10 Essential People Skills You Need to Succeed

are you book smart or people smart do you have higher IQ or higher peak you people skills also known as soft skills interpersonal skills or social skills are one of the most underappreciated aspects of your career success so in this video I decided to go through my research and outline the ten essential people skills I think every professional should know now before I teach you the skills I want you to first test yourself in each skill I want you to know where you stand before hearing all the skills so pause this video and visit science of people.com slash people – skills take the free yes free quiz so pause this video and go to the link to find your strongest and weakest people skills did you take it are you back ok great now we can dive in people skill number one socially assertive do you stand up for yourself in social situations are you assertive with your social needs social assertiveness is essential for conserving social energy we only have so much social energy to spare if you are socially assertive you're able to save and spend your social energy in the right ways if you lack social assertiveness your energy is wasted on the wrong people in awkward situations or not aligned with your social goals people with high social assertiveness have more focused social energy and have more clarity in their interactions people with low social assertiveness feel out of control in social situations are addicted to people-pleasing have more toxic people in their lives people with high social assertiveness are able to set up boundaries stand up for their needs are able to say no people skill to craft a memorable presence are you memorable do you make a strong first impression do people remember your name after meeting you people with a great presence have an easy time making lasting connections and are extremely good at rapport building your presence has a direct relationship with your ability to create lasting personal relationships and build a network if you have a strong presence people gravitate towards you remember you better and are more likely to want to work with you people with a weak presence struggle to get clients or make friends frequently deal with people forgetting their name feel awkward in many social interactions people with a memorable presence leave a lasting first impression have a robust network quickly build rapport people still number 3 be a master communicator do you enjoy public speaking and presenting specifically are you comfortable communicating your ideas to large groups master communicators know how to present themselves and effectively get their message across poor communicators tend to think they're unworthy of attention avoid sharing their ideas cannot get by in on their opinions are underappreciated for their hard work master communicators excel at public speaking presenting communicating big ideas to big groups people skill number four sustain lasting confidence do you ever feel socially anxious everyone feels a little bit of nervousness in some social situations but the question is can you overcome your social anxiety people who can sustain lasting confidence are able to conquer their shyness and avoid awkwardness they might have internal strategies or mantras to get them through their anxiety or they have socialized enough to overcome any nervous tendencies people with high social anxiety avoid social situations even if they would be beneficial for career goals feel awkward and trapped get stuck in their own head during interactions and conversations people who can sustain social confidence are able to excel in most social situations feel awkward and are able to overcome it feel more excited than anxious when socializing people skill number 5 be an excellent conversationalist how do you get small talk in my book captivate I talked about the idea of Big Talk this is when you level up boring predictable small talk into deep memorable conversation I believe that most interactions happen in three levels the first five minutes this is your first impression and when you decide if someone is worth getting to know it can happen professionally romantically or socially this level is the front door can you get invited inside someone's inner circle the first five hours once you've made it past the first level you get to have a first meeting first phone call or first date this is when you move past first impressions into rapport building the first five days this is the final level you want people in this level he would be happy to do a weekend road trip with it's the ultimate level of trust and connection this could be romantic with a partner but it could also be with a long-term business partner or best friend conversation is the key to moving up these three levels people who struggle with conversation run out of things to say do not know how to open a conversation with someone have lots of awkward silences master conversationalist know how to engage in memorable conversation and keep it going can easily get past small talk into Big Talk use conversation as a tool for everything from a poor building to socializing to flirting to sales action step we have a free yes free course on the three steps to amazing conversation to get you started visit science of people.com slash conversationalist to grab your copy people skill number six highly likeable would people describe you as likable is it easy for you to get people on your teams or influence others to your point of view likeability is an important facet of trust we like people who we feel are showing us their true selves psychologist Carl Rogers described a concept called self-actualization which speaks to how closely people show their real self compared to their ideal self people who are not likable have trouble getting people to listen to their ideas feel they have lots of potential but rarely act as their ideal self frequently feel left out or like the odd man out highly likeable people are highly respected and often asked to join in on team's social engagements and groups feel their ideal self and real self are closely aligned are asked their opinions by others people skill number seven exceptional at decoding emotions would you consider yourself highly perceptive people who are good at reading people are exceptionally strong at knowing how others think and feel decoding people having a strong sense of intuition and being very empathetic are the emotional intelligence aspects of interpersonal intelligence when we look at interpersonal intelligence or people skills there are three main branches emotional intelligence is how intuitive or empathetic you are social intelligence is how you translate your emotions when around others as well as how responsive you are to their emotions intrapersonal intelligence is how well you know yourself your social needs and your boundaries everyone has different strengths and weaknesses in different aspects of interpersonal intelligence people who struggle with decoding struggle with empathy have trouble reading and interpreting body language and facial expressions often miss social cues people with exceptional decoding abilities can speed read people and their intentions are very good at interpreting body language and facial expressions are very intuitive people skill number eight pitch your ideas when people ask you what do you do do you know exactly how to pitch yourself well when you have to pitch yourself or your ideas can you do so confidently pitching is a very important people skill for professionals because it happens all the time not just at networking events with your elevator pitch but also during every meeting when you're asked your opinion in emails when you introduce yourself and even on conference calls now I know it is never easy to brag about yourself but you should be able to generate excitement around your ideas here's the big question when you talk about yourself can you get people excited to work with you people who struggle with pitching themselves and their ideas feel anxious when talking about themselves undersell or minimize their successes miss opportunities because they feel undeserving or afraid to speak up people who are great at pitching themselves can get people to adopt their ideas feel confident pitching themselves without bragging generate excitement people skill number 9 be charismatic what is charisma most people think that you have to be born charismatic I couldn't disagree more while I was doing research for our flagship course people school I found that charisma is the perfect blend of two essential people skills traits warmth and competence we talk about this more in the course but here are the basics people who are highly charismatic our scene is highly warm they are approachable trustworthy and likeable our scene is highly competent they're seen as dependable capable and knowledgeable people who are not charismatic our scene is cold or intimidating people have trouble opening up trusting and getting to know them our scene is flaky or shallow people do not depend on them easily our only warm or only competent without both you're not considered charismatic action step my team and I developed a charisma quiz based on the charisma research see where you fall on our charisma spectrum with our free charisma quiz science of people.com / charisma people skill number 10 be an influential leader you do not have to be leading a company or president of an organization to be considered a leader leaders in both work life and social life are able to get by in rally teams and generate camaraderie I do not believe the opposite of a leader is a follower in fact sometimes it's great to be a follower when you're learning something new or to be taken on an adventure it's almost impossible to be a leader if you struggle with one of the three aids apathy do you love your life do you wake up to the day excited apathy is when we have a lack of enthusiasm or interest in our lives or the things we do leaders fight apathy by choosing to be around people or do activities that truly excite them ambivalence ambivalence kills relationships if you're ambivalent about the people in your life or the activities in your life you will never be able to be a leader I believe that ambivalence is the root cause of frenemies aimlessness leaders have direction they have goals plans and strategic paths this guides their actions making them more purposeful and helps others to follow leaders fight the three A's leaders harness and build on excitement they save their energy for people and tasks that truly matter to them leaders know who's on their team and who isn't they pick people to have in their lives they truly enjoy leaders make plans leaders are driven in their thoughts and action and encourage others to follow action step begin to fight the three A's in your life start with the ones that most resonate with you do you need to get rid of some ambivalent relationships do you just set a plan for yourself do you need to find activities that truly excite you this is how you can become a leader bonus people skill be productive I have one bonus people skill for you I simply had to include this skill because it has come up over and over again for our students when our students join people school we ask them a simple question what skills are you currently missing that are preventing you from achieving your goals over and over again our students give us specific interpersonal skills like the ones above charisma communication confidence but our fourth most popular answer productivity specifically our students say finding determination lacking follow through battling distraction harnessing motivation balancing time management I realize this is a bonus people skill because interpersonal intelligence takes determination motivation and follow-through to hone developing your PQ or people skills is just as important as your IQ we need a systematic way to practice our people skills to be more successful and achieve our goals this is why I develop people school for you people school is an intensive 12-step program to advance your people skills this is a completely online training geared towards high achieving professionals who want to level up their career success learn more about the program right now at science of people.com slash P school I personally read every single application and I would love to meet you and have you in class I hope to see you there if you liked this video please click the subscribe button below and click on one of these amazing videos up next

35 thoughts on “10 Essential People Skills You Need to Succeed

  1. … i just dont want my grandparents to overhear my political rants … walls r too thin… i would be goin off like alex jones if i had a sound chamber i could scream in

  2. Videos like this make me mad. When it begins you might think that she's trying to help people develop their skills but after you get to about step 3 or 4 you realize that she's just trying to peddle the same concept of "being a people person". Then she mentions her book and makes it clear what the intention is behind the video. 2 steps later she mentions a course and gives a link to purchase the course. Stuff like this is literally just meant to pray on the introverted and those with low self confidence. The way she talks is the exact same way self-help books read; she repeats the same idea just hits different points of it and then calls it a different idea. It's woefully transparent and has turned me off to the entire channel.

  3. I would take every word from Vanessa's mouth VERY seriously. She's done the research and the hard work. I will be teaching this to my GED Prep class. 👍

  4. I feel I'm empathetic and I can read peoples emotions. But I feel I should let them be and let them deal with it. Because when I have problems or stressed out I don't like people tell me what to do or tell me all this stuff to try to make me feel better. I feel I deal with my own things, and I appreciate people telling me they care and they want whats best for me. But I feel it doesn't really help because in the end of the day I need to fix my problems. So what can I do to not feel like I'm and asshole because I care in the end of the day?

  5. All your ideas and key facts are so useful and great to be informed about no matter how much we know. We can all learn more, so thank you.

  6. 1 social assirtive (show your needs), can focus social energy, no people pleasing, set boundaries, can say no
    2 memorable presence, make lasting connections, built network
    3 master communicator, comfartable, effectively, know worthy of attention, presenting
    4 sustain lasting confidence, overcome fear by strategies
    5 excelent conversationalist, deep memorable talk, engage, keep it going
    6 highly likeable, show your true self
    7 exceptional and decoding emotions and thoughts, empathetic, also can translate your emotions to others.
    8 pitch yourself well confidently, get people excited to work with you, adopt your ideas
    9 charismatic, is warm and competence, knowledeable, faithful
    10 influencial leader, apathy is lack of enthousiasm and interesr, can not be ambivalent, not aimless but purposefull, built excitement, know who is on there team and who they enjoy, harness motivation
    11 productive

  7. This video made me depressed because I have none of these skills. I don't see any improvement in the future. Should I just end it?

  8. Wow, a Bachelor's Degree in people skills in less than 15 minutes! You covered a lot of territory in very little time. This is GREAT wisdom, thanks so much Vanessa! I love your videos!

  9. it depends where you get your energy from. People who enjoy shopping, dressing up, partying,, friends, would be comfortable with humans around, and could be awkward with non-human. People who enjoy nature, animals/pet, reading, thinking, would be comfortable to be by themselves, or at ease with animals/ nature. Go with your heart, don't force yourself to be the person you are not to. It's fun to be in the city, with friends, but more stress and illness. It's boring in the country with nature/animals, but less stress/illness. It's your choice.

  10. I've tried to take down notes but the video was too fast for me. I hope she put a pause in between discussion, just enough for me to finish what im writing. I end up pausing the video every discussion… 🙁 It lost the momentum and drained the enthusiasm. This a great video and shouldn't be missed watching. Really helpful but please give the viewer some time to takke note. There are people like me who learn more and remember faster when we wrote what we hear.

  11. You make some good points, but for some people it might not be as straight forward if you have a mental illness ie social anxiety depression etc.

  12. Very detailed content! Thank you.
    I think I have the ability to channel all these skills.. sometimes I'm really good and charming but sometime my introvert side felt over stimulated. Mental state is so crucial here, gotta have the inner confidence and the energy. Pump yourself up before any interactions

  13. This is too good . Will get your book. Can learn so much from you . I hope I can go from horrible to just bad .

  14. Not sure why there's not a direct link to the quiz in the description box, unless I am blind? If anyone else is blind like me: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/people-skills

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