”
I love lesbians. “Byaaah.”
I watch the L Word on Showtime. “Byaaah. Byaaah.” I got a tax policy
that’ll break your neck. Byaaah.
Got you all a check. Going to Washington
down to Vermont, down to, “Byaaah.”
“Byaaah. Byaaah.” Byaaah.

100 thoughts on “Chappelle’s Show’s Best Political Sketches – Chappelle’s Show

  1. All of this is 100% true and that's what makes it amazing. Yellowcake=yellowcake uranium. Later in the sketch, the cakes being eaten by the U.S…. Dave is a genius.

  2. Why you doin this man? I thought you was my black brotha, why you askin me questions like that?… Fine I'll answer your stupid ass question 😂😂

  3. When the real news gets so ridiculous your blood pressure is whack, Chappelle can always lower it with humor.
    Loved your sticks and stones show and whomever was offended by it they can kiss my MF white, Hispanic,black behind!!!!!

  4. I’m watching in 2019. If I’m alive, I’ll be watching in 2029 and so on. Dave’s show not was the best, but is the best skit show ever. Rick James will always be my favorite. No one will ever touch these. Ground breaking and ahead of his time. RIP to all that have passed from the show. You and Dave brought me and my family many hours of enjoyment. Red Rocks! Ya Ya!

  5. 1:30

    After they were done with Saddam, they turned their eyes toward Gaddafi, who agreed to give up his "nuclear weapons" program. They held a news conference in Washington with a PILE OF BROKEN TOILETS AND RUSTY PIPES ON STAGE that were supposed to represent the decommissioned remnants of the "program".

    The next day, Western oil company executives were landing in Libya to set up shop.

  6. If I recall correctly, Idiot Bush bought $500 million in oil rights around Bahrain. Subsequently, Daddy Bush placed the U.S. Middle Eastern Military Command Center… ON BAHRAIN!


    Any threat to BAHRAIN was now a threat to "America's national security"!
    (this is one example of why I voted for Trump… and why I WOULD HAVE voted for Dean in 2004)

  7. He will always make you laugh I can't imagine his parents trying to raise him I bet they thought he's possessed or something what a funny guy hands down the best ever hall of fame or shame whatever Dave don't care

  8. Back when people could take a joke and not get offended by anything and everything. No matter what side you’re on or your beliefs, everyone thought that shit was funny

  9. I remember when the dude killed his entire campaign when he broke out the “byeeeeeeaaawww”. I still laugh every time I hear it 😂

  10. "BeeeeeeYawwww!!!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #2019

  11. Chapel been telling us slowly how evil our government is! He’s a great man! I bet he’s biblical? God is funny like that! He did take Obama’s legacy by trumping him!

  12. Chappelle is a genius. I wish the chappelle show came back again so he could rip apart the insanity that’s going on in our country right now.

  13. ROFL good stuff however 10 years they would not let inspectors into the country to check for WMD….then when we did go in we found residue of WMD so in 10 years he got rid of it….and those WMD popped up later in Syria.

  14. I love Dave he is so freaking hilarious & one of the few people in life that literally puts into words & actions the very exact way I think & feel so much of the time & that's for me is what's so funny. Just knowing that they are others out there who think like you do & that your not completely insane or alone in this train of thinking & thought! His comedy is just so genuine & original like that & that's why I think he does so well & is so universally recognized & understood & accepted because he is so real & like most of us average folks who think & feel the same way but don't necessarily have a platform like he does to express our view point & the way we experience the world & this life in general. So it's nice & fun to see someone in his position & fame & money & popularity to still be so grounded & down to earth. But just seeing someone literally articulate the very thoughts that are spinning around in my head as we all share the same experience's & just knowing someone literally views it & see's it & grasp it the exact same way that you do also & can put it into a skit & actually articulate it in a comedic art form especially many times live onstage improve & on the spot is freaking fascinating & also freaking hilarious & fun as hell, he makes me smile & grin so much in between laughs that my face muscles literally began to hurt & become sore! lmao.

    What a gift he has & what a blessing it is to have a gift that actually brings people joy & happiness & relief & a break from the mundane everyday stresses of life & be able to take them & spin them & use them to turn it all around & actually end up being able to laugh at it & find a way to extract joy & humor out of the mundane & ordinary & even the stressful & serious! That really is a art & a gift & it becomes a blessing to others as well & I hope it does for him also, & It seems like it does so it's a win win. I love comedy for those exact reasons. It's beautiful in it's entirety. He's for sure one of the greats & I mean up there with Red Fox & Richard Pryor & Eddie Murphy, Cosby ect… Definitely in my own top 5 ever!

  15. Iraqis blood on American hands. You're running around worrying about Vegan protests against Animal slaughter. Hypocrite.

  16. Dave Chapelle and Martin Lawrence both are victims of the covert torture and mind control program because he United races through humor. He mocked us all equally and we laughed our asses off. Wtf you psychotic stalker s ruined comedy Central. Prayers for Dave Chapelle

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