A Story to Illustrate A Hugely Important Concept At the Heart of Healthy Fulfilling Relationships



hello there I am Hannah for those of you who don't yet know me I hope sensitive women have happier more fulfilling relationships with their significant other so that they can feel more peaceful and energized for the other things that they love doing in their lives other things that matter to them right I definitely believe that having a healthy nourishing relationship is not something that you want in your life is so foundational for the rest of the things that we want to do in this amazing world we live in so I'm really excited and can't wait to announce this thing that I've been working on I actually mentioned it two weeks ago when I was here last and I want to tell you a whole lot more about it next week but right now I just want to give you a little sneak peek if you haven't seen it yet the seven most powerful phrases to deepen connection in your marriage tried and true by sensitive people like you like me like my clients and I really just wanted to talk today I I've been as I've been working on creating this guide which which is so close to that I really had my creative juices flowing and I've been thinking about all kinds of things that are really actually central themes that come up in this guide central things that I work on with my clients and things that are so useful to understand at a deeper level and then may even be essential to understanding at a little bit deeper level before being completely successful with all the suggestions and the phrases that I offer in the guide um and so I wanted to talk about one today which is that it's probably the biggest one which is this idea this concept this practice of self responsibility you may also hear have heard me or hear me call it self ownership or self accountability it's absolutely absolutely at the heart of having a healthy fulfilling nourishing relationships one where there's respect and mutual understanding and support um so there's a lot to that the concept of self responsibility in the practice of it and I'm actually also in the midst of writing an article or a blog post about this which also only kind of touches the tip of the iceberg because it is such a big thing and I work in depth with it or on this idea in this practice with my clients so so that article will be will go more into depth than the guide does and also more into depth than the story that I'm about to tell you does but I really did want to illustrate one small way that self responsibility can actually look can actually play out in a relationship and it's my story it's a story that just from the other day that I thought would be a good way to illustrate it for you so my husband has been working at home lately actually we are building a little accessory dwelling unit a little cottage basically on our property for his mother and he's been working he's a builder so he's running that project and he's been working over there right across our driveway um for the last couple months and recently I had said to him like hey why don't we have lunch sometimes when you're when you're home and I'm alone when my kid is when our children are off and we have time to have lunch together and so he knew that that was something I was interested in doing and it had actually been a week or two we had a bunch of gas and a lot going on here so we haven't done that in a while and so the other day he came in and I wasn't on a client call at that time so I was like ooh he's here lunch together and he started making his lunch and then he started walking out the door and I was like and I felt myself like like really kind of contract and and basically get hot I felt back that feeling that I feel when I'm hurt and so what my urge was to kind of accuse or blame or complain right to say something in kind of a like I wanted to just go like one like this why do you never kind of thing that's been my that's been my go-to instincts for years but instead I said I paused and I said I quickly sorted through did all this stuff that I now know how to do so well and I said out loud Tim I'm telling myself the story that you don't care about me as much as them and I said it from emotion from a sort of a sad emotion because that's what I was experiencing um and and so if I had blamed him he would have gotten defensive I know this for sure but instead I just said I'm telling myself the story that you don't care about me as much as them and he looked at me he said oh and he got it he got it I could tell he heard me and yet he still chose to go have lunch with his coworkers and so I my next step there being self responsible was to handle my own feelings around it right and so I just kind of sat with that feeling right but that thinking but he liked them better than me that he wanted to spend more time with them than me but he cared about them more than me i sat with how that kind of thinking and how that kind of story I was telling myself felt right and I actually had a couple tears or two and then I just let it go right I let him be him I didn't hold a grudge right I let him make the choice that he was Martine to make and I recognized that it was all about how I was interpreting his desire to go have lunch with them right and I totally took responsibility for that experience that I was having that I was creating out of his trace from my interpretation of his choice right and I have to say although it wasn't a fun process to experience that her and like all that drama in my head it felt amazing to take responsibility for it to know that it was it was coming from me and not him because then I didn't have a reason to be angry at him or like to build this wall but yes I knew it was my own thing right and so when that pan we simply felt good and close right when he came back home from work from across the street later in the day and we had a lovely lovely evening together and we felt close and it was just sweet it was good so I felt so proud that and this is the power of it all right I've taken responsibility like to be able to not let that become what an event like that become a problem that leg gets worse or steam rolls into something bigger and like it becomes an argument or like yeah so this is really an illustration for you of what it looks of self what self-responsibility looks like in action and you know there's a lot to that process that I'm not gonna – my process that I went through there like a lot that went into that that I'm not gonna get into right now but I have found that and and so of my clients in huge ways that this kind of process is kind of taking responsibility for our thoughts and our feelings and the way that we communicate has amazing power um to take the sting and the herd out of our interactions right with our partner and really like I said like create so much more closeness and understanding instead of building dividing instead of getting divisive nests um and also that that specific phrase that I use I'm telling myself the story is a great way to practice taking self-responsibility way and showing that you are taking self responsibility for your own experience um for the experience you're having about around whatever your partner is doing or isn't doing right however you're interpreting something that your partner did that you don't really like right so that that's a great a great way to practice this and kind of get a feel for self responsibility and so so I wanted to offer that and so I want you to really look for for more of this when this guide comes out more practical suggestions for communicating in this self responsible way all right there's a lot of them in the guide and that's just one of them so I hope that that's that's helpful and I know that this will be helpful to you to come back to you once you have the guide in your hands and you've read through it and practice using these things and you just want a little bit more suggestion and understanding of how to work with this particular phrase at least and anything that I'm talking about when it comes to response self responsibility so if you have questions if this confuses you at all if you want to know more please don't hesitate to reach out you can email me I love responding to you personally and answering your question

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