BEFORE Getting into a Romantic Relationship | Relationship Advice | Goals



because a lot of times we find ourselves in a relationship with someone we start getting with the intimate and sexual and then all of a sudden it's not really what we thought it was going to be like and then we're kind of in the middle of the mix trying to figure things out so this is gonna help you out before you get in to that relationship things that you should know before getting to before getting into any romantic relationship the number one thing that you should do before getting into a romantic relationship is create a goal for yourself it's very important to know what it is that you want to experience out of that relationship before getting into it that way you can spot it early instead of being way too deep and then well we all know how that goes so to create a goal for yourself first have to make sure that you create a goal that is in your control I like to call that I'm in your control goal versus and out of your control goal and in your control goal is a goal that you can do on your own it doesn't require anything of the person that you're in a relationship with it's something for you to do on your own that you can initiate by yourself and maintained by yourself instead of creating a goal like a couple school things that you want to do together and yeah you guys can do that as well together but before that you have to know what it is that you would like to experience for yourself first some examples of out of your control goals would be wanting the other person to appreciate you wanting the other person to see your value and wanting the other person to notice all the things that you're going to be putting into the relationship and wanting the other person to notice all the effort that you're going to be putting into that relationship those are all out of your control goals because it requires the other person noticing and appreciating and valuing and we cannot control another person no matter who they are that would be setting up yourself for failure so some in your good some of the would be for you to speak about your feelings whenever you're hurt just speak about your feelings whenever you're happy or excited it would be to do loving actions like being present in the moment encouraging the other person to be their best selves to be patient to have compassion for the other person and for yourself in that relationship it could be just to be affectionate to give kisses to give hugs as many times as you can to show the other person that you appreciate them at every opportunity that you that you get and those are called in your control goals because all those things you can control it doesn't matter what the other person does you can still find something that you want to say to appreciate them or whenever you feel hurt see it speaking about how you feel you can control that because that's something that you can do on your own alright so I'm gonna give you three tips to creating an inner control goal to set you up for success before getting into a romantic relationship tip number one is to state the goal that you are creating in the positive saying what you want versus staying in the negative saying what you don't want so for example your goal could be I want to feel comfortable in this relationship and be able to talk about all the things that are important to me that would be good a positive seeing it in a positive way versus saying I don't want to feel needy and I don't want to feel embarrassed in this relationship because that's saying what you don't want so make sure you say it positively for example saying I want to feel comfortable to freely talk about things that are important to me instead of saying I don't want to be needy in that relationship that's tip number one tip number two tip number two is in the title of the kind of goal or creating in your whole in your control so make sure that the goal is in your control something that you can do on your own without relying on your partner okay so for example doing loving action such as you know giving as many hugs as possible seeing as many appreciations as possible versus wanting them to value you wanting them to see your value or wanting them to appreciate you that's those things are out of your control wanting the other person to do anything is out of your control tip number three three is to describe ways in which you might be able to achieve that goal so kind of just sit back and think okay let's use the example of wanting to be encouraging to the partner in that role in that romantic relationship so if my goal is to be encouraging in that relationship what ways might I be encouraging how can I encourage him what are some scenarios that I can think of that I'd want to encourage him in so kind of just sit back and come up with ideas and just envision yourself doing that in your mind like what would he say alright what would she say that you would feel like you know what this is a good opportunity for me to actually be encouraging and think about things that you could say that are encouraging what are some encouraging things that you can say have them in mind already that's the third tip is to describe in what ways you might achieve a really good goal to have is in your control to have is to accept the other person for who they are I know that kind of seems counterintuitive to a lot of people some people get into relationship and they feel like they want to make the other person better by changing a lot of things that they're about the character about or changing a lot of things that they do but if you go into a relationship with the intention of trying to change the other person or just pointing out every single mistake that they do it's not going to be a very good experience in that relationship my top three tips for you today again are number one write down what you would like to experience what you want this is what you don't want that's number one number two this goal has to be something that you can control meaning the other person doesn't have to do a damn thing for you to achieve it describe in what ways when you'll be able to achieve that goal thank you for watching and I'll see you guys it's a confrontation with the con I'm at the park it's around nine o'clock where I am but there is still daylight so I'm enjoying that and I'm taking advantage of the nice weather for now

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