3 Tips To Overcome Social Anxiety & Shyness | Dr. Aziz – Confidence Coach

does shyness or social anxiety hold you back from living life that you want being the person that you want creating the relationships or the job that you want if so watch this episode because we're gonna get into three tips that I've learned over the last 14 years that help people rapidly shift out of shyness and social anxiety and into unstoppable confidence welcome to another episode of the art of extraordinary confidence I'm your host dr. Aziz and this is the show for you if you want to maximize your confidence in every area of life that matters and regardless of what area you're looking at your dating life your career your social life social anxiety and sometimes people call it shyness but the two different things but when they when people talk about they usually refer to the same thing it's this like feeling of yeah it's hard to put myself out there I'm inhibited I'm scared that people are gonna judge me I get really anxious or uncomfortable whether it's approaching someone I don't know someone that's attractive someone that's powerful someone at networking speaking front of groups I hate small talk it this it's like this overall inhibiting force that holds us back and if you know if you're if you know that experience and you exactly what I'm talking about and most people struggle with this for their entire lives it starts usually around the age of a middle school 10 11 12 13 something like that sometimes sooner sometimes later but it kicks in and then all of a sudden I'm uncomfortable around people and then our whole identity starts to form around that I messed up I'm less than I can't do it and on and on and look it's a big journey you probably on this probably the first video that you've seen about it and if you just found me I'm so excited because watch all the videos on this channel check out my podcast drink for the shy guy check out my book the solution to social anxiety there is so much you can do to transform this but I want to share with you right now three tips that I've discovered over the last 14 years of working on this in myself and now with thousands of people over the world to help them go from social anxiety to being a much more free bold confident version of themselves so here are the tips you ready number one you have to get on your own side you have to you must get on your own side it is essential there there's nothing else that's gonna transform this more than that so what do I mean by getting on your own side it means by taking control of what I call the toxic coach inside of your head that is berating you non-stop it's the voice of self-doubt self-criticism self-loathing honestly it's the voice of self-hatred it's intense and it stops you in your tracks it sucks joy out of your life and it makes you believe things that are false that are extreme such as I totally mess that up and everyone thinks I'm an idiot like thoughts like that will go through our heads and when we are like hooked in with that voice or that voice is hooked into us we just believe it it's like this sort of mind virus that's just like stuck on there like Metroid sucking your brain out and it will demolish the quality of your life and here's the thing a lot of people have that voice tells them they suck and they either totally implode or they go out and I'm gonna make something happen oh yeah I'll show you I'll make a bunch of money or create this or do that and then they do and that voice doesn't stop yeah well you didn't do it fast enough yeah well they're into you but they think you're stupid yeah well sure so what she loves you but no everyone else thinks you're a failure your dad thinks you're a failure whatever it is right and it just keeps going and going and going and going so you must take control of this process and there are many ways to do that some of the key ones are to write down catch it what it's saying and start to refute it this comes from the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy David Burns is an awesome author about that I talked about that my book the solution to social anxiety it's over there on my bookshelf that's why I keep looking that way if you're wondering definitely start with that another way to do it is to sit down and journal with this part of you have a conversation with it like okay what's going on what why are you so upset what is it that you want of me and just actually have a dialogue with it because so much of the time it's it's sort of subconscious we just sort of believe whatever it says and we're trying to get through the day not upsetting it and not taking more criticism in from that voice in our head and instead you got to get you realize that you are in charge you weren't you need to dialogue with that part and not have it is this like evil oppressor inside of your head I could go on and on for days about that there's specific videos all about that but that's my first tip which is you've got to get on your own side one of the thought about this actually not only is it dealing with that critic in your mind getting on your own side is also dealing wind with yourself for that part of you that gets really scared because here's another thing I found in this process and this is actually well one of the steps she's gonna jump to it right now tip number three do I do what scares you we'll get into that just a second but look as you're doing this stuff or your day-to-day life fear is gonna come up social anxiety right anxiety is gonna come up fear is gonna come up and we got to learn how to deal with that we got to learn how to get on our own side with that most of us man I had the most toxic relationship with myself and with my emotions for so many years so either I deny the emotions I try to run away from them or a fear comes up I would just want to do something to make it go away video games pot porn alcohol whatever I could do distraction of some sort just get away from it as fast as I can or we get really frustrated and angry with it ah dad this fear is here again dammit what's wrong with me I'm so pissed off um I suck I'm always gonna have this and neither of those is getting on our own side is it so instead we want to slow down we got to learn how to take care of ourselves and there's there's different techniques for this to self soothing is a really empower 'full one which is the ability to tune into the feeling find it in your body and start to speak calmly to yourself start to treat yourself with love and compassion such as whoa you're anxious right now or we're anxious right now who we me I you who knows what's going on in there right there's a lot of parts but hey wow we're you're anxious right now I get it so you treat that part with with love and compassion and connection and you speak to it in that way and if you really want to get the the skills and the knowledge on how to do that check out my program you can check out the book the solution of social anxiety but also check out my program the confidence code whole first half of that program is all about how to eliminate that toxic coach and get on your own side and there's specific strategies on exactly what to say and how to speak to yourself and how to calm basically calm your nervous system which over fires when we have social anxiety because we think everything's a threat you know that person judging me is a threat that person looking away as they talk to me is a threat right and we're just constantly on edge so get on your own side that means dealing with that toxic critic and being able to soothe and calm yourself when you're anxious okay what's tip number two tip number two is compelling future you've got to have a compelling future so much of the time if you've dealt with social anxiety and it's been 2 years or 20 years what happens is we start to say I guess this is how it is for me and that's what I believed for many years for almost a decade this is just how it is for me I'm stuck like this forever and that's not a compelling future is it because my future looks bleak how does your future look to you right now when you imagine three years out five years out ten years out right now just first impulse subconscious without think about it too much is it exciting you feel empowered do you feel like wow good things are coming my way or I'm gonna be able to create something that I want I'm gonna be able to find the relationship that I want to create the family that I want grow the business that I want excel in my career in the way that I want to have the friendships that I want have the adventures of the freedom that I want or something else and usually what I found it with when working with people is it's hard to create that compelling future there's a part of them that says no no when we stuck this way forever doomed and this is what I call the battle for belief and that's really where all of this takes place all of the growth and transformation is in here and our ability to say you know what no something else is possible for me I will create something else you know people say I'll see it when I believe it it's actually the way around Wayne Dyer is a great thing about this what he says you believe it and then you see it and so some part of you has to be willing to say look yes I can create something different for myself yes it's possible for me look listen to people's success stories go to my website social confidence intercom and read the success poise go to the coaching page and watch those videos of people's transformations they're just like you find other success stories online study them watch them say wait a minute this if it's possible for them it's possible for me and then start to envision what is it that I would really want for myself and here's the thing if that voice in your head that toxic coach says it's not possible you got to do tip number three to prove it wrong tip number three baby is my favorite one do what scares you do what scares you until fear has no power to stop you at all that's the ultimate goal and you got to get this this is the biggest tip on overcoming social anxiety there's a lot of people say okay expose your work you know CBT do the behaviors that are uncomfortable all right all right I'll do that and then they'll go do one thing and they'll say it didn't work and I'll say why didn't it what did not work for you well I did it I was still scared so the fear is the marker of success no no no no no your ability your action is the marker of success you got to do what scares you until fear has no power to stop you I'm not saying do what scare you once and then the fear will go away no we're conditioned we're like there's so much programming in us we have to do a lot to overcome that but that doesn't mean you can't take the actions way sooner than you think so if you're uncomfortable making eye contact with people and you've been avoiding it for 13 years eventually you must make eye contact with people and guess what the first time you do it you're probably not going to feel like all relaxed and great the 30th time you do it you're probably not going to feel completely free and confident maybe the hundredth time but here's the thing people want it to be like this smooth steady graph where it's like oh yeah it goes away it goes away it goes away we've gone free forever I want that too on certain things and it depends upon the amount of repetition you could do and certain things might take a lot longer than you think and certain things you might feel free for a while and then the anxiety comes back and then you're free again I have that in certain areas of my life and guess what it doesn't matter because the goal is liberation and the first most important step in literation is I do what I want I could go out and do anything that I want regardless if there's fear or not it's irrelevant okay fears not gonna stop me then as gravy or as bonus if there's no fear great XO for example things that used to scare me don't scare me at all now so making eye contact with somebody having a deep conversation with somebody sharing with somebody asking someone yeah you know kind of fun let's go say probing questions that doesn't sound good kind of deeper questions where we get in there all that stuff like that real contact with people used to make me very uncomfortable and scare me not at all anymore why because of thousands of hours of repetition thousands literally but other things like leaving live events that I do and there's specific ones that I run not like guests speaking at someone else's but like running my own where people are coming there and I feel this responsibility I got to make sure everyone has an amazing experience and I'll get anxious beforehand and some part of my toxic coach will say you're not enough you can't do this you know why because of the timer recording this video I've only done nine live events nine not a lot of repetition and that's not thousands release my new book recently not nice should totally check that out by the way the audible version if it's not out now already should be out very soon and so proud of it I love that book my heart and soul was in that book and the day before the release of that book back in November the night before I was so anxious just raw anxiety tearing through my body and I was like whoa whoa I didn't even anticipate it I was like a couple days before I was all excited I was sending emails out and then the day but the night before just like shredding anxiety through my body and I was like that's so uncomfortable I can't sit still but here's the thing and you know why is that the case well how many books have I released three that's not very much repetition but the goal is I'll do what I want so if I want to release a book I'll release a book if I wanna host a live event I'll host the live event if I wanna approach someone retracted you I'll do it if I want to speak in front of a group I'll do it so fear has absolutely no power to stop me and that is totally possible for you and then if you do something a lot the fear will diminish significantly or go away so this is how we can truly transform our lives and overcome social anxiety overcome shyness so subscribe if you're enjoying this video and you want to see more a lot more coming out here and coming in 2018 you are awesome share your comments below I want to hear about your story your progress your growth share your any success stories and you breakthroughs you have to inspire others and until we speak again may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome

41 thoughts on “3 Tips To Overcome Social Anxiety & Shyness | Dr. Aziz – Confidence Coach

  1. Social anxiety is my serious problem.
    I’m in late 20s, still I’m controlled by shyness, unfortunately ,I hv to do customer services as my daily work which makes me more horrible. I really lack confidence to talk loud and to be more open to people around me. I hate myself because of the way I am, I’m feeling very low,hopeless and I wanna run away far……….
    Hopefully your ebook will transform me…..🙏🙏🙏

  2. I liked your first two points. But I found this video in an epic quest to cure my social anxiety without having to talk to people… Surely there must be another way than #3!

  3. Dr Aziz just am asking even though understand your valid information why not able to change or swift in life I can say if you have answer then all your worthy video becomes worthy ..

  4. The inner negative coach bit you were talking about hit home quite hard; I've never thought of it in that light before.
    I bet it's related to why I'm constantly analysing situations and running what-if's in my mind.
    It's probably a passive way for me to "solve" fight or flight situations, before they occur.

  5. Smiled the whole video dawg thanks this video and be on your own side very helpful will be purchasing items from you when I can S.A and agoraphobia 2.5 years here.Please keep with the content

  6. Hi! Just found you. Great inspiration! Came across your book on Amazon, reading the sample version on Kindle (totally addicted) wondering why the kindle version costs almost as much as the paperback… but still, feeling that I've come over something that can really be helpful for me. Thanks for being open and sharing! Power boost to ya.

  7. Social anxiety should be tackled both cognitively and spiritually, lots of energetic work would be the root solution to it, shifting the state of mind, breathing deeply through the diaphragm and being comfortable in your body is key! practicing this all on the daily and getting on with life along with expanding the comfort zone slowly but surely should be the solution

  8. Yeah I've been depressed since my senior year of high school 2015 all the way to my freshman year in college. I just never really put a finger on it until after my 1st year was done . My dream was just to go my dream school just to play football that's all I know through high school. Even when I want to try different things I always feel and thought being judged and dislike. I'm so distant from others even in my adulthood. Now I feel like a big disappointment. To my family and I have no friends once so ever. Hell this girl I liked probably loved now getting married to someone else on the day that we met so yeah my life is a complete mess. And I'm always the nice person.

  9. I've struggled with depression and social anxiety for the past 20 years playing the nice guy act feeling disconnected from people believing that I'm the odd one out.Thank you Dr. Aziz for being an example for others to follow its nice to know that you talk from experience.
    I ordered your new book not nice and I'm looking forward to putting into practice.

  10. I get really shy, nervous, scared I don’t wanna be judged or hurt and distractions yes but they don’t help in the end i just feel shy, nervous, anxious and I dont have very many friends in school and I have low confidence

  11. I have social anxiety and I’m in high school and everything you said is true, I new I had anxiety but didn’t know what type till this video

  12. Hello Aziz I am Ravindran from India I have this for past 25 years what u said some I am end of this thing from my learning but your tips and suggestions definitely will make faster out this problem I will say your best thing is you exactly pointing out core of the thing to solve the problem there you are I didn’t find from anyone I appreciate your stuff I wish your success path that you proceed thanks a lot for uploading video like this

  13. i want to become an actress but i can't im too shy i dont even like pictures!!! And i barely talk to anyone i feel like my dream will never come true:( i cry all night and wish that i can become an actress but then a voice in my head tells me its impossible and ive been depressed for 4 years ive wanted to become actress since i was 5

  14. Wow really amazing. You've really changed the way i think about myself. What I admire about you is that your tips are practical and irrefutable. Thanks Dr. AZis keep it up. Im from Philippines, may i know where to buy the book "Not Nice". Im excited to learn whats in it.😁

  15. Thanks for everything you do Aziz. You have completely changed my life. I've read two of your books so far and I think the next step in my journey is to face my anxiety in general (not just social). Do you know of any good books that focus on anxiety?

  16. Great video. You changed the way I think about SA. I still have a long way to go but I’m making improvements lately 🙂

  17. Dr. Aziz I feel more confident just watching you speak. Very inspirational. Please keep up the good work. Thank you

  18. YOU are awesome, Dr. Aziz!! W-o-w, ending 2017 with an extremely powerful, useful, and timely video for me and I'm sure others, so thank you!!
    Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays!!
    And may 2018 be your best year yet!!!!!

  19. I can so relate to the 'night before' crippling anxiety!
    Your book 'Not Nice' is truly amazing.
    I love it. You are a brilliant writer.
    Keep the videos coming 🙂

  20. This was what I needed today. Tonight I'm going to this Christmas party with my family and two sets of family friends and their early twenties kids (my age) and I'm bringing my girlfriend along who also suffers from social anxiety and she'll be meeting them all for the first time. Also, there's probably going to be kereoke. Giddy up.

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